Untitled #3

by Monki

Published December 1, 2007

In No-No's!

We sat outside, just talking. We were sitting in that old field that we used to meet at as teenagers. When we were younger, the field was covered in a variety of flowers, grass, and even insects. Now, sitting here with him, it feels completely different. It feels like a different feeling, towards a different man, in a completely different place.

"So," He starts casually, "how have you been?"

"I've been okay. Nothing to write home about. What about you? I bet you have a beautiful wife and that daughter you've always wanted." I try to sound happy, when really I'm shriveled up and dying on the inside. I can't play this happy-for-you-even-though-someone-else-got-you-even-though-I-still-secretly-love-you-role anymore. "Actually, no, "He answers. "I've really missed someone else. She's the reason that I've never been through more than one relationship in my life. She's the reason that I haven't dated any other woman since our high school prom." I smiled and he smiled back.

Okay, again, I know this seems corny, but with your help, I can turn it around. Thanks guys! :)

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Monki
Comment
Monki commented Comment · Dec 1, 2007

Wow! Thanks! Lol. Personally, I rate it a 5/10. And it's my own story. But, thanks again. :)

User avatar
Blue Fairy
Review
Blue Fairy wrote a review Review · Dec 1, 2007

hi

'It feels like a different field with a different feeling-with a different guy'


this doesn't really make sense.
What about something like- A different feeling towards a different man in a completely different place.


nothing to write home about


You lost me there.


On the other hand it really sets a nice scene and the last few lines are worded well. I would give this 8 out of 10 :D

Hope I helped

from *Fairy*



"The trouble with Borrowing another mind was, you always felt out of place when you got back to your own body, and Granny was the first person ever to read the mind of a building. Now she was feeling big and gritty and full of passages. 'Are you all right?' Granny nodded, and opened her windows. She extended her east and west wings and tried to concentrate on the tiny cup held in her pillars."
— Terry Pratchett, Discworld: Equal Rites