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16+ Language Violence Mature Content

Obsessed With You (Should I make this story)

by Munozutoo2122


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Obsessed With You

Kayden Allores has a problem. Well two actually. One is that her angry ex-boyfriend is demanding that she take him back, and two she’s being stalked by him as well. Ever since they got together he has been stalking her and even after they broke up he continued stalking her. Kayden decides to move to another town but that doesn’t stop Liam her ex from following her and torturing her with threats, dead animals, and his haunting phone calls. Kayden is so scared she decides to turn to the police where she meets Detective Ryan Peters whom she takes a liking to. However Liam doesn’t like that his girlfriend is moving on and he plans to show it. Kayden however feels like with Ryan she can have a new life and move on from the fear of ever loving again. She feels safe and protected and as their relationship grows along with trying to catch Liam in the act, Liam decides to strike again and he decides he will get rid of Ryan. Kayden must then make a choice. To go after Liam and save the man she fell in love with so she could start anew life or to turn around and just run from her haunting stalker of a boyfriend forever living in the dark. Kayden will have to decide what she really wants before its too late.


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122 Reviews


Points: 264
Reviews: 122

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Fri Mar 15, 2019 7:07 pm
Anma says...



Absolutely!

I feel that if you can and want to make it then do it!

It sounds interesting, id probably check it out myself.
I love that it has romance, that is one of my favorite things to read about.

The title is very attracting as well, i hope that you'l keep it!
The mix between horror and romance makes it ten times better!

Its mostly realistic witch also gives it a lot more chance of reading.

Anyway i think you should! It sounds like it will be great!

I hope to read more from you.

Sincerely Anma




User avatar
122 Reviews


Points: 264
Reviews: 122

Donate
Fri Mar 15, 2019 7:07 pm
Anma wrote a review...



Absolutely!

I feel that if you can and want to make it then do it!

It sounds interesting, id probably check it out myself.
I love that it has romance, that is one of my favorite things to read about.

The title is very attracting as well, i hope that you'l keep it!
The mix between horror and romance makes it ten times better!

Its mostly realistic witch also gives it a lot more chance of reading.

Anyway i think you should! It sounds like it will be great!

I hope to read more from you.

Sincerely Anma




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84 Reviews


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Reviews: 84

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Thu Mar 07, 2019 11:02 pm
Honora says...



This sounds like a good piece of work! It looks promising and it would definitely keep your readers on the edge of their seats. If you wrote it, I would definitely read it! :D




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11 Reviews


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Thu Feb 28, 2019 10:20 pm
authorvibezz wrote a review...



Firstly, this sounds like it has great promise to be an excellent piece of literature. I like how it would incorporate both the thriller/mystery genre into a romantic backstory. This sets it apart from a very stereotypical 'market' of romance novels. I particularly would love to see how Kayden's relationship develops with Ryan - it adds a sense of do they go with their heart or their head, which as somebody with a weakness for romance novels craves. It helps to add the depth to an already exciting plot line.

I think this would be a very interesting read and hopefully you decide to pursue it!






Thank you and because your support I just might write it



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417 Reviews


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Thu Feb 28, 2019 1:24 am
Wolfical wrote a review...



Hello! Welcome to YWS~

It looks like you've posted a synopsis for your novel idea, which is great because you've managed to relatively succinctly summarize the main events of the plot. It's not quite a blurb, which ideally would be a lot shorter and eye-catching right off the bat, but that's fine because it's already really impressive that you can shrink all your ideas into one paragraph for us to give you feedback and tell you if it's something we'd be interested in. For me at least, if someone asks me what my novel is about, my reply is something along the lines of "You got an hour?"

Torturing her with dead animals? Yikes! Haha, I appreciate the originality. Reminds me a little of Norman Bates.

I'm going to get the grammar aspects out of the way really fast, since that aspect is not very important if this is just a synopsis. One thing I noticed that you could benefit from is using more commas. Try reading your sentences aloud to see where there are natural pauses.

Here are just a couple more grammatical suggestions:

One is that her angry ex-boyfriend is demanding that she take him back, and two the other is that she’s being stalked by him as well.


decide what she really wants before its it's too late.


Alright, now to the good stuff! : ) I think this is a great idea for a story/book, and that you should absolutely take a shot at writing it. I love that mystery is the primary genre instead of just romance. I was expecting Detective Ryan to be a cliche knight-in-shining-armor character that would protect Kayden from Liam and ultimately help her get rid of him, but the second to last sentence suggests something totally different, which I love: that she'll "go after Liam and save the man she fell in love with." You go, girl! I love that you're probably making the female protagonist strike out on her own to defend her lover instead of the other way around. She's taking the bull by the horns and dealing with her past relationship on her own.

Keep up the creativity and good luck!






Thank you so much I really appreciate the comment and feedback




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