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Eos, Chapter 2: Layer 32

by Mea

A/N - Hey guys! This is my LMS novel that I'm in the middle of writing at the moment, but I decided to start posting it from the beginning. Chapter 1 is here: Eos, Chapter 1: New York Enjoy!

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Dameon sat in a chair resembling an airline seat, but much more comfortable. Beneath him, the floor hummed slightly, the only indication they were speeding towards Eos at 150 miles an hour. Once called Toronto, it was now the capital city of Vitas, one of two major countries left in the world.

Across from him, the young woman they had rescued shrunk back in her seat, eating the bread they had given her in quick bites. She refused to meet his eyes. Jade glanced over at them from the tiny kitchen across the cabin of the hoverjet, asking Dameon with a glance if he needed help.

Dameon shook his head just slightly. He leaned forward and winced, his chest well and truly bruised. Maybe his ribs too. “Jade gave you the detoxifier, right?”

The girl nodded.

“Then you won’t have any lingering effects to worry about,” he said. “What’s your name?”

She seemed to have decided to trust them. “Kathy,” she said.

“Well, Kathy,” Dameon said, slipping easily into a speech he’d given dozens, if not hundreds of times by now. “We’re taking you to our country, Vitas. You’ll be safe there. We’re going to show you a video explaining how you got here and how everything works, okay? And after that you can ask as many questions as you want.”

He stood up and fiddled with the holoprojector on the wall, setting it to play the standard welcome video. A moment later, a very familiar face appeared on the screen. The middle-aged black man had hair shorn close like Dameon’s, rather than the afro Sam had always worn. Lines creased his forehead, creating a hardened, cautious visage. He was seated in the Command Office — or, as Dameon thought of it, the throne room.

“Welcome, friend,” the man said in a smooth voice. “Allow me to introduce myself. I am Samuel, president of Vitas, your new home.”

He got to the point quickly, Dameon gave him that — the main video was barely ten minutes long. He moved through the facts clearly and logically: reality was actually made up of 32 unstable layers stacked atop one another. This dimension was the very bottom. Very rarely, objects and people — any distinct cluster of molecules, really — would slip out of their original dimension and fall through the layers.

This was what had happened to Kathy, of course, just like every other person the retrieval teams brought in. The whole reason they existed was to recover these people, called the fallen. They would be taken back to Vitas to assimilate as citizens and begin a new life. Because that was the awful finality of falling: there was no way back to a higher layer. No way home.

Welcome to Layer 32, Dameon thought as he watched Kathy’s eyes widen. The universe’s dumping ground. Anything could fall through. Anything. After a while, it led to catastrophic consequences. There was a reason the population of Layer 32 was less than one billion.

Kathy took it well. She didn’t burst into tears or insist that they were lying, an improvement over the last one they’d brought in the day before. Better than Dameon had reacted on that day three years ago when he had seen the very same video.

As the video was explaining the basic process all newly fallen went through to gain citizenship — the interview questions and other legal necessities — Jade motioned to Dameon to follow her into the hoverjet’s tiny bunkroom, where they could have some small amount of privacy.

Pulse quickening, Dameon closed the door behind them and turned on the light. The hidden gun was a heavy weight against his chest. June, the pilot, either hadn’t noticed the crack of the gunshot or had believed his explanation that the creature had hit its head. But one person was enough to turn him in, and Jade had seen everything. Even his… status wouldn’t protect him. Samuel would be quiet about it, but Dameon would go to jail.

Jade turned to him, hands clasped together. “Let me see it.”

Dameon folded his arms across his chest. “Are you going to turn me in?”

“Let me see the gun,” Jade said, voice rising. “I’m not going to shoot you with it.”

They locked eyes for a moment. Dameon couldn’t tell what he saw in Jade’s blue eyes. Neither he nor Jade had ever made secret their distrust of Eos’ government. It was one of the things that had drawn him to her. But there was something there, an intensity that unsettled Dameon.

She won the staring contest. Dameon ripped open his leather jacket and handed her the gun, checking out of habit to make sure the safety was on.

Jade turned it over, running her hands down the barrel and along the sides. She nodded to herself as if confirming something she suspected. “You got it from Gludd, right? Short, balding, scary?”

“Yeah,” said Dameon, blinking in surprise. “Yeah, I did, or at least, that was the name he gave me. But how — “

Jade waved her hand dismissively. “You can’t go three feet in the underground without running into Gludd.” She eased the gun back into Dameon’s hands. Without taking his eyes off Jade, Dameon let the gun disappear back underneath his jacket. His mind was racing ahead. If Jade spoke of Gludd like that, she was far more familiar with the black market than he. Did that mean he was safe?

“So.” Jade swung herself up to the top cloth bunk and settled down to listen. “Explain. Why the gun?”

“I only brought it because this is New York. You can’t argue that it didn’t come in handy.” At the memory of the crack that split the air and saved his life, a lingering satisfaction rose again in Dameon. He had debated for hours on whether or not to bring it.

Jade frowned down at him. “You know I was asking why you bought it in the first place.”

Dameon shrugged, not meeting her eyes. “Because I could.”

“So you sought out an illegal weapon at the risk of live imprisonment just because you could.”

“Okay, then because I was FBI. I’ll always feel safer with a gun on me.” True, to a point.

“Uh-huh.” Jade slid off the bunk and landed on the floor lightly, inches away from him. She leaned in, stretching on her toes to whisper in Dameon’s ear. “I think your first answer was more honest.”

Her proximity dizzied Dameon in that second before she drew away. Too close. She was too close to an uncomfortable truth. Still only a foot apart from her, Dameon did his best to glance off to the side while his face burned.

“Like I said, more honest,” Jade breathed. She smiled. “You have no idea how much I’ve been hoping for this.”

Hoping for what? Dameon almost asked, but she raised a finger to stop him.

“I won’t say anything else now, but when we get back, I have something to show you. Tonight, at the park, eight p.m., okay?”

“Sure,” Dameon said in a flat tone, torn between annoyance and curiosity. He had never known Jade to act so deliberately mysterious. “Let me guess, you swore an oath to secrecy.”

She laughed. “No. But it’s better shown then told. I’m not any good at explaining it.”

“So that justifies leaving me completely in the dark?”

“Of course,” she teased. “It’s only a few hours.” With a finality, she slipped past Dameon to the door of the tiny room in one fluid motion; only when she was turning the door handle did she pause.

“Oh, and if you’re worrying about whether I’ll turn you in,” she said, and only now did she look up at Dameon, still smiling, “I wouldn’t let it keep you up at night.”

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
Blues
Review
Blues wrote a review · Mon Aug 06, 2018 9:47 pm

200th review!

This is my LMS novel


OKAY PHEW I was worried I'd just reviewed something too old!

anyway let's get going I'm very excited to read

First read-through
Once called Toronto, it was now the capital city of Vitas,

ooooooo

She seemed to have decided to trust them. “Kathy,” she said.

Did you change June's name?

rather than the afro Sam had always worn.

Wait, have you changed the first chapter? Who's Sam?

Okay I really like the intro to the whole 32 layers thing -- I'm really intrigued!

Because that was the awful finality of falling: there was no way back to a higher layer. No way home.

This sounds like hell. Do people get nightmares over the video? Because I totally would.

Kathy took it well. She didn’t burst into tears or insist that they were lying, an improvement over the last one they’d brought in the day before.

Okay, I get it now -- Kathy isn't June. But I'd definitely mention this earlier.

I'd change that to 'Kathy was taking it well' - because I'd assumed that she'd finished.

June is the pilot? When did this happen? I've definitely missed something I think...

The Underground? I'm getting more intrigued.

If Jade spoke of Gludd like that, she was far more familiar with the black market than he. Did that mean he was safe?

I thought they were best friends. How does he not know? Or at least, why isn't he more surprised/excited that he's just found out this secret?

Too close. She was too close to an uncomfortable truth. Still only a foot apart from her, Dameon did his best to glance off to the side while his face burned.

You're gonna be teasing us with this for the next 9 chapters, aren't you?

Also, it's really refreshing to have the guy be crushing so hard like this. I feel like I only ever end up reading stuff where she's crushing on him for ages.

“Like I said, more honest,” Jade breathed.

Is she breathing on him? I feel like he should be noticing more details if he's getting that dizzy. What's her smile like? Surely he can smell her perfume or something? Is the heat radiating from her face or something? I can see what they're doing but I feel like it's lacking a little colour right now.

“Oh, and if you’re worrying about whether I’ll turn you in,” she said, and only now did she look up at Dameon, still smiling, “I wouldn’t let it keep you up at night.”

Okay normally I find it annoying when people say stuff like this in movies because it's normally melodramatic -- but this here, she is definitely flirting and she knows what she is doing and WHY IS SHE TEASING HIM LIKE THIS THE TENSION

Comments

Okay, clearly I'm getting a bit more attached to the characters here, which is a very good sign! Now thinking back to the first chapter I'm wondering if it's worth making this the first introduction to the fact that Dameon also really likes her instead? Your call, but I feel like this could be a better introduction...

I do kind of feel like the scene could do with a bit more sensory details, with all the senses heightened with her being around. The characters are all doing things but I feel like we should be hearing more about the way his spine tingles when she whispers in his ear? That really helps build up the tension. What about

She seemed to have decided to trust them. “Kathy,” she said.

There were a few instances like this, where it probably would've been much more effective to show what she did to display that she trusted them? It doesn't quite feel like he's almost thinking, so it falls a bit flat, telling like this. Does she pause for a moment before? What about the expression on her face? If Dameon's meant to be a bit clueless to how people are feeling (but as it's in 3rd person this won't influence the narrator nearly as much as first person imo), he can still see her reaction even if he doesn't know what that means.

I'm enjoying everything so far plot-wise and stuff though hehehehe. I really want to know more about how this 32 layers thing works too - I'm really keen to find out!


~Blues

OKAY so thank you so much for these reviews because they were super helpful (particularly because you were the only one so far who's really had the confusion problems, but 1/4 is still too many). The pacing suggestions showing suggestions are also super great. :D

So yes, this is my LMS novel and I'm super happy you came to it through Writer's Corner. xD What basically happened is back in February, I posted the first chapter, got reviews, and then kept writing, but neglected to post further chapters. Then LMS started and I decided I wanted to be in it as a rogue, but I'm now 40k into the story and was feeling left out not posting chapters, so I decided to go back and start posting again. xD So this writing is several months old, but it's still the draft I'm currently on.

Also I just want to apologize about the tension between Dameon and Jade because I've never written romance before and totally made it way too obvious here and then have sort of kind of accidentally dropped that plot thread later on but but it will definitely be there and be better in future drafts because everyone ships them and I do too.

Thank you again!

No worries, happy to help! Aaaah that makes way more sense :P I actually read the other reviews after I was done and realised I'd seen it completely differently to everyone else, oops :')

Bahahaha I know that feeling! The story I'm writing has a massive romantic element and I have no idea how that happened? But yes I want to see this new thread I'm so down

User avatar
ExOmelas
Review

Heyo, I'm kinda tired but don't really want to go to bed yet, and this chapter seems shorter, so I think I might squeeze in a review.

Nit-picks:

Jade turned to him, hands clasped together. “Let me see it.”

Dameon folded his arms across his chest. “Are you going to turn me in?”

Wait, isn't Kathy in the same room? And June quite close by? That seems like an unreasonable request.

Jade frowned down at him. “You know I was asking why you bought it in the first place.”

I think this "You know" is quite out of place.

Overall:

Couple of random things that aren't nit-picks first. One, lol @ Gludd. Funny name, funny sentences about the man. Two, the conversation about showing not telling at the end is so a writer justifying lack of worldbuilding :P

Speaking of worldbuilding, this was basically perfect in terms of exposition, and I see that's already been discussed below, so I won't go into too much detail. There's just one question I have, which is: what kinds of things exactly fall through? It sounds a bit vague that random things fell down and chaos happened, maybe a bit of a cop-out? Just a couple of examples would have been satisfying.

I also want to mention that Dameon's attraction to Jade was way more subtle this time. Well, not subtle, I guess. Actually he's lucky she didn't notice. But it was smoother, seemed more human, not as douchey.

There is also the danger that I'm actually not the best judge of worldbuilding since I saw you plan so much. For example the thing with "Sam" and "Samuel". I'd be willing to bet someone thought those names were too similar for different characters whereas I'm pretty sure I remember they're equivalents in different dimensions and Sam was maybe even Dameon's brother or something? If nobody said that, I bet they thought it for a second :P

Oh, lastly, I feel like it would have been worth mentioning here why they're not allowed guns. I'm all for gun restriction, but they have some sort of weapon, so why are guns banned specifically? As far as I can tell the guns are like phasers in star trek and are capable of killing? Dameon seemed to be hoping to kill the mutant if he hit it with high enough power, so it can't be that they're more lethal. I'm a bit confused there, and given that the plot is advancing into an established black market, it seems interesting enough that it's not only interesting because it's a mystery, and would stay interesting even after we were clear on what's going on.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)

Thank you, as always! :D I'm particularly glad the balance of exposition worked here.

To clarify - they were in the bunkroom, not the cockpit, and it's really small but offers some privacy. Also, re: the guns - the weapons they have are stun guns, period. They really can't kill a human unless you do some serious rewiring (or hacking ;)). But they *can* be lethal for smaller creatures in the same way an electric shock might kill a mouse but not a human, and Dameon was hoping they'd be strong enough to kill the mutant dog, but the dog was too big. Hope that makes sense!

Ahhhhh okay, that makes sense as to the difference between humans and the dog. The ban then pretty much also makes sense, on the assumption it's just a not-killing-people thing. Though now that I think about it that sounds remarkably civilised for so chaotic a dimension. I'm sure all will become clear though :)

Okay, now I'm actually going to bed.

User avatar
Panikos
Review
Panikos wrote a review · Sun Jul 08, 2018 9:10 am

Hiya, Mea! Sorry it's taken me a few days to get to this. What with the tide of LMS chapters rolling in, it's hard to know where to go first, but I'm super happy that you decided to continue publishing this at last.

Small Comments

Dameon sat in a chair resembling an airline seat, but much more comfortable.


Picky picky point, but I think there's some grammatical mismatch here. 'Comfortable' is supposed to refer back to and describe the chair, but the sentence structure suggests it describes Dameon, so it's a bit weird to read. Something like 'Dameon sat in a chair which resembled an airline seat, but was much more comfortable' would clear up the ambiguity.

A moment later, a very familiar face appeared on the screen. The middle-aged black man had hair shorn close like Dameon’s


Another small thing, but your use of 'the' bothers me here - it's too definite for the description given. If you said 'the president' it would be fine, because there's only one of them in a given context. But I'm sure there's plenty of middle-aged black men with shorn hair, so using 'the' just feels oddly specific. You could have something like this:

A moment later, a familiar face appeared on the screen - a middle-aged black man with hair shorn close like Dameon's

There's plenty of ways to restructure the sentence, though, so I'll leave it up to you.

“Allow me to introduce myself. I am Samuel, president of Vitas, your new home.”


Interesting that the president introduces himself using only his first name. It makes me distrustful, actually. Feels like synthetic friendliness.

Kathy took it well. She didn’t burst into tears or insist that they were lying, an improvement over the last one they’d brought in the day before. Better than Dameon had reacted on that day three years ago when he had seen the very same video.


This is a nice, effective way to weave in a bit of backstory on Damien. You could probably fiddle with the wording of the last sentence to make it less wordy, though.

She nodded to herself as if confirming something she suspected.


Don't really need that bit.

“Oh, and if you’re worrying about whether I’ll turn you in,” she said, and only now did she look up at Dameon, still smiling, “I wouldn’t let it keep you up at night.”


I love Jade throughout this chapter, but I don't feel like this last line of dialogue has quite as much punch as it could. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe because she brings the conversation back around to the matter of turning Dameon in. If he asked her whether she was going to turn him in, and her response was to tell him not to let it keep him up at night, it might feel a little smoother. But I'm not certain about that, so I'll leave it up to your judgement.

Overall Thoughts

1) Another good chapter that leads well from the first. It's less dramatic, but that was inevitable after a dog-chase, and I think you handle the aftermath well. I like that we get to see more of Dameon and Jade interacting; their scene at the end is definitely the highlight. I'm getting quite suspicious of Jade, actually. Even though it's good for Dameon that she isn't going to rat him out, I can't help worrying that he's getting himself into something that he won't be able to get out of. She has leverage against him now, after all.

2) I think you cope with the exposition really well. It's quite a complicated premise, so you do brilliantly to explain it so concisely - like Carlito mentioned, this chapter could've easily become an info-dump. I think a cold reader would be able to follow your explanation without trouble. I can only speculate on that, though, given that I've known about the premise of Multiplicity for some time now.

3) Given where the previous chapter left off, it might be worth alluding to the gun at some point in the first half of this one. I know Dameon's concentrating on Kathy, as he should, but it feels like he's forgotten about the matter until Jade takes him into the bunkroom. You could just show him thinking about it right at the beginning, then forcing it from his mind when he has to deal with Kathy. Just to create the sense that the problem is still weighing on him.

4) I'm curious as to why Dameon really bought the gun. This is definitely one of those stories where I hunger for backstory - especially given that every character must've had another life before they fell through to 32 - but I'm glad you're keeping it shrouded in mystery. I'm more than happy to be strung along for a while.

5) Feel free to disregard the suggestion, but does Jade have to (more or less) tell Dameon that she's not going to report him? I just wonder if it takes away some of the suspense. His relationship with Jade would feel more precarious if we were more uncertain about what she might do.

That's all for this one! Let me know when you post the next bit. Hopefully there won't be quite as long a wait this time? :P

Keep writing! :D
~Pan

Thanks so much as always. <3 And don't worry, I'm planning on posting these once a week like the other LMS participants, so you'll be getting the next part tomorrow probably. :)

User avatar
Elinor
Review
Elinor wrote a review · Wed Jul 04, 2018 5:44 pm

Hey Mea!

Happy LMS! Here is your review, as promised.

After reading through your first chapter and now this, what I like the most about your story so far is the interactions between all of your characters. Dystopian science fiction is also my favorite genre, so this should be something that's right up my alley.

Visually, I like how everything is described. It makes for an interesting mental image, sort of like an apocalyptic Star Trek. I also like how you're introducing us into the world so far, though I'm a little confused as to how exactly the layers are supposed to work, but I'm sure this will play a larger role in the story going forward.

I'm not really sure if there's a clear protagonist at this point, or if it's going to be equally split between the team. Is it supposed to be Katy or Kathy? She's referred to by both a couple of times throughout the chapter.

I also noticed a few typos here and there, so just make sure you proofread before you post. I know I always forget myself. Otherwise, everything was really strong. I'd like to have more of a sense of how the characters are motivated, but I like where everything is leading so far.

Best of luck with writing this, and feel free to give me a shout if you have any questions! Hopeully I could be of some help!

- Elinor

User avatar
Carlito
Review
Carlito wrote a review · Tue Jul 03, 2018 4:40 pm

Mea, Mea. I loved this chapter too!!

I was a little worried at first that this chapter was going to be an info-dump about the world and how the layers work once the video started. But I thought you did a nice job balancing giving enough world details for the reader to understand what's going on here, but not so many that I'm bored or confused. I also liked that it's mentioned that Dameon saw the same video three years ago and now here he is helping people. It gives a nice context for how long this has been going on, and it's also nice for the character because now I want to know more about his life before and after he fell to this layer and if his job now is almost like "well this is as close to what I was doing before as I can get/this is as good as it's going to get" and he's not very happy. Him having an illegal gun could be his way of spicing up his life/career.

I'm glad that the chapter advanced in more ways than just telling Katy/Kathy (the name changes) about the world and that we had that little moment with Dameon and Jade.

I loved when Jade asked to talk to him, it almost comes off as they're going to go off and make out or something because they can finally be alone (and to me it feels like this is what Dameon wants or thinks is going to happen but maybe I'm reading too much into it :p). I liked that we got to see more of how they interact and that Jade is a badass who calls him out and plays coy about whether she's going to turn him in and then has her own secret to share. I love secrets!

The only thing I'd maybe like to see is more processing with Katy/Kathy after she sees the video? Maybe this will happen in the next chapter, but after she learns about her fate it's mentioned that she takes it well, but I think I want more of her reaction or more from Dameon or Jade reassuring her or something. Even if Katy/Kathy isn't going to matter much in the grand scheme of things, it would help with Dameon and Jade's development and perhaps enlighten the reader a little more about the world.

Overall though, another intriguing chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more!! This world is so cool and I'm pumped about it. Let me know if you have any questions or if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention! :D

If I'm honest, I really love this chapter too because of how darn flirty Jade is. It is so her personality and it makes me laugh every time

Oops on the Katy/Kathy thing lol. Looking back, I also just realized that I've called the country Vitas here, with the capital being Eos, when I've actually now decided to just have both the country and the capital be Eos. So if you see it like that later, hopefully you won't be too confused. xD

Thanks so much for the review! <3



All the turtles are related.
— Jack Hanna