Someone shouts my dead name through the crowd.
I tense and turn around.
I know that voice.
I haven't heard that voice in over two years.
They left me.
They left everyone.
They left for no reason.
Where were you? I ask them.
Why are you asking me this? They ask me.
You've been gone for over two years. I snap.
I was busy. They say.
Why couldn't you at least send a text?
I was busy.
You can't just leave and show up years later! You don't even know my name!
I do. It's-
It's not that. It hasn't been for a year.
I didn't know.
No. You didn't. How could you have know?! You left.
You're really pretty. I like the haircut.
Go away.
*pauses* What?
Go away! You can't just show up two years later and act like everything's okay!
You left when my world collapsed.
You left when I attempted suicide!
You left when I came out and got yelled at by my grandparents!
You left when I lost my best friend!
You can't just leave!
They say my dead name. Repeat my dead name as I walk away. Shout my dead name at my back.
THAT ISN'T MY NAME! I scream at them. GO AWAY!
They stare at me before walking away.
The crowd we were standing in parts for a furious child.
For a broken child.
For a scarred child.
For a traumatized child.
For a child who got left two years ago.
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140,560 Literary Works • 673,435 Reviews
This is.... I don't even know what to say. My name is Alex, I made this account with my parents next to me so now I am my deadname again. this story is so amazing this same thing has happened and I understand this pain. when somebody says your deadname and you feel scared, like you need to run or flee. I love how this story went back and forth from the narrator and the main person it really showed some of the pain that was happening. I feel like you could have dove more into how the person who left felt and how maybe they had regret or pain or something.
When this was written I think this showed the most pain and this was where I saw how much you were truly hurt and how much this really affected you and it made me help understand your pain.
I'm so sorry this happened to you Mrytle if it is true I hope you7 are okay now and I hope you have better people in your life.
Amazing writing, keep going!
Thank you so much for the review Alex! You can ask one of the moderators to change your username if it's safe for you to do so. If it's not I completely understand. If you ever want to talk I'm always open
I can do what I want now that the account is made. How do I ask the mods?
Message someone with a green username. As long as the username you want is open they can change it
okay tysm
This is something i'm sure a lot of us can relate to, I certainly can. I love the structure of the piece, the back and forth between the narrator and the person who left them. I don't know if this is a parent, or a friend, or a partner, but it made me mad on your behalf. The part where they say the deadname is particularly effective. I wonder did they leave before or after it became the narrator's deadname? Either is still terrible, but I think there are more details you could thread throughout that would lend to the heartbreaking theme.
You could try playing around with the spacing and look of the poem - maybe put the narrators words further away from the person who left them's replies, to show the distance that has grown? I think that could make it more effective. If this is based on a true events, I hope you have found better friends now.
A beautiful piece overall. Keep writing!
Thank you!
Woah, I really like the raw emotion I'm seeing in this poem. The rage, hurt, and bitterness can be felt from the screen (cuz I'm reading it on a screen, I couldnt really say page. lol. ok anyways) First of all, if this did happen to you, I'm really sorry and I hope you'll be able to get over the hurt you felt. After all, unforgiveness hurts you more than the person you cannot forgive. I like the use of the term "dead name". I believe it's very relatable to people who hate being called by a name because of that one person who used it. It's good that you used italics to show who's speaking as well. Overall, this is a great short read full of emotion. My challenge is for you to write this in a way that is more subtle, describing what are the little things that finally made the narrator burst the way they did. Great job!
Thank you for the review!