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Young Writers Society



The Heart of Silver Gold: Chapter Four

by wickedlymuggle


     Before you could say Diagon Alley, Finn was up in the air. He was like a dragonfly, darting through the air in quick jolts of speed. One second he was inches from my face, and another he was high above the trees. Behind me I could here one of the girls giggle and and whisper to the other. I rolled my eyes and sighed. I have never been good with guys. No one has yet to teach me the art of flirting and I am naturally awkward and clumsy around all people in general. 

     Seconds later he landed gracefully down next to me a goofy grin on his face. It was that type of look that can make anyone smile. A look of pure happiness. He continued to grin at me as he said, "Your turn" That made me fall off the rock. Literally.

     A shot of pain exploded again through my leg as I collapsed in my shock. He expected me to fly? Finn knelt down beside me the concerned face once again weaving through his features . I clutched my ankle in agony, holding back a sob. A sob of pain and confusion. A sob of wanting to be back at home.

     Finn looked at the girls the worry increasing in his eyes. "Olive, Astrid, I am going to take her to Erine's. Wait for me here."  To my horror, he swept me up in his arms and started to run. Now this was just embarrassing. I have always hated the idea of a guy sweeping a girl off her feet. My friends and I would always watch Disney princess movies and laugh at them. And here I was, my head thumping on his chest. Getting swooped up to the rescue. Great.

     "Umm, where are we going? PUT ME DOWN!" I screamed out, trying with all of my might to escape from his arms. He might be cute, but that does not cover for the fact that he brought me to this place. I still didn't trust him.

     "Ernie's Apothecary." Finn replied, not bothering to look at me, but struggling to keep his grip. "He is a little strange, but if anyone knows how to fix your leg, it's him." We continued fighting down the hill until we turned down the corner onto the cobbled streets of the village I saw earlier. 

     Passersby stared at us as we ran through, obviously shocked to see me. It was an understatement to say that I stood out. Like Finn, everyone was wearing purple. The babies, the parents, the shopkeepers, everyone. The men sported long sleeved t-shirts, the women, dresses, all with the same multicolored rose emblem on their breasts. Me with my rain boots, blue jeans and t-shirt however had not even a speck of purple on them in sight. Other than the whole purple thing, it looked like any other small village. There were children laughing happily on the sidewalks playing some sort of game that involved stones, and there where shops selling clothes and  food and other miscellaneous goods. A few bounds later, we made it to Ernie's.

     The building stood out from the crowd. All of the other shops on the street where made of clay colored brick. Ernie's on the other hand was painted bright green with a billboard sized sign hanging over the top saying: ERNIE'S APOTHECARY in bright neon letters. The building was far removed from the rest of the village and was the odd one out. Great. It looked like me and this "Ernie" guy had something in common already.

     Finn burst through the door, quickly walked to the back of the room and carefully laid me down on an examination table. once my eyes adjusted to my new surroundings, I started to take a look around.

     It was a small, dimly lit room, the only source of light coming from the window outside and a tiny strange plant that radiated an orange glow on the shelves lining the left hand wall. The entire length of the wall had floor to ceiling shelving unit full of plants with name labels that sounded like diseases. To the right was a small, makeshift reception desk made out of a fold out wooden table with a small, green jar of pens on top of it. Across from it in front of the window were a bunch of mismatched chairs in an attempt at a seating area with ripped cushions and broken legs. Finn was trying to arrange himself in a comfortable position of a faded blue chair with a spot on it that looked suspiciously like vomit. The table that I was laying on felt like sleeping of a ton of bricks and I had to constantly move to a more comfortable position without laying on my leg wrong. 

     I turned over to face my back to Finn and on the oak bedside table beside me was a copy of a magazine entitled: The Young Women's Guide to The World of Plants with a picture of a girl that looked about eight years old in purple clothing with the multicolored rose emblem holding a medium sized green plant with pink spots and teeth. TEETH! My eyes widened in terror as I held back a scream. What is this place? I thought, panick sinking in. I want to go home!!

    "Finn," I said turning back to him, my hands shaking, "What is this?" before Finn could reply a little man popped up from out of nowhere, an excited  look on his face.

     "Oh yes! That is one of my favorites! That my friend is a cuspidous vitis, otherwise known as the common canine vine. They are mostly found in human sewers and when they find their prey, they lower their vine and snatch it up with their teeth! I have a sample if you want to see it."

    The man started to move excitedly over to the wall of plants, giggling with glee.

     "No thank you, I am fine." I said, gritting my teeth, desperately trying to hold back my urge to run. This proved it. These people where not human. If they are not human, what are they? 

     Now the man wore a disappointed expression on his face. He was an older looking guy, by guessing around fifty. He had a large nose, horsey teeth, and he wore spectacles that magnified his eyes to Professor Trelawney proportions, meaning to say, they looked huge. He had firey red hair that was balding at the front of his head and he wore a dirt smeared green lab coat with his pockets bulging with who knows what. Then I noticed he had a different emblem on his chest than the rest of the town, with a tree with a very large trunk, and no purple at all.

     In the blink of an eye, the disappointment morphed into excitement again when he turned around and saw Finn. He ran as fast as his stubby legs could carry him towards Finn, and scooped him up in a big bear hug. Fin stood up uncomfortably, arms straight at his sides, reacting to the embrace like he had never been hugged before. After a very long ten seconds, he pulled away and slapped Finn on the back.

     "Finn me boy!" he said in an accect that was slightly scottish, but not quite, "You've come back to see me! Oh, what a great day!" Finn continued looking exteremley uncomfortable as the man looked him over.

     "Oh! You look more and more like your father every time I see you! Very handsome." he said, patting Finn on the back once again. Finn cringed as is someting the man had said had been a hard subject, but I couln't figure out what.

     "Oh, I remember," continued the man in a wistful voice, "how good your father, Peter was with plants. He was the best healing apprentice I ever had you know. I remember the time when..." Finn abrubtly cut the man off in mid sentence, an expression on his face that I had yet to see. Overwhelming sadness. 

     "Ernie, this is Piper. Piper, this is Ernie." Finn gestured to me with one hand, the other in his pant pocket, as Ernie turned around. Ernie stared at me again, a look of curiosity in his eyes.

     "Oh lad, you have a girl now huh." he said not looking away from me. Not surprising." Once again, I felt the need for an invisibility cloak very strongly again, and I could tell Finn was thinking along the same lines. He was blushing even more than he was before, hand running through his hair nervously again. Look away. I thought. Don't let the cuteness destract you. He kidnapped you remember?!? That was all it took.

     "Umm, it is not like that." said Finn quickly. Yeah. I thought. It isn't like that. What it is like is you KIDNAPPED ME!!! 

     Ernie smiled in a suspecting way and made his way toward where I lay. 

     "So Piper? What is wrong?" I pointed to my leg as he pulled out a strange triangular shape object from out of his pocket and started moving it over the top of my legs. I stared at it facinated. Beams of colored light refracted through the clear glass surface and onto my leg as Ernie examined it.

     "What is that thing?" I asked hesitantly, still staring at it. Ernie's head jolted up quickly a surprised look on his face.

     "You have never seen a Triskope before? Well my friend, it is a facinating breakthrough in the healer field that scans your body for injuries." he said in an aminated tone. He got back to squinting through his glasses at the "Triskope" as if looking at words etched into the side of it. 

     "It looks like you have a torn ligament in your knee. Oh! I know just the thing you need!" he said waddling over to the wall of plants. He selected a teeny tiny bottle with a label I couldn't as he waddled on back to me. As he moved closer, I could see that there were tiny pink flower buds at the bottom of the bottle. They seemed to have their own light to them, as they radiated a faint pink glow on the tips of the petals.

    "This," said Ernie, "is canellia sasanqua, more commonly known as Kneed, a well renound healer for torn ligaments." Using tweesers, he carefully pulled out a bud and set it on his had and held it out to me. 

     "Eat this!" he said, a enormous grin on his face. Carefully, I held the tiny bud in between my fingers, squeezed my eyes shut, and popped it in my mouth. My eyes flew open as soon as the bud hit my mouth, my tougne tingling in shcok. 

    "It tastes like pie!" I said after I swallowed, awe in my voice. 

     "That's right!" Ernie said gleefully. "Theese buds taste like my favorite pie in the world, apple green bean pie." He said, a longing expression in his eyes, while I tried not to vomit at what I just ate.

    "Can I walk?" I said hesitantly, before I made any rash decisions. 

    "Absolutely!" he said grinning. "Go ahead. Try it!" Carefully, I stepped of the bed, and somehow I was able to walk in absolutely no pain. 

     "Thanks Ernie." I said gratefully as I walked to the door. Now I can run! I thought. Far far away from here. 

     "Anytime!" Ernie said with a smile. Before I could say anything else, he was gone. And that left me alone with Finn. 

     "Come on." he said, pulling me to the door, and iron grip on my arm like he was prepared for me to run. " We didn't have time for this. Let's go." Before we got to the door, the subject of his Dad floated back into my mind, clouding my thoughts. 

     "Finn," I said, stubborn mode kicking in. "Who is your father? The only way I will go with you is if you tell me." For some reason all of the sudden the subject of his father was the most prominent subject in my mind. I had a gut feeling that I should know. An angry look crossed his face as he turned on me.

     "That is none of your buisness." He said in a cold tone. Before he could say anything else. I saw the girls run toward me, and I became invisible once again.

    

    

     


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Wed Aug 19, 2015 2:31 pm
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Waddlers wrote a review...



WOOP, WOOP! It's me!!! Waddlers!!! Immuna review dis AMAZING chapter now!!! (YAY, FINALLY!!!)

Just to start, I'm wondering if you'd like me to draw your characters out for you so that you can post them on here. I will if you'd like! Just tell me in ridiculous detail what they look like.

OK! Now; Ernie. I fell in love with this guy straight away - his uncontrollable enthusiasm for his passion helps to show how much plant research you must've done! XD It also helps form a strong character when you figure out what they like to do. For example; Spongebob likes blowing bubbles - this helps with showing he'd childish. Patrick's unemployed - this helps to show how dumb he is (in Bikini bottom it's probably quite easy to get a job) and yada yada yada!

Piper's character is also beginning to become more interesting. She really doesn't want to be that girl that was taken away by that cute handsome boy - which makes everything seem much more relatable. Also, her thought patterns are childish, yet sassy and quite messily clear which shows how she feels quite unable to even think straight at this point. XD

It's good that you're adding things that'll link to everything; I'm sure Finn's coldness against his father will go somewhere deep and interesting!

Just a few little things like:
"Were" constantly being "where" and a few other little incorrect spellchecks i'm sure.

Also, I love your tri-square idea!!! Cause in science, the triangular, pyramid glass refracted the light into a rainbow. It's cool to see that something so neat is being given an ability in this purple world. XD

(Sorry I took so long XC) - Waddlers!






That is okay! I did do a lot of plant reasearch, you are right! Thanks so much for the drawing offer! That would be amazing!!!! :) Thanks so much! I can't draw myself that well so... :p Anyway, thanks so much for your reviews! They make me so happy! :) I can talk to you about the drawings in a PM!



Waddlers says...


Yeah, let's do that!






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Tue Aug 11, 2015 2:46 pm
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PickledChrissy wrote a review...



Heya, Chrissy here for a review!

Sorry for the delay, I got caught up. But I'm here now. And ready to review. :D

through my leg as I fell in my shock.


Fell doesn't seem to be the right word. Falling is falling through space. For falling down, I should think you'd want the word collapse. And just collapsed in shock, not my shock. We already know its her shock, she's the one falling down! :P

I still didn't trust him.


Wrong tense. It's don't, not didn't.

Ernie is quite a strange character. I hope he's going to stay! :D Oh, one thing though. She's dressed weird, so its apparent that she isn't from here. Wouldn't Ernie say something?

Finn burst through the door, quickly walked to the back of the room and carefully laid me down on an examination table. once my eyes adjusted to my new surroundings, I started to take a look around. It was a small, dimly lit room, the only source of light coming from the window outside and a tiny strange plant that radiated an orange glow on the shelves lining the left hand wall. The entire length of the wall had floor to ceiling shelving unit full of plants with name labels that sounded like diseases. To the right was a small, makeshift reception desk made out of a fold out wooden table with a small, green jar of pens on top of it. Across from it in front of the window were a bunch of mismatched chairs in an attempt at a seating area with ripped cushions and broken legs. Finn was trying to arrange himself in a comfortable position of a faded blue chair with a spot on it that looked suspiciously like vomit. The table that I was laying on felt like sleeping of a ton of bricks and I had to constantly move to a more comfortable position without laying on my leg wrong. I turned over to face my back to Finn and on the oak bedside table beside me was a copy of a magazine entitled: The Young Women's Guide to The World of Plants with a picture of a girl that looked about eight years old in purple clothing with the multicolored rose emblem holding a medium sized green plant with pink spots and teeth. TEETH! My eyes widened in terror as I held back a scream. What is this place? I thought, panick sinking in. I want to go home!!


Way too big! Need to chop it in thirds. Read through, find where it changes subject. I think it's when she starts to look around, and then turn her face. Btw, interesting plant. :P

Finn burst through the door, quickly walked to the back of the room and carefully laid me down on an examination table. once my eyes adjusted to my new surroundings, I started to take a look around.

It was a small, dimly lit room, the only source of light coming from the window outside and a tiny strange plant that radiated an orange glow on the shelves lining the left hand wall. The entire length of the wall had floor to ceiling shelving unit full of plants with name labels that sounded like diseases. To the right was a small, makeshift reception desk made out of a fold out wooden table with a small, green jar of pens on top of it. Across from it in front of the window were a bunch of mismatched chairs in an attempt at a seating area with ripped cushions and broken legs. Finn was trying to arrange himself in a comfortable position of a faded blue chair with a spot on it that looked suspiciously like vomit. The table that I was laying on felt like sleeping of a ton of bricks and I had to constantly move to a more comfortable position without laying on my leg wrong.

I turned over to face my back to Finn and on the oak bedside table beside me was a copy of a magazine entitled: The Young Women's Guide to The World of Plants with a picture of a girl that looked about eight years old in purple clothing with the multicolored rose emblem holding a medium sized green plant with pink spots and teeth. TEETH! My eyes widened in terror as I held back a scream. What is this place? I thought, panick sinking in. I want to go home!!


"It tastes like cinnamon buns!"


Um, this seems too much like Percy Jackson. You know how that drink that the gods had, I can't remember what its called. But how it changes to what you like most. I know you weren't thinking about that when you were writing, but it is copying. As cool as it is, you might just want to take it out. Oh, and I think Enrie's favorite is pretty gross. lol

I sorry that I wasn't able to do anymore. I've done what I can. Sorry for taking so long to get too it, though. Love the story! :D It keeps on getting better and better, giving me less and less to do. lol

Keep writing! :D






Thanks so much! I will do major edits. I am so glad you like it! :)



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Thu Aug 06, 2015 11:40 pm
Lael wrote a review...



Hi, MusicalTheaterGirl17! :) It's kind of cool that I get to be the first reviewer on this work! Yay! ;)

"Before you could say Diagon Alley Finn was up in the air." Okay, I think it would be good to put some sort of separation from "Diagon Alley" and "Finn." So perhaps you could put quotations around "Diagon Alley" and/or have a comma after it.

"I am going to take her to Erine's." That's supposed to be "Ernie's," right?

"It looked like me and this "Ernie" guy had something on common already." I guess this is a typo put it's supposed to be "in common."

""That is none of your buisness."" You misspelled "business."

Mostly, everything else I have to say is about quotations. I noticed in a lot of places, you put periods at the ends of the sentences in quotations, then put in capital letters "He" or "She", as if it's a new sentence. Periods should be commas, and do not capitalize "he" or "she".

Okay, good job! :)






Thanks so much! I will fix those errors! :)




Life's short; smile while you still have teeth.
— Tuesday