I like my house with all the doors open
Though many of them are far too often drawn
Shut.
So I find myself spending lazy afternoons
Walking in the sun's final breaths
To open door after door in my expansive house.
While seeming simple,
There's a dangerous flavor to this mundane task.
I am a bearer of light,
A humble servant to the fading orange glow of summer evenings,
A fierce warrior of the blinding white glare from freshly drawn curtains.
And you may laugh at my plain pleasures
And that's ok
Because I am not afraid of being afraid of the Dark.
See Darkness is
Emptiness,
Isolation,
Undiscovered corners,
The undersides of beds
Where the monsters hide.
Darkness is
Closed doors on angry nights,
Screaming and yelling on one side
And waterfall tears on the other
Of a young girl,
Too small to understand the difference between
Protection and
Shutting out.
Too young to not see
Every blocked doorway as a flashing sign
Glaring,
"I don't care,"
Darkness is cold and pain
And closed doors.
So why not fling wide those large wooden doors
And let the beautiful light in?
Because I never liked my house with the doors
Shut.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,786 Reviews
SapphireEyes here to review!
First and foremost I have to say the first four stanzas were lovely; you could've easily ended the poem there. I particularly liked the lines "Walking in the sun's final breaths" and "A humble servant to the fading orange glow of summer evenings" - the imagery there really did the piece justice.
After the first four stanzas it seemed like the flow changed and you were going in a different direction with the poem. The first four were light and kind of joyful, the following four where darker and almost sad. You made up for it with the last three lines a little, bringing back the light and coming back with the open doors. Despite the change in tune I really liked the lines "Darkness is
closed doors on angry nights" - wonderful wording for that.
Nitpicky and probably just personal preference but the last stanza where you have "Darkness is cold and pain
And closed doors" I would put "and it is closed doors" instead, simply because it feels like an imcomplete thought the other way. But again that could just be me!
Overall I enjoyed reading this, keep up the great work!
RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
So recently you told me the backstory to this poem, and honestly I wasn't sure what to make of it. I couldn't really grasp the concept. But this, putting it into simple diction to convey the metaphor of night and family issues, contrasting that with the fluttering imagery of light... This is my language.
So let's get started.
The only nitpick I have for you is that you need to put a comma in, "I don't care," in the second-to-last stanza.
I like the capitalization of the word, "Dark." I can practically feel the metaphorical resonance dripping from that word and the other capitalized words after it.
I don't think I have words for the story you've told here.
It's well-written.
It's delicate.
It's gripping.
The metaphor of shut doors and darkness perfectly parallels your feelings.
I have like six favorite lines, but my top three are the following:
I love the phrase, "bearer of light," just in general, all the time, every day.
I love "fading orange glow of summer evenings," because that phrase takes me to a summer evening. I can see the dust settling in the late sunlight. I love it.
And of course, who doesn't love "a fierce warrior"?
WHAT.
YOU'RE NOT AFRAID OF BEING AFRAID
WHOA
JUST
GOOD HEAVENS.
Continuing.
I love the last line, especially. This stanza is really well-structured but that last line is the gut-wrenching, tear-jerking, heartstring-thrashing finale equivalent to the standing ovation of a symphony.
You're way more talented than you allow yourself to believe.
And that's all I have to say.
Awww thanks babe! I'm glad you liked it! I shall add that comma right away m'dear
Wow! Such an epic poem!
I like how you've picked quite a common issue/phobia to work with here! I really like that!
Okay, lets get down to the nitty-gritty stuff.
Themes!
Okay, this is painfully obvious. Phobias. Specifically fear of the darkness which is... Achluophobia. Yes. My friend is afraid of the dark and she likes her door open on a night, so I appreciate that this is relatable and realistic. Also, you may know, fear of darkness can be metaphorical - but I shall wait to talk about that!
So, I noticed in this stanza here:
That you talk about fights, presumably between parents? Oo! You're very clever! I see it! The metaphor... 'behind closed doors'. Wow. Genius. Loved that!
So I just went into devices used there .-. I couldn't resist!
Devices!
I am glad that I decided to review some poetry now! This is a beautifully written poem. I'm no expert when it comes to poems, so please bear with me.
Okay, I love the use of Enjambment - a lot of people would tell you the same. It has so many open interpretations. I could list the meaning of each interpretation for ageees. So, I think it is mostly and most obviously used to show the on going fear (this is where it can go down two different routes), firstly: ongoing fear of dark. Secondly: on going fear of arguments. I was also thinking that it could be used to show the constant need to open doors as well (you're so clever!). I love secret meanings!
I'm not going to nitpick because I'll screw up if I do so.
Brilliantly written!
Sincerely,
Traunt
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you got the metaphors and such
They were genius ^^ one of the best poems I've read on here!
Awwwwww staaahp!
I can't XD