Chapter 2 - Taken

by Murphy2493

Published November 21, 2017

18+ Language Violence Mature Content

In Dangerous Miracles

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Taken

I wake up feeling weaker than I have ever felt before. I look around, my brain feeling groggy. I am back home in my bed, as if I had never left. Playful beams of sun light spread across my comforter. I am dressed neatly in a pair of my pajamas and my party clothes are gone. Maybe last night was a dream? It had to be. Why else would I be home? I lay in bed, deciding to call in sick. I cannot seem to get up, my limbs protesting at the slightest movement. I grab the phone off its cradle on the night stand by my bed. I wait while the phone at the deli rings. A movement out of the corner of my eye catches my attention. My eyes widen and I almost do not answer when someone on the other end picks up and says hello.

"This is He-Heather." I stutter, still staring at Ethan leaning against the wall in my living room. I can see him through the open door. He stares at me with an emotionless gaze.

He enters the room slowly, taking his time. "Tell them you quit." He says in a cold tone.

I immediately do as he says, trying to explain to my boss why I did not even give him notice. My excuse is that I am moving. I do not even know where the thought came from and I do not know why I am obeying Ethan. Something... I do not know what... Something just would not let me do otherwise. I hang up the phone, my nerves tense with anxiety. I try my best to sit up, feeling incredibly vulnerable.

"W-What are y-you doing here?" I ask, frightened beyond words. "How do you know where I live?"

He smiles. " Who do you think followed you home all those times?" I thought you might have figured that out by now."

I shake my head and close my eyes. This cannot be happening. I am still dreaming. I must be. I swallow and focus on his feet, not wanting to look at his intense features. "What do you want?" I ask softly, scared to know the answer.

"Well, quite simply, I want you." He says, moving next to me.

"You're crazy!" I exclaim, shock evident on my face. "I'm going to call the police." I grab the phone, my fingers already dialing 9-1-1.

"Heather, put the phone down." He demands. Immediately, to my horror, my hand moves to do what he says and hangs it up. "Now, you'll either allow me to carry you, or you'll have to walk out yourself. Whichever will arouse the least suspicion with your neighbors."

I shake my head, tears springing to my eyes. "No, please no." I whisper.

"Yeah, you'd probably better walk. Don't want to make you look like an invalid. Now, get up and come with me." He walks out of the room and my body moves without my consent, the energy returned only to walk out of the room and outside. My shoulders shake as I sob and think about all the things that could happen and the people that I care about the most. I wrap my arms around myself and let the tears flow down my cheeks as I follow Ethan down the street.

We walk a couple of blocks from my apartment building when we turn into a deserted lot. Some chill races down my spine. Having gotten far in front of me, Ethan stops and waits, looking back at me impatiently. I catch up with him, wishing my body would allow me to turn and run away. Sniffling, I stare at the ground in front of my feet. A cold wind whips around my slender form, tossing my chestnut hair across my face. His hand grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him. I squint in the sunlight, avoiding his searching eyes. "It worked better than I thought." He murmurs, loosening his grip. His fingers softly stroking my face.

He wraps his arms around my waist. "Let me go!" I exclaim in surprise. I kick out at him, but my feet fall short as my breath is taken away. I am at least ten feet off the ground and gaining. I gasp and look up at Ethan. He is looking over my head, out at the horizon. We are already above most of the buildings and I have no idea how he is doing it. He picks up speed, leaning forward slightly. I glance down and my breath catches in my throat. If I fell... I quickly wrap my arms around him, clutching his shirt. I look up again in time to see a smirk cross his perfect face. I crane my neck around to see where we are heading. He flies straight for the tallest building in the city.

"What are you doing? Are you insane?" I scream but the words disappear in the wind. I press my face into his rock-hard chest. I feel him veer, the force tearing at my dangling legs. My foot touches the edge of the building as he skirts around it.

I get up the courage to look around again. We are past the city and flying over the suburbs now. The wind whips my face, tossing my hair wildly. The only way to prevent it is to keep my head against Ethan's chest. Tears make their way to my eyes again in frustration but I do it anyway. I can hear his heart beating. An odd thing to hear coming from such a heartless person.

It feels like hours go by before I feel our speed slow down and I pull my face to look out. I cannot recognize any landmarks. It is grassy with small groves of trees and a lake that rests just beyond a small hill. The air is much warmer. Ethan begins to descend towards to ground. I see a large house next to a winding road, where he sets me down and I totter a little bit trying to adjust to being on solid ground again.

I glance around anxiously. "Where are we?" I ask, my voice rising and cracking. I am franticly searching for any civilization besides the house. There are none. I take in a shuddering breath and close my eyes. When I open them, Ethan is at the gate to the drive way.

"Come on!" He growls. With a glance at his back I take off running in the opposite direction. I only make it a few feet before Ethan grabs me from behind. His arm wraps around my waist so tight I can hardly breathe.

"Going somewhere?" He asks, his grip tightening. I wince and shake my head, trying to pull in air. "Good."

Dragging me across the ground, he drops me just inside the gate of the yard. He enters the front door of the house, leaving it open for me to come in after him. The sudden ability to breathe leaves me sitting there gasping for air, which gives me time to wonder what he plans to do with me. Will he kill me? I have seen his face, so it would not make much sense for him to let me live after he hurts me.

"Hurry up!" He snaps, standing just before me with his hands on his hips.

Startled, I stagger through the entryway into a huge hallway, it is empty but I hear muffled voices coming from another room. The beautiful decor looks exactly like the place I had been to last night. Finding such a nice house in a deserted place like this is surprising. I bet he likes his privacy. Taking a deep breath, I follow Ethan into the living room, my bare feet cushioned in fluffy carpet.

He leads me up a small flight of stairs and down a long hallway. He opens a door and pushes me into a dimly lit room. I stumble and barely catch myself on a table in the middle of the room. A large oval bed with black silk sheets lies to the right of me with a night stand and a lamp next to it. Several wooden dressers stand next to the wall in front of me. A large wardrobe looms to me left, next to a metal cage as tall as me. There is no window, so the only source of light is coming from the lamp on the night stand and a light bulb on the ceiling. Several blankets and pillows are strewn across the bottom of the cage. Ethan follows my gaze.

"Do you like it?" I shudder. This man is beyond crazy. "Answer me when I ask you a question!" He growls, grabbing my hair and turning me to look at him.

I let out a yowl, kicking at his shins. My bare feet meet bone, doing nothing but hurting my own toes. He frowns. "Naughty." He slaps me across the face, leaving a welt. I cry out, reaching my hand up to touch my burning skin. I cannot help but cry. "Now, answer me." He commands, his blue crystals boring into mine.

"No." I mutter, knowing I am playing a dangerous line.

"Oh really? You'll be glad the cage soon enough." He laughs under his breath, apparently having more in mind for me. He releases my hair and steps away with his hands behind his back. "I have some things to do. We can get better acquainted later." A grin crosses his handsome face that makes me want to vomit.

I blink, my face pale. "What are you going to do to me?" I ask, clasping my hands in front of myself.

"You'll see." He says mysteriously, his mouth twitching at the corners.

"Are you...going to kill me?" I ask hesitantly, glancing at the floor as another lump forms into my throat.

"No, baby, I have much better things in mind for you." He turns to leave the room. "I'll have the others come and clean you yup. Stay in here or you'll be punished." He exits, ignoring my pleas for him to release me. I hear his footsteps dissipate.

"Let me go!" I scream. "I want to go home!" Racing over to the door, I pound on it, too afraid of what might happen if I disobey. I collapse to the floor and bury my face in my hands, the flood gates of emotion from everything that has happened caving in on me. How did this happen? How did I get picked? I never bothered anyone. I went to my shitty job, did what needed to be done, hung out with my friends and never did anything too extreme. And then this guy appears out of nowhere, kidnaps me, and will probably torture me. I hear the door creak as it opens. I lift my head fearfully, scared that Ethan has returned.

A girl with long amber, bright green eyes and pale skin enters, followed closely by a blonde with long hair, ocean blue eyes and pale skin, the same blonde who had answered the door at the party. Both are wearing incredibly skimpy outfits and sport bruises and scars. I shiver at the sight of them, wondering if that is what I am to become. They glance around the room before their eyes land on me. They smile, but it is a nervous smile, as if they are not sure what to expect.

"Are you Heather?" The red head asks, taking a hesitant step towards me. I nod, trying not to sniffle.

"I'm Chloe." She points to the blonde. "That's Grace."

Grace smiles, the same anxious smile she gave me at the party. "Ethan sent us to help you get ready."

I nod, confused as to what I am supposed to being getting ready for and not sure what to think of these girls. Nothing makes any sense. I allow them to help me undress and lead me to the bathroom, a door next to the dressers leading off the room I am in. I do not even care to admire the marble fixtures and huge tub. It is filled with steamy water and surrounded by various toiletries. The girls leave me to my bath and I sink into the water, letting the heat carry away my troubles. A small sigh escapes my lips as I relax, trying to forget everything.

After a while, I wash myself and get out, finding a plush towel lying on the counter. I also find a brush and work through the tangles obtained while flying. Chloe returns, carrying some clothes. She stares at me for a moment, then glances down at the outfit.

"Here." She mumbles, handing it to me.

I take it and stare at it, more tears rushing to my eyes. "Thanks." I mutter. Chloe leaves me in privacy to put the clothes on. There is a tiny black skirt and a tight black spaghetti-strap shirt, low cut to expose plenty of cleavage. I stare at myself in the mirror. I look like a slut. I am guessing that is how I am supposed to look. Chloe's face in the mirror behind me startles me.

"We have to go now. Do you have everything you need?" Her words are stiff, as if she does not care how I answer. I follow Chloe out of the bathroom.

"Wait..." I plead. "Don't leave me alone...please." I am surprised at how pathetic I sound. Chloe and Grace turn at the same time.

Grace sighs. "What?" She asks harshly.

"I don't want to be alone. Please, stay... Please, talk to me." I whimper, my heart heavy in fear of Ethan's return. "Who are you?"

Chloe's face softens. "I'm sorry... We can't stay. Are you hungry? We can bring you some food before he gets back."

My stomach feels like lead but I nod, desperate for to be here with me. Grace smiles understandingly.

They leave the room, shutting the door softly. I stare at it hopelessly, wanting with everything in me for them to return. I refuse to sit anywhere but on the floor, not wanting to anything of Ethan's. Surveying around the room, I notice something else. Ethan apparently really likes posters; he has a lot of them, mostly of bands like Stained, Good Charlotte, Nirvana, and a few others that I have never heard of. There are also several posters of lingerie models. It seems to suit him. I rest my head in my hands and stare at the floor, trying to calm myself. There must be some way out of here. Maybe those girls know. Why would they not have left yet?

I focus on regulating my breathing. The door opens again. I look up and see Grace enter by herself with a tray. On the tray is a sandwich and a cup of milk. I watch hungrily as Grace sets it down on the floor in front of me.

"Here. Chloe couldn't come back, sorry." She watches me devour the food.

"Grace, where am I?" I ask quickly, afraid she will leave before I can ask.

"You're in Ethan's room." She says matter-of-factly.

I sigh. "No, where are all of us? What town are we in? What state?"

She gives me a blank stare. "I don't know. We're just...here."

With my hopes crushed, I just stare at her. If I do not know where I am, I cannot get home. "Where's the closest town?"

"I... don’t know. Maybe twenty miles. I don't know how to get there, though. Or what it's called. Ethan and the others won't let us see. I've been there, though." Grace hesitates, glancing away. I can tell she is nervous about letting me know even that much information.

I decide that I am going to find out somehow. Another question pops into my head. "Why have I been brought here?"

Grace shakes her head. "You do not want to know."

I nod. "Yes, I do."

Her shoulders sag and her features look as if she is aging right in front of me. "You belong to Ethan."

"No, I don't!" I exclaim, her words make my blood boil.

She shrugs. "He injected you with the needle, right?"

I pause, then nod, wondering how she knows.

"That was the serum he made. It bonds you to him. You are his. He can tell you what to do, and to a certain extent, you must do it. Your body is controlled by him." Grace stares at a wall, but I can tell she is seeing something else. I wonder if maybe the same thing happened to her. "It only works when he's nearby, though."

I blink several times, a hysterical laugh bubbling up. I giggle. Grace looks at me like I am crazy. I laugh again, but this time it ends in a sob. I bury my face in my hands, trying to muffle my cries. Grace's hand touches my shoulder for a moment before she pulls away. I hear footsteps down the hallway approaching the door. Ethan...

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Shady
Review
Shady wrote a review Review · Jan 17, 2018

Hey Murphy,

Shady back with another review for you!

"You're crazy!" I exclaim, shock evident on my face.


This is another of those "tell" vs "show" things I mentioned in a previous review. Rather than telling us the shock is evident, show us through her wide eyes and gaping mouth.

I squint in the sunlight, avoiding his searching eyes. "It worked better than I thought." He murmurs, loosening his grip. His fingers softly stroking my face.


This is more of a stylistic thing, but you do it very frequently so I thought I'd mention it. Personally, I really dislike sandwiching dialogue in the middle of descriptive text. It's cool if you start or end the paragraph with dialogue (or both), but I would recommend not putting it in the middle. For example:

"Blah, blah, blah," she said, turning to face him. She felt scared and alone as she stared up into his cold eyes.

or

He stood with his arms crossed and brows furrowed. It felt like an eternity before he finally spoke, voice rough and terse as he commanded her. "Come here."

or

"Blah, blah, blah," she said, brushing her hair out of her face. She fixed a glare on her face and planted her hands on her hips. "Blah, blah, blah."

Obviously none of those are edits from your story -- I just came up with random examples to illustrate what I meant. It's fine to have some action and descriptors with dialogue, but it helps draw attention to the dialogue when you don't sandwich it in the middle.

I also personally try to keep paragraphs with dialogue shorter. I might have longer paragraphs when I'm just describing a setting or a character. But when I'm writing dialogue I try to make everything in that paragraph relevant to what is being said -- another way to help the readers pick out what details are important.

I am at least ten feet off the ground and gaining.


Wow, that was unexpected. Very nice! You really have a talent for keeping things unpredictable and exciting. I'm really enjoying your characters and plot. It's very interesting and makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next.

A large wardrobe looms to me left, next to a metal cage as tall as me.


Just a minor typo, but it should be "my" not "me" :)

"Oh really? You'll be glad the cage soon enough."


I think you're missing a word here. Should it maybe be "You'll be glad for the cage soon enough."?

I hear his footsteps dissipate.


Hmm. I'm not sure this is the word you are going for here. Dissipate usually means like disperse. Like the fog dissipated in the morning heat. Do you mean like depart? Or something?

My stomach feels like lead but I nod, desperate for to be here with me.


I think you're missing a word here as well. Desperate for what to be here with her?

I refuse to sit anywhere but on the floor, not wanting to anything of Ethan's.


And here as well. Do you mean not wanting to "touch" anything of Ethan's?

~ ~ ~

Wow... you are really good with the cliffhanger endings! So far your story is very good. I'm still enjoying it a lot, and I look forward to reading onwards!

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)

User avatar
Cyvain87
Review
Cyvain87 wrote a review Review · Dec 13, 2017

Greetings once more coming back for more input since Chapter 1. I am absolutely loving the character of Ethan and how scary/sexy he is being portrayed. Looking forward to see what happens with what her and the other girls. I do however have one grammar mistake I have noticed I am unsure if you intended:

<quote>I refuse to sit anywhere but on the floor, not wanting to anything of Ethan's.</quote>

It seems to me a word is missing between "not wanting to" and "anything" unless I am reading this sentance wrong.

Otherwise yet again a stunning chapter.

User avatar
Dulcet
Review
Dulcet wrote a review Review · Nov 26, 2017

Heya Murphy, happy Review Day! I'm here to give a review on this berry fine piece for Team Cranberries, if you don't mind! You've got a mighty good premise here, from what I can see. I can't find Chapter 1 unfortunately, so I don't know the full details of the plot so far, but man, jumping straight into Chapter 2 already has me hooked. I'd love to read Chapter 1, but alas.

My favourite thing about this piece is probably the introduction of Grace and Chloe. They're kind of stand-offish at the moment, and their conversation with Heather is somewhat awkward, but that's suitable since... well, any conversation that pretty much goes like, "you got kidnapped and now you're literally owned by a hot psycho dude!" is bound to be awkward, haha. It's also pretty clear that they're somewhat sympathetic to Heather's plight, and I hope they have more bonding opportunities in the future. Or maybe they'll die horrible deaths and/or we'll never see them again. Who knows? Regardless, Grace and Chloe's introduction gives me hope that Heather'll make some allies and eventually escape from Ethan's 'ownership'.

On the topic of Ethan, he's quite scary and intimidating. I look forward to learning more about him - like, how does he fly!? But more importantly, why is he kidnapping girls? I must know.

I'd also like to learn more about Heather herself. I'm sure there's more characterisation to her in Chapter 1, but in this chapter, she's kind of like a blank slate. There's just not much to her character, I think. She's certainly sympathetic, though, and her reactions to what's happening are understandable and relatable.

Characters aside, your prose is easy to read and perfectly understandable. I do need to point out, though:

I wake up feeling weaker than I have ever felt before. I look around, my brain feeling groggy. I am back home in my bed, as if I had never left.


You've got areas like this scattered all around this work, where consecutive sentences all start with "I". Starting sentences with the same word can make the prose a tad choppy (and a bit boring to read), so I'd play around with these areas a bit to make them flow better.

I can hear his heart beating. An odd thing to hear coming from such a heartless person.


Just want to say I looooove this line! Also, dare I say it, it could be a hint that Ethan's still human and redeemable? I still hate him and what he's done so far, honestly, but ya know. Perhaps he's not a heartless monster afterall. Or maybe he is. Dunno, heh.

"Oh really? You'll be glad the cage soon enough."

My stomach feels like lead but I nod, desperate for to be here with me. Grace smiles understandingly.


I feel like there are some missing words in these sentences. This piece would benefit from a thorough proofread, I'd say. Also, here's a handy guide on dialogue punctuation: Dialogue Punctuation

I'll leave that guide here because there's some piece of dialogue that should be ending in commas rather than periods. This, for example:

"You're in Ethan's room." She says matter-of-factly.


should be "You're in Ethan's room," she says matter-of-factly.

Grammar is a finnicky thing, but keeping the grammar correct just allows for an easier read with a guarantee that there are no misunderstandings between the writer and the reader. Aside from the dialogue punctuation though, your grammar is spot on.

Aaaaand I think that's all I can really give comments on, since the rest of the piece is pretty great too. I apologise if this review wasn't helpful at all, truly. If you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing, just ask and I'll answer to the best of my ability.

Thanks for the great read, and I hope you have a berry lovely day! C:

Thanks for the review. As soon as I get more points I will post more chapters. I have the 1st chapter in the Dangerous Miracles folder in my profile if you want to read it. I must have miss a button in the publishing process, sorry for the inconvenience. Your review was very helpful and I will definitely read that dialogue you gave me. Thanks again and have a wonderful day.

User avatar
GreenTea
Review
GreenTea wrote a review Review · Nov 23, 2017

Greenteas and salutations my dear friend!

My name is GreenTea and I'm here to review! I hope none of the constructive criticism will be taken negatively and the positive comments will help inspire you to continue. Let's get into the review!

Wowie, this got off to a tremendous start! The action, the suspense, the screaming, all of it! I thought it was a very strong way to start off a chapter, especially since it seems like this "Heather" girl is pretty average. Your opening sentences were explosive and caught my attention almost immediately. I want to know more about this Ethan dude and his horrific plans for poor Heather. You had a very strong and well-developed vocabulary that explained what was happening for those of us who had just come in on this chapter. The plot is also intriguing. A guy injects a needle into our protagonist and now she's controlled by him? Sounds super cool to me!

Let's get to the nitty gritty stuff!
1) "He smiles. " Who do you think followed you home all those times?" I thought you might have figured that out by now.""
Just a small punctuation error there. I don't think there should be a quotation mark between "times?" and "I".

2) "This cannot be happening. I am still dreaming. I must be."
I think this fragment should be italicized seeing that it is part of her thoughts and she's not saying them out loud nor are they actions. It just makes more visual sense to have these in italics signaling she's thinking.

3) ""Don't want to make you look like an invalid."
Huh? Is 'invalid' a noun here? If so, what are they? Does Heather know what they are? Am I just unobservant? The world may never know.

4) "He wraps his arms around my waist. "Let me go!" I exclaim in surprise. I kick out at him, but my feet fall short as my breath is taken away. I am at least ten feet off the ground and gaining. I gasp and look up at Ethan. He is looking over my head, out at the horizon. We are already above most of the buildings and I have no idea how he is doing it."
WHAT? THE CREEPY DUDE WITH THE SYRINGE CAN FLY?? That's some serious voodoo magic he got there and I want nothing to do with his sneaky bum. No thank you, GreenTea don't want any of it.

5) ""No, baby, I have much better things in mind for you." He turns to leave the room. "
Another small punctuation mistake. There shouldn't be a comma between "no" and "baby". It makes him seem breathless and he doesn't strike me as the breathless type.

That's all I have for now! This story is incredibly intriguing and I would love to read more. Please, do keep me posted on the next chapter!

Hope I gave you a quali-tea review!
再見
Zàijiàn!
~GreenTea

Thank you so much for your review. This has been a work in progress for so long haha. I am so glad you liked it and after I do more reviews and get more points I will post more chapters.
1) There will probably be a lot of punctuation errors because my kids have sticky fingers, so my keyboard is a little wonky.

2) Thanks for the suggestion. I will definitely put that into my writing.

3) The use of invalid is because Ethan does not want to make Heathers neighbors think there is something wrong with her. He does not want to draw more attention. I am open to word suggestions if you have any.

4) Ah, Ethan is a creepy dude. You will learn more about him in future chapters.

5)No he is not a breathless kind of guy. Another indication that I was not paying attention to my punctuation check haha.

I'm glad you liked it. The 1st chapter is in the Dangerous Miracles folder in my profile if you would like to read from the beginning. I don't know why it didn't show up but it was my first publishing so I probably missed a button.



Poetry lies its way to the truth.
— John Ciardi