A/N ; This is a rough draft, so none of this is final. I'm going to try to post one chapter as soon as I finish another one, so stuff might be behind, as well. This is a hot mess that was written at midnight on September 9th, 2018... but it started my story. Again. Enjoy, and happy reviewing (I'm sure I can improve).
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By all means, the day was calm. Unbroken, unstirred, with gentle winds blowing through the trees graced by autumn's touch, and forests of fiery-red oak trees for miles. Nothing to disturb it. Brooks babbling endlessly, birds singing, blackberries ripening on bushes - by all means, it was most certainly a perfect day.
Until me, of course.
I sprinted down the forest path, feeling my heartbeat in my throat. Feeling the wind through my long hair, coat sprawled out behind me, I felt natural. Wonderful, even. The thing is, though, I was supposed to be at Home for dinner. That slipped my mind when I was out exploring.
Bolting over some rocky terrain, I finally saw the steps to Home and made a beeline for them. I felt a wave of relief crash over me when I finally reached them, until I heard a voice.
"It's 6:00. You should've been here hours ago."
I looked up, catching my breath, to see the Doctor. He was stern, with a cold look spread out on his face.
"Hey, look, I'm sorry I wasn't fast enough."
"You could've gotten hurt out there! Killed, even."
"You're joking, right?" I rolled my eyes. "What out there could kill me?"
"A bunch of things," he responded, "aliens, timey wimey stuff, humans."
"'Timey wimey stuff?'"
"Just get inside," he grumbled, opening the door. "I'm very cross with you."
"Cross," I scoffed, "since when has anyone used the word 'cross'?"
"Don't argue with me, Frost."
We glared at each other for a moment, completely fed up with the other person. I was going to make a comment, but I held my tongue. He opened the door for me, and we walked inside.
"I'm just happy you're safe," he admitted, turning his gaze forward. I rolled my eyes. Was he serious? There was nothing out in the forest, other than a few campsites deep within. And nothing he said could stop me, because I knew there was something out there. Something big, like in stories. Something that felt quite unstable, yet grand.
"Are you going to say hello to your friends or not?" The Doctor asked impatiently, which knocked me out of my thinking. I quickly looked ahead, worried I'd missed something, to see Ash standing in front of me, Pikachu perched on his shoulder. He smiled when I noticed him, and ran a hand through his spiky black hair.
"Sorry, Doctor." I half-smiled. "Hello, Ash."
"Hey Berri! Zoned out there for a second, didn't you?" He laughed, and Pikachu chirped in agreement. They were like that, positive. I didn't know what to think of that.
"Daydreaming. It happens," I responded, "What's up?"
"What's up? What's up with you? Why'd you run off? What adventures did you go on?"
I saw the Doctor cross his arms from the corner of my eye.
"Just exploring," I said plainly. I almost expected a sigh from the Doctor, but I heard nothing. Ash smiled again, in return.
We must've started talking because not only did the Doctor wander off somewhere, but Iris, Ash's best friend, had found us, and we were discussing the perfect Pokemon battling style. By the fountain, no less. We each had our own ways of doing things, and we each loved those ways-- change was difficult sometimes.
"You two like attacking head-on. All I'm saying is that you could stand to use defense once in a while," she explained. She had a point.
"You kinda sound like Cilan," Ash pointed out.
"What? No I don't."
"Hey, don't take that harshly-"
"I don't sound like him-"
"Hey," I interrupted, "where is he? Wasn't he here?"
The two of them shared a look. "I thought he was making dinner," Iris said.
"Probably."
{ *.゜。:+.゜。* }
Normally, I keep very good track of time, but today, it just slipped through my fingers. Of course, the three of us kept talking, and that's where it escaped me. Fortunately, though, Iris had been right. Cilan had been making dinner, and he ran downstairs and across the Plaza (it was practically the living room of the place, where we were staying) to tell us this. We followed him back to the kitchen, where we also found the Doctor, along with a few plates of spaghetti. I grinned. I was a picky eater (and there were times when I didn't eat at all), and Cilan knew this, but there were a few things I'd eat. My favorite? Most pastas.
When we noticed the Doctor wasn't eating, he said he wasn't hungry.
"I don't do eating," he said simply, "and I have a date tonight."
I swear, we all stared at him like he had three heads. He scoffed and continued, "I can get dates, too!"
"Yes," I said, "but with who?"
"Whom," Cilan corrected.
"I've heard it both ways."
"No, you haven't," Iris interjected.
"Nobody," the Doctor exclaimed, "and you-- you wouldn't know her anyways."
"Oh, come on, Doctor, I've seen plenty of your adventures. Who is it?" I propped my head up on the back of my hand.
"Maybe you shouldn't push him, Berri," Cilan warned. I, of course, ignored this, and continued to bother him about it.
"It's nobody, Frost. Don't worry," he said, getting up to leave. He thought for a moment, then looked at me. "And don't go outside tonight. Consider this me trying to help you."
"This is you grounding me."
"Exactly. Besides, you could— well, you could play a board game, or connect with your friends, or draw, or even paint, probably. I don't know."
"Doctor, nothing's gonna happen out there."
He sighed, then stated: "I'd rather have you be safe here than be potentially in danger out there." I nodded. At this point, I wasn't going to argue with him. I understood where he was coming from. And with that, he said goodbye and left the room.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hiya, Violet here reviewing this wonderful work!
I know this is a rough draft, and it does need polishing, but it's a good start to the story. your description is spot on, and the dialogue is shaped very well. And what the character says and how they say it gives the reader knowledge as to the personalities of the character. And that's good, considering this is the first chapter and a rough draft.
Overall, you're starting off well. The characters are great, and Pikachu is so cute.
<33
Hay there @MusesOfATimeLady I am here to talk about your work, it is a Very nice work I loved it, keep up the good work, what I will say is could you try to make it so that it is not really rated twelve so that is all that I can say other then that I really liked it. I like the first part most your description was very good I think, the spelling also looked good to me, I also think that the names are pretty cool to. I like how the end part of the chapter goes as well, how they talk about being safe and stuff it is pretty cool. So that really is all that I can say about this work, So keep up the good writing for you did a grate job here.
@EagleFly out to seek and kill
Thanks!
Hey y'all, it's ya boi, back at it again with Welcome Home (remember my old account?? Oof) Hope you enjoy reading the newest edition of it
@alliyah @AriannaC @Magestorrow @EagleFly @lemonboi @imaginer2018 @questfinder33
sorry
Of cores I will read this and I do remember.