this is a very rough draft of something I felt compelled to write sitting in my parents driveway <3 for the climate anxiety girlies
I used to look at the sunset
I used to look at the sunset and marvel at its beauty
We would tell each other, “you know those beautiful colors are caused by pollution?”
It was a joke then,
Not untrue, but said lightheartedly.
To cope with our existential dread
We look at the beautiful sunset
Today I looked at the sunset
From my spot in the Arizona mountains
From my parents million dollar home that was dropped on top of the desert
It’s beautiful there, at the house.
It’s still surrounded by life.
Today when I looked at the sunset I saw dark pink smog over Phoenix
It used to be light
Baby pink kissing the horizon
Saying goodnight to the dark blue sky coming in.
It looked like smoke, but over everything.
The burnt yellow, pressed between pink-brown and the last light of blue sky,
It used to be orange-
A drawing in pastels that blended flower petals and sunlight into a blanket that covered the city.
You know those beautiful colors?
They were made by pollution.
Now we don’t laugh.
The colors linger much lower than I remember
They do not cover my dread in awe
You know those beautiful colors?
Well, they used to be beautiful
And we would joke to ourselves about how they were made of pollution.
I guess, in hindsight
It wasn’t very funny
Hello Hello, I hope you don't mind me popping in with a quick review. I will apologize as this might be on the shorter side of things but I hope it can brighten your day. Let's get into it, shall we?
Overall I enjoyed this piece even if I am not the biggest activist when it comes to the environment I think it is an important message. I loved the use of details and repetition as it gave such a good flow or feel to the poem. It never came off as forced or preachy but instead very casual and raw while still pointing out the issues present. Much like the others said specifics make it vivid and personal in a good way. We were even advised to use them in poetry to elevate the effect in my workshops run by professional poets so I think you nailed it.
I also adored the use of colours altogether it makes this piece shine.
These two lines have to be a stand out to me the use of colour and how it flows paints such a nice but almost melancholic picture. I love it.
Now onto the feedback which I will warn you is going to be the shortest part of this review. Mostly due to me not finding anything to point out on the first read so great job.
With that being said I still love the message and hope you're having a good day. As always keep writing and drink water!
I love seeing some new poetry in the Green Room
I noticed how you repeated the same phrase twice here, but on the second line you expanded upon the thought. To me, I really like that and it really stood out. You mention how this poem is about anxiety. To me, this is symbolic of those anxiety feelings of a racing mind and thoughts. Where you need to repeat things to yourself to get a clear idea of what you are even thinking.
I liked the specifics that you used on this. It felt very narrative and direct. I enjoy this type of writing style a lot. You use specific details like your parents million dollar house and where this takes place. This not only helps develop the feeling that we see in your words, but it also helps me more with developing the image in my head of what this scene looks like. Awesome work!
I really enjoyed this ending that you used. I like the asking a question that you did at the end. But then we get the turn of events, where you state 'they used to be beautiful'. This really gives a bittersweet feeling, lots of pain and almost an acceptance that things will not change and this is the only way it can be. I overall enjoyed how you wrote this poem! It was direct and honest and very beautiful. Great work!
Your friend,
Ellie
Beautiful, it makes me feel like i'm there too.
The fact that this is about climate anxiety makes me feel happy, i love the sunset too and i also tend to marvel at its beauty too. The ending really carries the poem along
It is beautiful and it makes me feel less stressed about this, hope to see more of this in the future
Hi! Ley here to write a short yet hopefully helpful review on this amazing poem!
This was probably my favorite few lines in this poem! It was all beautiful, but the personification here-- the ability you have to give the colors of the sunset human-like traits, was amazing. While I was reading, I imagined the colors actually kissing, and the dark blue sky disappeared. Lovely job!
This last stanza as well was a great ending. I found myself smiling, and since I saw your author's note, I completely know how you feel. Sometimes, I also have climate anxiety!
Overall, I couldn't find any suggestions to make to this poem. It was well written, had great imagery and personification, and I absolutely loved it. I hope to read more from you soon! Have a lovely day or night.
Ley