I'm not sure why it didn't keep my spacing </3 but every 4 lines is a stanza
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This is a poem a wrote a while ago but I'm kind of flipping through things seeing if I have anything finished worth publishing. This was at least 6 years ago so my style has changed and I've learned a lot but I think there's still some good things in this poem
Those claiming to be hurt the most
Will not have known my name
Those who weep the heaviest tears
Won’t know the friends they lack
When I am claimed
And my friends live on
Faucet eyed mothers
Gather by a blank stone
Or it may as well be
They did not know my name
It won’t be carved in stones
But will live in left behind friends
It weighs down a ghost
I fail to be
Tethering to the earth
a girl who I am not
Lacking friends sit in trees
Telling stories of us
They use my name often
For they all knew it well
They cry upon soil
To nurse up new life
Skipping rocks on calm waters
And laughing together
And when another of us
Is to slip away
There will be no gathering
By blank stones.
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
I'm Orabella, here with a short review on your lovely poem! For something old, this is amazing! Hopefully I can read works that are newer by you too. (You could try NaPo! (National Poetry Writing Month) If you're interested you should check out NaPo Information; although by all means do not have to. )
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
This poem is about a person who is "unnamed", or at least no one cares to know her name, I think, right? Except her friends, but they won't be remembered either. She won't be remembered by anyone in any funeral, and she won't be remembered by those who never cared or never knew her, but she will be remembered by her friends.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
The lack of periods and the sentences that continue on into multiple lines make it hard to read. A few places I'm not exactly sure where one section ends and one section begins. My suggestion is to try to fix that - maybe by adding periods or commas, or combining the sentences into one line to make it more clear, or something else entirely.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
There's so much meaning to this poem, and I love it so much! Reading through it the first time I didn't catch everything you were saying, but each time I read it it gains more and more meaning and worth, and it gets even more prettier. For example, I thought black stones didn't have any significance; I thought they were simply descriptive language. But they're not. They represent gravestones, yes? Or am I wrong? Oh and the way it ends with them - how no one will be there for when this "unnamed" person dies? You added so much meaning to words that would have sounded normal or insignificant in other contexts, and I think that's so cool.
I also love your description; not only the blank stones, but also "Faucet eyed mothers" is absolutely amazing. I can imagine it vividly in my head, and it fits what you're trying to say so perfectly. And there are so many other examples too, and it makes the poem have a distinct image and feeling in my head.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
At first glance, this poem is really pretty, but when you dive deeper there is so much more meaning and such beauty hidden behind your words that I'm surprised it can fit it all. Sorry if I didn't correctly understand your poem - I'm not the best at interpreting poems, but hopefully I managed to give you something! If you'd like me to take a second look at this, or tell me what you intended the meaning to be, please let me know! I'd love to!
Have an amazing day/night, and keep writing!
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
As soon as I read the first two lines, I was instantly intrigued and knew I had to read this These lines hit me HARD:
Those claiming to be hurt the most
Will not have known my name
Those who weep the heaviest tears
Won’t know the friends they lack
And when another of us
Is to slip away
There will be no gathering
By blank stones.
It won’t be carved in stones
But will live in left behind friends
Lacking friends sit in trees
And when another of us
Is to slip away
Points: 2385
Reviews: 9
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