This is a poem a wrote a while ago but I'm kind of flipping through things seeing if I have anything finished worth publishing. This was at least 6 years ago so my style has changed and I've learned a lot but I think there's still some good things in this poem
Those claiming to be hurt the most
Will not have known my name
Those who weep the heaviest tears
Won’t know the friends they lack
When I am claimed
And my friends live on
Faucet eyed mothers
Gather by a blank stone
Or it may as well be
They did not know my name
It won’t be carved in stones
But will live in left behind friends
It weighs down a ghost
I fail to be
Tethering to the earth
a girl who I am not
Lacking friends sit in trees
Telling stories of us
They use my name often
For they all knew it well
They cry upon soil
To nurse up new life
Skipping rocks on calm waters
And laughing together
And when another of us
Is to slip away
There will be no gathering
By blank stones.
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137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
I'm not sure why it didn't keep my spacing </3 but every 4 lines is a stanza
Sometimes I like to separate my stanzas like this:
stanza one
-
stanza two
-
stanza three
Totally up to you how you want to do it though
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
)
I'm Orabella, here with a short review on your lovely poem! For something old, this is amazing! Hopefully I can read works that are newer by you too. (You could try NaPo! (National Poetry Writing Month) If you're interested you should check out NaPo Information; although by all means do not have to.
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
This poem is about a person who is "unnamed", or at least no one cares to know her name, I think, right? Except her friends, but they won't be remembered either. She won't be remembered by anyone in any funeral, and she won't be remembered by those who never cared or never knew her, but she will be remembered by her friends.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
The lack of periods and the sentences that continue on into multiple lines make it hard to read. A few places I'm not exactly sure where one section ends and one section begins. My suggestion is to try to fix that - maybe by adding periods or commas, or combining the sentences into one line to make it more clear, or something else entirely.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
There's so much meaning to this poem, and I love it so much! Reading through it the first time I didn't catch everything you were saying, but each time I read it it gains more and more meaning and worth, and it gets even more prettier. For example, I thought black stones didn't have any significance; I thought they were simply descriptive language. But they're not. They represent gravestones, yes? Or am I wrong? Oh and the way it ends with them - how no one will be there for when this "unnamed" person dies? You added so much meaning to words that would have sounded normal or insignificant in other contexts, and I think that's so cool.
I also love your description; not only the blank stones, but also "Faucet eyed mothers" is absolutely amazing. I can imagine it vividly in my head, and it fits what you're trying to say so perfectly. And there are so many other examples too, and it makes the poem have a distinct image and feeling in my head.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
At first glance, this poem is really pretty, but when you dive deeper there is so much more meaning and such beauty hidden behind your words that I'm surprised it can fit it all. Sorry if I didn't correctly understand your poem - I'm not the best at interpreting poems, but hopefully I managed to give you something! If you'd like me to take a second look at this, or tell me what you intended the meaning to be, please let me know! I'd love to!
Have an amazing day/night, and keep writing!
Thank you so much for reading! I love hearing different interpretations of my work <3
For most of my life I felt like I never understood what anyone was saying when I read a poem or lyrics lol and honestly I still feel that way most of the time. I really love that art can be interpreted by every person because we all have different experiences behind us.
This poem is about dying as a transgender person, and having your family put a name on your headstone that isn%u2019t yours. My friends know my name and they use it often, we live on in each other
When I was in middle school Leelah Alcorn died by suicide and I was deeply affected. Of course trans people%u2019s lives are taken from us all the time in many ways, but this felt closer, and she was just a few years older than me. I wrote a poem for her then too. It%u2019s been ten years now (which I just realized writing this, wow time flys) but I%u2019ve thought about her every year since then.
Her headstone doesn%u2019t read her name, but the people who knew her and loved her deeply still speak it. It doesn%u2019t live in stone. This fact affected me deeply, at 13 I couldn%u2019t understand how even in death her parents couldn%u2019t tell themselves the truth, give her the dignity of a gravestone with her name on it.
Now, ten years later I%u2019ve made peace with this fact, that we die every day and are disrespected even in death, that the people who don%u2019t want to know us won%u2019t, even if they claim to love us. I%u2019ve seen more of the world, seen more suffering from my community. I realize now we%u2019re all we need. We%u2019re here for each other.
Sorry this rambling was longer than the poem itself haha, but truthfully this is what I was thinking when I wrote this poem. Thank you for reading and showing interest.
I don't mind rambling at all! Thank you for telling me. ^^ I honestly didn't know who Leelah was, as I was only six when she died, but I looked her up and I feel like crying right now. I'm so sorry that happened, but I'm glad you have friends that are there for you. <3
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
As soon as I read the first two lines, I was instantly intrigued and knew I had to read this
Wow! I can interpret this so many ways, I don't even know what to say haha! One way I see this is, those who claim I hurt them most deeply, don't know who I really am. They don't know me and they don't see who I truly am, they only see my flaws and that prevents them from knowing me.
There is so much pain in our world, but there is also enough goodness to dry every tear. To me, this statement says that those who are afflicted are unaware of what is out there to heal them. While we suffer, we often withdraw.
This poem is gorgeous! It captures this lonely, longing feeling. To me, it captures this feeling of wanting to be wanted and wanting to be known for who you are. <33
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
I feel like the second like would flow better if you added the word it between but and will. Just my thoughts though and both work
I am a little confused on this sentence and how it was supposed to flow:
Maybe there should be a comma to separate these two thoughts? Or are they one thought?
And maybe here, saying another one of us? And you could even say slips away instead of is to slip away.
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
The first four lines blew me away. The entire poem was heartfelt, moving, and beautiful! I love how vividly it made me feel and how I was able to connect to the emotions you described through your words. Bravo!!
Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
Beautiful! Hope you post more soon!
Your friend,
-Ellie
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!
Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate your review and I%u2019m glad you enjoyed my work! I posted a reply to another comment explaining some of the meaning of this poem if you%u2019re interested in reading it.
Every interpretation is completely valid and I love hearing what my work bring up in other peoples minds!