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Worlds Collide (Part 3)

by Mea


Amel and Garen fell into step close behind Hermione, effectively shielding the gun from the passerby. They steered her down the busy street, the barrel of the gun never leaving Hermione’s back.

Meanwhile, Hermione’s mind was racing, a million questions burning inside her, but she didn't dare speak. She knew one thing for certain - Garen and Amel were not from the Ministry. They probably weren't even wizards, judging by how they were threatening her with a gun and not a wand.

Her wand. They hadn't taken her wand. Now she was certain they weren't wizards. A Shield Charm couldn't stop a bullet, but it was a large oversight on their part. All she needed was a split second distraction, but she couldn't think how.

A nudge from Amel told her to turn right. Hermione's heart pounded in her chest as they entered a decrepit, out-of-the-way alley. What were they going to do with her?

They rounded a corner into a small lot filled with dumpsters and refuse. It looked even more seedy than the alley, and Hermione couldn't help thinking that this looked like the perfect place to dispose of a body.

Amel split off from Garen and Hermione and started fidgeting with her wristwatch. It looked exactly the same as Garen's, so Hermione assumed it was also a communication device. It gave her no opportuity to escape, though, as Garen's gun was still lodged in her back.

After a minute, Amel was still stabbing at her wrist. "Damn it!" she muttered.

"What's wrong?" Garen asked.

"I can't contact the ship," she said. "It's weird, it's like it's being blocked or something. You try it."

"Here, take the gun," Garen said, holding it out to Amel. In that split second, Hermione seized her chance. She spun around, snatching her wand from her pocket. The gun fired, an earsplitting blast that left Hermione’s ears ringing, but she wasn’t hurt. Someone screamed – was it Garen? Hermione couldn’t tell.

Expelliarmus,” she shouted, barely registering that she couldn’t hear her own voice. The gun flew away from them and landed on a pile of trash near the corner. Hermione shoved past the shocked Amel and ran, pausing only to use a Blasting Curse on the gun, rendering it a pile of scrap metal.

She turned the corner and ran smack into the man from the café. The blonde girl was right behind him, breathing heavily.

“Ah, good, you got away,” he said. “Love it when they do that.”

“Who on earth are you?” gasped Hermione.

Just then, Amel skidded out into the alley, holding another gun and looking furious.

“Time for that later. Run!” the man shouted, grabbing Hermione’s hand and the girl’s. They pelted down the alley as a spray of bullets pinged around them. Hermione’s ears were starting to clear, and she could hear sirens in the distance. Somebody had called the police.

They burst into the street, Amel close behind them, but at least she didn’t dare shoot with people around. They wove through the crowds, Hermione doing her best not to bump into anybody.

“Where are we going?” Hermione yelled.

“Someplace safe,” the strange man responded, dodging a group of tourists.

“Yeah, and how do I know I can trust you?”

“Well, I’m not shooting at you, am I?”

They were passing a large department store. The crowd of shoppers going in and out made it harder than ever to move quickly.

“Come on,” the girl said, and led them into the store. “We can lose her in here.”

They slowed to a fast walk, trying not to look too suspicious. They weaved between the aisles, passing tired-looking mothers pouring over baby formula, teenagers picking out clothes, and children screaming for toys. After a few sharp turns, they couldn’t see Amel anymore, and Hermione realized Garen hadn’t followed them at all. She remembered the scream. Had he been shot when the gun went off?

At last, the man led them to very back of the store, stopping beside a fire exit. He pulled a strange device from his inside coat pocket and pointed it at the alarm system. It was thin and gray, with a blue tip, and made a high-pitched buzzing noise.

"Won't the alarm go off?" Hermione gasped.

“Not anymore,” the man said with a grin. They slipped out the exit into the alley, and paused, Hermione and the blonde girl still breathing heavily.

“I think we’ve lost her,” said the girl. She turned to Hermione. “I’m Rose Tyler. Sorry about back there. We meant to get to you back in Cardiff, before they did, but we didn’t realize they’d move so quickly, and he landed a day late, as usual.”

“Hey,” the man said. “I’m getting better.”

“Anyway, I’m the Doctor,” he said, shaking Hermione’s hand.

“Hermione Weasley,” Hermione said. She thought she saw a flicker of surprise in his eyes, but it was gone so quickly she must have imagined it. “Now will you tell me what’s going on? Where are you taking me?”

“I told you, someplace safe,” the Doctor said. “We’re nearly there now. This way, if you please.”

Hermione followed them. “Okay,” she said, “but who are you supposed to be?”

“Just travelers,” the Doctor said. “We picked up a disturbance in Cardiff, thought we’d investigate, and found you.”

Suddenly, they heard a commotion coming from back up the alley. They spun around to see the door flung open. Amel burst out of it, followed by several security officers.

“Time to go,” the Doctor said, and they took off running again. Hermione would have stayed and fought, but she didn’t like her odds against the guns. Amel must have convinced security they were thieves or something. They rounded a corner. Hermione glanced over her shoulder, aimed, and yelled “Stupify!” She thought she hit someone, but she wasn’t sure.

She looked ahead again to see that they were almost to the main street, but instead of fleeing to the safety of a crowd, the Doctor made for a small, blue box. He unlocked the door.

“In here!” he said to Hermione. He disappeared inside, followed by Rose. Hermione paused, uncertain. Could she really trust them? She had trusted Garen and Amel, and look where that had gotten her.

A quick look behind her revealed that she had no choice. Amel was gaining on them, gun in hand and a wild look in her eyes. Hermione ducked into the box and slammed the door.

Part 4 is here.


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Sun Dec 13, 2015 10:57 pm
Pretzelstick wrote a review...



Heya Mea, sorry that I am so late on this train of finishing reviewing your short series, but at least I'm here now. I will try to finish the 4th part today as well if I will have the time.
Anyways, let's begin shall we? And hopefully I won't repeat anything that the other reviewers have wrote, as I didn't read them yet.

So this was very action-packed, and I have to got that I really like that part about it. It's so cool that we got Doctor Who's first appearance, because who would have guessed that he would just randomly pop into Cardiff ;)

Like the other reviewers, I was quite confused on who shot who, and how there were then somehow two guns?

Hermione glanced over her shoulder, aimed, and yelled


Is this apparently Hermione's gun,and then Amel obviously was having her own gun for self-defense? I don't really understand that situation, because I am a little bit confused by this sentence here.

This time you did a much better job of showing that she didn't completely trust "The Doctor" but that's just probably because she already got jinxed by Amel and Garen. But you also did a great job of showing that she had no other choice but to just go with the doctor, because he wasn't shooting her and stuff.

Her wand. They hadn't taken her wand.


I would think that this wand would be the first thing that she would think about to get or take for comfort and defense. It just kind of seems a bit odd that she realizes this in the middle of them leading her away on the streets. It just doesn't seem really that logical, the Hermione wouldn't notice it, or maybe her first thought should be to grab hold of this and such.\

“I think we’ve lost her,” said the girl. She turned to Hermione. “I’m Rose Tyler.


So here, they are kind of like runaways, but the thing is, that I am surprised that Rose doesn't pause for a moment to kind of catch her breath, or let Hermione catch her breath, or anything of that sort. They just go straight to the introductions, which is a normal thing, but they're in a dire situation here, or at least that what it seems to Hermione. So I would have her pause a bit, before taking the first step of "intros."


Overall, in love with the scene where the Hermione meets the Doctor. The only thing that kind of unsettles me, is that we don't get another reaction from the Doctor than just surprise. I mean, he is meeting The Hermione, and I would think that his reaction would be pleased to meet her, happy to save her, etc., and not just shocked or suprised that this happens. How is he even supposed to be this way if in his travels, he has seen so so many surprsing circumstances and people??

Anyways, that's all for my review. I hope that this helps, and if you have any questions then please let me know down below.

~Pretzel




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Thu Jul 16, 2015 11:37 am
willachilles wrote a review...



So much progression in one part o.o

Hey Will here,

I’m back. Well, when you come back from your holiday you’ll find this review on your work. I know that @Carlito has written a lot about this piece (which was fantastic), but I think I’ll go a little deeper into this review. You know how my reviews are. Right?

So, first things first, the great things about this chapter. Firstly, you followed personalities very well. I know that the characters are still developing (pssht, you did so much of it already), but, for example, this:

“Time for that later. Run!” the man shouted, grabbing Hermione’s hand and the girl’s.


Well, well, well, doesn’t this remind us of something?

Image

I love it when people put famous lines into a fanfic. It’s just…”Fantastic!” See what I did there?

Another example would probably be,

"I can't contact the ship," she said. "It's weird, it's like it's being blocked or something. You try it.”


I don’t know why, but this seems like it perfectly matches with Doctor Who. Like, with the TARDIS blocking out stuff. Didn’t that happen in a few episodes? *realises that’s why she put it in* Derp.

Now, onto part 2, where things get #deep . Also, for some reason, this review was kinda…kinda…kinda…teeny weeny ly…harsh.

Amel and Garen fell into step close behind Hermione…


I’m not sure if this is needed - I’m just adding it because at first it seems like it makes no sense. I think if you would make the break between the two phrases visible, it would help the reader a lot:

Amel and Garen fell into step, close behind Hermione…

…burning inside her, but she didn't dare speak.


I think maybe this sentence should be split into two - for dramatisation reasons. Or you could just put a dash there.

…burning inside her - but she didn't dare speak.
…burning inside her. But she didn't dare speak.


Her wand. They hadn't taken her wand.


I dunno. This seemed a bit harsh on the entry. Just like, “They probably weren't even wizards, judging by how they were threatening her with a gun and not a wand.” And then BAM! The realisation…maybe a little intro?

Then it hit her. Her wand! They hadn’t taken…

Wow, your vocabulary is like…Oxford, girl. Seriously.

Refuse, seedy…I don’t know these words…

…and Hermione couldn't help thinking that this looked like the perfect place to dispose of a body.


Gulp. That’s just plain creepy man.

The gun fired, an earsplitting blast that left Hermione’s ears ringing, but she wasn’t hurt. Someone screamed – was it Garen? Hermione couldn’t tell.


Woah, woah, woah. So Garen gave Amel the gun, then Amel shot at Hermione, but Garen screamed? O.o That’s kinda confusing. If you could clear that up for me…that’d be great.

Hermione shoved past the shocked Amel and ran, pausing only to use a Blasting Curse on the gun, rendering it a pile of scrap metal.


My mind at the moment is just like, “HERMIONE. YOU FORGOT GAREN.” “HERMIONE! WHAT ABOUT GAREN?!” This is what good books are like, peeps.

Just then, Amel skidded out into the alley, holding another gun and looking furious.


Whhhhhaaaaaat? What the- But Amel was shocked! Wouldn’t Garen be there instead of Amel, ‘with another gun’?

They pelted down the alley as a spray of bullets pinged around them.


Just like the movies…just like the movies…

p.s. ‘Pinged’ is also a word I never use :(

Somebody had called the police.


That wasn’t the Doctor, right? It wasn’t right? RIGHT? He never calls police. He could eat the police if he- okay never mind.

…and Hermione realized Garen hadn’t followed them at all. She remembered the scream.


SHE DOES REMEMBER THAT! Wooooooo! *reads on*

“Not anymore,” the man said with a grin.


What? Whaaat? Hermione never asked the Doctor a question…why would he randomly say ‘Not anymore’?

Amel burst out of it, followed by several security officers.


AMEL called the police?! Amel?! Coward. Idiot. She’s the evil chick.

Hermione ducked into the box and slammed the door.


Image
Image
Image

What an ending! BTW, this review was fairly short. There were like…*counts*…3 mistakes that I fixed up. Wow, that’s good. Real good!

I loved this story - there was so much progression, so much more storyline, and…write more pls.

xD

Loved it, and I’ll see you again in…Part 4!

-willachilles




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Thu Jul 09, 2015 8:34 pm
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Carlito wrote a review...



Hello again!! :)

She knew one thing for certain - Garen and Amel were not from the Ministry. They probably weren't even wizards, judging by how they were threatening her with a gun and not a wand.

Took her long enough! :p

All she needed was a split second distraction, but she couldn't think how.

That last part just feels a little unnecessary to me.

A nudge from Amel told her to turn right.

A nudge can't tell you to do something. It can lead you or pull you or move you, etc.

They rounded a corner into a small lot filled with dumpsters and refuse.

Dumpsters and what?

Amel split off from Garen and Hermione and started fidgeting with her wristwatch. It looked exactly the same as Garen's, so Hermione assumed it was also a communication device.

Hm, that second sentence seems a little unnecessary because there's no reason to assume it's not the same as Garen's watch. I feel like Hermione would automatically assume it's the same (so you don't have to mention it) because there's no evidence to suggest it's not the same.
Unless...this is some sort of foreshadowing, by pointing out that she thinks it the same so we can be surprised later when it's a detonation device or something crazy :)
If it's the same as Garen's watch, I would take out the second line (that's the take-home point here as I ramble... :p)

"Here, take the gun," Garen said, holding it out to Amel.

Silly, silly kidnappers... :p

She spun around, snatching her wand from her pocket.

You have two different tenses here. "Spun" is past and "Snatching" is present. I would change "snatching" to "and snatched".

Hermione shoved past the shocked Amel and ran, pausing only to use a Blasting Curse on the gun, rendering it a pile of scrap metal.

Glad she's finally acting like the fierce, battle-savvy witch we know her to be :)
Although I'm a little surprised she didn't do something to Amel and Garen...like stun them or body bind them or something just so they couldn't run after her anytime soon and she would have a chance to get away.

Just then, Amel skidded out into the alley, holding another gun and looking furious.

Well I guess not casting a spell on him allows for more drama :) But back in the day when Hermione was chasing death eaters, she always remembered to incapacitate!

"Yeah, and how do I know I can trust you?”

Glad she's finally getting her sense back! :p

They were passing a large department store.

"were passing" should be "passed"

She remembered his scream.

I thought she wasn't sure who screamed and just assumed it was Garen. Now she seems pretty sure...

“Wait,” Hermione said, “we can’t leave through here. The alarm will go off.”

The man pulled a strange device from his inside coat pocket and pointed it at the alarm system. It was thin and gray, with a blue tip, and made a high-pitched buzzing noise.

“Not anymore,” the man said with a grin. They slipped out the exit into the alley, and paused, Hermione and the blonde girl gasping for breath.

She wasn't gasping for breath when she said 'wait' but she suddenly is now that she walked through a door?
Don't say "gasping for breath" twice, though.


I know absolutely zero about Dr. Who (just a fair warning...)

I think your chapters keep getting better! Nice work! I liked the action in this scene, the descriptions were better, and the plot moved along nicely. I think it's cool that you're combining two fandoms here! (Even though I'm only familiar with the one.)

There were still some places that Hermione seemed out of character. I mentioned most of those above. The only other big thing that seemed out of character or a little weird to me was the end. She questioned the Doctor and if she could trust him and all he says is "well I'm not pointing a gun at you so of course you can trust me!" I find it a little strange that she just goes off with him, not knowing who he is or what he wants, AFTER the horrible encounter she JUST got out of with Amel and Garen (who she ALSO didn't know at all). She's being pretty trusting in my opinion. Think of Hermione in books 5-7. She was much more skeptical and wary and took a lot more precautions. Maybe she's matured through the years or things are different because Voldemort isn't returning to power and death eaters aren't after her because she's a mudblood that's traveling with Harry Potter, but this still feels like a dangerous situation, so I would have thought she'd be more careful.

I still think this is an interesting story. The title is even better to me now because not only are physical worlds colliding (the "regular" HP world and this alternate world) but fandom worlds are colliding. #mindblown :p

Let me know if you'd like me to keep reviewing when you post more! I know zero about Dr. Who and I'm not sure if that'll matter, but keep up the good work!

And let me know if anything I said was confusing or if you have any questions!




Mea says...


Thanks again for the lovely review! You should totally watch Doctor Who. It's amazing.

You're welcome to keep reviewing this, but the story is a bit lopsided in favor of Doctor Who. It's going to delve pretty deeply into the lore of show (which is not exactly straightforward) and involve a lot of spoilers. You'll probably be rather confused. I'll totally understand if you decide to drop it.

I'm glad you like my title. Honestly, I just made it up really quickly when I went to post the first part of this and realized it didn't have a title. XD

I don't know what to do about Hermione being too trusting. You're right that she is, but it's crucial that she goes with the Doctor, and since he's the sort of guy that everyone usually listens to him I didn't think it would be too much of an issue. But maybe it is and I should rethink that.



willachilles says...


As @Meandbooks said, everyone loves the doctor (except for a...few enemies)

[media]blob:https%3A//www.youtube.com/e782c8cb-68ee-4357-a033-4dbb21c52f97[/media]



willachilles says...


I failed. And I'm sorry. I'M SORRY.



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Thu Jul 09, 2015 2:13 am
chancesnchanges wrote a review...



Hi! there Meandbooks :)

Sure there was a Harry Potter feel in here. I didn't quite catch the story because I haven't read the first few parts. But the characters are well established as I have read it.

Technically, it was well-written so I don't have much to say. Just in this sentence though.

It looked even more seedy than the alley, and Hermione

^You can either remove the comma before end or you can change it to a period. Then make use of other conjunctions.

I think, that's it.
Hope to read more from you :)
>Cha




willachilles says...


READ THE FIRST 2 PARTS! YOU HAVE TO!

They are amazing.



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Thu Jul 02, 2015 9:27 pm
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ChocolateCello wrote a review...



Okay! So now that I have time I can give some actual feed back!

So I'm looking over and there are a few minor things (Some actually mistakes, some opinions) that I would like to point out.

"Here, take the gun," Garen said, holding it out to Amel. And in that split second,"
Okay so you really don't need an 'and' here, you can simply say 'In that split second'. Not only does it avoid starting a sentence with 'and' (Although that can be done) but it sounds better. (I think so at least)

"The blond girl was right behind him" The female version of blond is blonde.

"They pelted down the alley" To pelt is to throw something. 'They pelted the tree with rocks'. Not sure if this is a typo or a misunderstanding. (Maybe it can describe running?)

"Hermione and the blond girl gasping for breath." Again, 'blonde'.

Okay, so this review had no proper flow (Sorry!) but I hope it helped!
(By the way, you captured the Doctor's character perfectly!)

-ChocolateCello




Mea says...


Thank you! And yes, "pelting" can refer to both running and throwing.

I actually didn't know there was a difference between blond/blonde. You learn something new every day!





Whoops! Sorry, in 'American english' pelt can't be used that way. You're right, though, it can mean running. :)

(I should get into the habit of editing to British english)



Mea says...


Really? I didn't know that. I'm American, and I've heard it used that way a lot. Guess that's what I get for watching/reading so much British stuff. :P



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Thu Jul 02, 2015 7:59 pm
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erilea says...



AHHHH ITS DOCTOR WHO AND HE KNOWS HARRY POTTER




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Thu Jul 02, 2015 4:38 am
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ChocolateCello says...



Yess! This makes me so happy! Ahhhh!

(There were a few minor grammatical errors in the beginning but I'm kind of in a rush so just look over maybe)

Okay! Well anyways THIS WAS AWESOME!

Let me know when you put part four out!





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— Welcome to Night Vale