A trick of mind,
in the blink of an eye
you are lost in time,
you were left behind.
Heart ablaze
a bright green flame.
You don't think straight,
you're eyes see red.
Material world,
the Devil's girl.
Intangible things
too, are not unseen.
Human nature
is not perfect
but we desire
to be just that.
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Canary word: Present
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139,434 Literary Works • 672,563 Reviews
Oh, wow.
Hi there, my friend, Mirasol. Wow. At first I thought your poem was simple, but it's actually really deep. Perhaps the way you worded it is simple. That is good. But people probably won't expect what you're bringing us; a creative deep topics. You decide if that's good or not, I can't tell. xD But you certainly gave us great imagery and your idea is full of potential! 8D
Keep it up!
~Solly<3
i liked this. I think that you caught the true essence of jealousy and you had all the details of how jealousy feels like to a person, but-yes there's a but-I think that you should have put it more. You should have gotten into a little more detail about jealousy, but it's your choice of whatever you want to do. What I don't like is the end. It ended a little awkward for me. The flow was good until that point so I would look that over. Good luck and keep writing.
Awesomely written I must say, very concise and very vivid, full of colors.
Keep it up
Sincerely,
Zaid.