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16+ Language Mature Content

Prologue

by Munozutoo2122


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

Prologue

There was a time in my life I used to think I had to pursue what other wanted me to pursue. I didn’t think men could be so kind and empathetic, as well as I didn’t think it would be possible for me to realize that now was the time for me to chase my dreams not the dreams people wanted me to follow. I realized that life is short and that if I didn’t take risk and aim for the stars I’d miss out. I also didn’t think I could actually help someone to see that everyone is given second chances, until I met  Hayes Ruiz, a sick 19 year old boy, who showed me that everything I had once believed was a lie. I was ready to take more risk. I was ready to experience them. Now this is a story of how two people were on the brink of losing hope found one another in the darkness and saved each other. Two young people who were stubborn enough to not give up on each other despite how cruel life was.  My names Meadow Alvarez.  I am 18 years old and live in Manhattan New York and this is my story. This is the story of me and Hayes and how we held onto life together. This is a story of how we saw the world through our eyes. But as always we have to start at the beginning. When both our world's took a turn for the best.


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18 Reviews


Points: 51
Reviews: 18

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Mon Mar 25, 2019 9:05 pm
Munozutoo2122 says...



How is that to all my readers and people giving me great cristism




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11 Reviews


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Reviews: 11

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Fri Mar 22, 2019 10:29 pm
Sivershade797 wrote a review...



Hey Munozutoo2122!

I love the wording, and I think this story could go really far! I just had three suggestions for you - the first is to maybe go back and read through the story because there are a lot of run-on sentences, like "My names Meadow and this is my story about how at first I didn't know if I should follow my dreams or follow what others dreamed for me, until I meet Hayes a sick boy who changed my world and I actually changed his."

This might be a little bit easier to understand if you said something like this... "My name is Meadow, and this is my story. This is a story about how at first, I didn't know if I should follow my dreams or follow what others dreamed for me. And about how this all changed when I met Hayes, a sick boy who changed my world. And how I changed his."

The second thing that I wanted to mention was that you might want to split this up into multiple paragraphs. Like, at "Now this is a story of how two people...". But this is just a suggestion - it'll be awesome either way!

Thirdly, I agree with Honora that you repeat the part about how you met a lot of times, and finally, I also agree with 4revgreen that the prologue doesn't really make you very excited about the book. I always start my prologues with someone saying something - maybe you could also tell more about the characters - like their last names, or how old they are, or which state or even country they live in.

But this story seems interesting, and I'll definitely be reading it! 😄😆

~Sivershade797




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163 Reviews


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Sat Mar 09, 2019 3:02 pm
4revgreen wrote a review...



First of all, I'd just like to point out that in the first line you put "other" when i think you meant "others" :-)
There was a lot of long sentences and repetition, which in a prologue really doesn't work. In my opinion, a prologue should be quick and fast paced in order to really catch the readers attention and wants them make to read the rest of the book.
I really do think you should have spaced it out in paragraphed. The structure made it very hard to read and follow what the narrator was saying.
It did sound interesting though, I'd love to read it if you post any more.
Hope this feedback helps :-)




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159 Reviews


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Thu Mar 07, 2019 10:58 pm
Honora wrote a review...



Hey Muno! :D So I think that a prologue is a great idea but this one seems more like the back of the book than a prologue. I noticed you repeated yourself multiple times about meeting Hayes. A couple of times is fine but you did it a lot. Your sentence structure is always long and it would help if you switched it up a bit. Throw some small sentences in there instead of all of them being lengthy and wordy. Also, you are using "I" instead of she, which is fine, but you keep switching from past to present tense. Usually if you are using "I", it is present tense.
Other than that, it was very good. I liked it because I think it could evolve into an amazing book. Also, don't take anything I say personally...I don't mean to offend but rather to help you out. There's always room for improvement! ;) If you want to get back at me you can go read criticize my work and tell me what you think of it! ;) Keep up the good work!






Thanks for the criticism and np



Honora says...


Your welcome! I did really enjoy it, just so you know :)





How's that now. Is it much better than the last one



Honora says...


Yes, it is. :) Good job!





thanks



Honora says...


Your welcome :)




My tongue must tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart, concealing it, will break...
— Katherine, The Taming of the Shrew