intended to be lyrics to a song - based on a nightmare I had about the impending revolution <3
Also: I don’t usually correct people if they have an interpretation of my work that wasn’t intended, but this is important enough that I will not allow the perpetuation of propaganda to go unchecked if I see it.
My greatest fears already happening
to somebody else
I’m scared of war zones and cops
I’m scared of soldiers and bombs
I’m scared that I’m not strong enough do what needs to be done.
She’s in the river and sea
She’s in a black suv
She’s killing babies
And their parents
and she says it’s for me
So I’ll keep buying her guns
Because at least I can feed
And so long as I’m content
Then she won’t point them at me
I’m in the river and sea
I’m in the black suv
I’m in back I’m in the chains
that pull the economy
I’m in the rubble with you
And none of us can breathe
Because they killed you then
So they could come back for me
God bless America
From sea to shrining sea
God bless the blood that’s in my soil
Cause my veins are clean
I have dreams of war
I dream of what I see
In distant countries foreign tongues
But I still hear their screams
They plead to cameras in English
So maybe then we’ll see
You bought the bombs
That killed the girl you know you’ll never meet
You bought the war that dropped the towers
killed the olive trees
You bought your silence
Bought your comfort
And some scary dreams
But it’s real for them
It’ll be real for me
Because this god forsaken country
Only wants our money
The guns are real for them
And they’ll be real for me
And when you’re looking down the barrel
Maybe then you’ll see
We could have fucking done something
Now we all have to bleed
Hi there friend, Ellie here to leave you a review on this piece! Let's get right into this review
This was a wonderful start to the piece! It really caught my attention right from the start. You mention how this was based off of a nightmare and I think that these first two lines capture the feelings really well. I like the idea of these nightmares already existing, because we are witnessing them occur to other people. This really makes me think a lot. What did they do to deserve this and why are they not happening to me instead? What did I do to deserve this peace?
I enjoyed how you go between the them and me statements in this section. I noticed the rhyme you did between the me, country, and money rhymes. The switch between them and me gives me a better sense of the emotions behind this poem as well. You really touch on the uncontrollable reality that so many people in the world experience, even right now and I write this. Overall, this was a great poem and your statement were quite powerful. I encourage you to keep writing and keep sharing your voice.
Your friend,
Ellie
Hi Ellie thanks for the review! I always appreciate feedback on actual line writing as well as ideas.
I do also want to point out that it%u2019s not just our brothers and sisters in other countries experiencing this, we are also experiencing the things that our country is doing to others. And if we allow this elsewhere what%u2019s to stop the violence from following us home?
Thank you for the review and encouragement!
Hi Mint,
This was excellent, well done!
I really loved the short sentences it made it feel fast paced and created a sense of anxiety to get to the next sentence, kinda like if you were at war not just physically but within yourself as well.
The amount of despair, anger and hopelessness could be felt in every word. I feel like this would make an excellent metal song lolz.
I really liked this, it's deep and raw... once again well done.
xxx
I really appreciate this review! First I keep coming back to the comment about it making a good metal song because that is the intention haha! I%u2019ve started and put it down so many times because I don%u2019t think I have the vocal talent to do what I want to do yet.
I also like your comment on the slime writing reading like an internal war. This wasn%u2019t something I intended but I appreciate that the feelings of that come through since war is a theme here. Thanks for the review!
You are welcome!
That's fantastic, keep at it you will get there!
looking forward to reading more of your work xxx
Hello, I'm Ellen!
I was going to leave a review but I think I'd rather just say that this is a raw and beautiful piece that I can tell you put a lot of feeling into. That's not something I feel needs to be reviewed. I think it's good to just pour this into writing- to process, to hold space for these incredibly difficult experiences, and to share these feelings with a creative community like YWS.
I've been feeling a lot of the same things as we watch the genocides happening in Palestine, in the DRC, Sudan, and all over the world. It's so hard to articulate and understand the rage and guilt that come from living somewhere safe (comparatively) while watching your money go to hurting people who are just like you.
I hope you know you aren't alone in that rightful rage, sorrow, and guilt. So many people, including myself, are going through the same upheaval in their lives and relearning how to exist and resist the systemic oppression we suffer under and participate in. Thank you for sharing this with this community- my inbox is always open to chat in- whether to experience this grief together and know we aren't alone, or to just have another online person who's in your corner in this.
Your feelings, your thoughts, your anger is so important. You are seen. You are loved. Keep learning and keep fighting.
Ellen
Hi Ellen, I really appreciate this comment. I think for a lot of us trying to cope, the heaviest emotions oscillate from sorrow to hopelessness to rage. When it gets particularly difficult I try to zone in on the rage because at least that can be productive haha. I find a lot of my writing, especially the poetry, is pretty politic heavy so it%u2019s really nice to know I%u2019m not alone in a space of creatives just trying to get feedback. I%u2019m all about community building so I super appreciate to offer of support! Keep fighting the good fight