Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
We Lift Our Burdens
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We lift our burdens
And the countdown's off
With every breath and each next step
Our weary bones, they begin to crack
As the burdens break our backs
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And how long can a heart
Fight against the freezing cold
Before it turns to hollow stone
How long before we take denials
And crown them our plans
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I see legions without spines
trying to carry the weight of the world
I hear legions of echoing broken hearts
They once bled dark red, betrayed
And mourn thousand legends that lost faith
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Canary word: Present
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125,010 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hello! My name is Addison. This poem truly was beautiful, and I can see that you put tons of work into it. The melodic beat of the poem is almost catchy, and it draws your attention in, the intense language pursues you and keeps you reading, and the echoing moral seems to leave, at least me, dumbfounded. Truly, you did a great job! Congrats on writing such a good piece, MellyBourne!
Thanks a ton Addison ^^
Hey, Zekcede here!
I really loved this poem! The slightly melodic quality to it is almost horrifying in the way it kind of feels like being suspended in nothingness. Your writing is really beautiful, and the almost heaviness of the poem is staggering, and I really think it's amazing.
I like how the poem covers acceptance, and how you address it.
My favourite line is
"Fight against the freezing cold
Before it turns to hollow stone"
I think the imagery is amazing!
I don't really have any editorial remarks, but once again good job! I really enjoyed reading this.
-Z
Suspended in nothingness, I love how you put it.
Hello, mordax here with another review!
I am continuously impressed by your talent! I love this poem so much, and it might be my favorite yet that I've read from you. I honestly have no critiques.
This was by far my favorite part of the poem. I love how it insinuates this acceptance of burdens and flaws, this submission to said "denials". The flow is marvelous, and this poem has a way of making each word decadent, like bubbly champagne.
I also loved your imagery of carrying the weight of the world without a spine. It's such beautiful and unique imagery in a poem.
Overall, your flow is wonderful as is your word choice and imagery. I'm sorry I couldn't provide much in ways of legitimate critiquing, but that's just props to your writing skills.
Keep writing!
mordax
Thanks, your words mean a lot to me.