Dameon turned away. “Why did you bring him here?” he demanded of Gregory. “Sir.”
“D7 — ” Dan began.
“Don’t call me that,” Dameon snapped.
“Since you haven’t picked a new name — “
“My name is Dameon,” he insisted.
“Dameon,” Dan relented, and that’s how Dameon knew he was serious. “We need to talk.”
Dameon kept his eyes on Gregory, pointedly not looking at Dan.
“I’m sorry, son,” Gregory said. “I would have told him no, but… Please, just hear him out.”
Dameon finally looked at his dupe. You never quite got used to it, looking into your dupes’ eyes. You noticed the obvious differences first, of course— hairstyle, scars, clothing. Then the quirks, the same way you raised an eyebrow, the same way you rocked back on the balls of your feet when anxious. Then more differences, the important ones. The micro expressions. The veiled look in his eyes that should be perfectly familiar but just isn't — not quite. Like watching yourself on video, but worse. Instead of your past self, an entirely different person who had stolen your body and now called it his own.
Not everyone had that reaction. But enough that housing jurisdictions made sure that fallen who were dupes of Vitas citizens were housed in a different sector to their counterparts. Even that was rare, and it was nearly unheard of for multiple dupes of the same person to fall through.
Dameon and his brother Sam were exceptions to that rule. Unfortunately.
“Dameon, I was sent on behalf of President Samuel and the rest of the council to revisit our offer.”
“President Samuel gave me the pitch three years ago. I told him to go to hell. What makes you think my answer is going to be any different this time?”
“We have a mission in mind for you.”
“Find someone else.” Dameon turned back to the shooting range.
“Dameon,” Dan said, grabbing his shoulder. “I get it. I do. I wanted to leave you alone. But we need the best for this mission. We need someone we can trust completely.”
“And you think that’s me?” Dameon gave a sharp bark of a laugh. “You don’t know me. None of you know me.”
“You and I both know that any Dameon, once he’s sworn his service, would never break his word.”
Dameon felt a pang of sorrow. That was what he had thought once, too. “That’s where you’re wrong. I walked out of the FBI. At least three of me did.”
“The FBI used you,” Dan said flatly. “They promised you you were serving America, but they lied. Dameon, when I tell you that the future of Vitas will depend on the work we’re asking you to do, I swear to you I believe it.”
His fingers tightened on Dameon’s shoulder.
Dameon raised his stunner and fired into a tiny gap between two targets, hitting the very back target dead on. “Start talking.” He didn’t stop shooting as Dan began.
“Two weeks ago, a rescue team responded to a fallen in southern Texas. About a three-hour flight. A team was in, so they left right away, but when got there, the fallen was gone.”
“So? Some of them run the moment they land.” Dameon scanned the targets. Eight out of twelve, one collateral damage. Not good. He waited for the red on the targets to fade. This time he would go for disabling shots.
“They tracked the omicron readings. He was already fifteen miles away, being driven in a modified Jeep. We ordered them to get a closer look. The others were Eos citizens. Dominic was with them.”
“That Dominic?” Dameon set the stunner down halfway through his round and turned. He folded his arms in defiance, but he was curious. Nobody knew much about the split five years ago where S31, who had been Samuel’s second-in-command, had been exiled, along with D18 — Dominic —and a small band of supporters. It had happened before Dameon had fallen.
“Where was Soran?” Dameon asked, using S31’s chosen name.
“Not with them.”
“So, they split up. Dominic’s out there with his group, and they found a fallen. So what? If a fallen doesn’t want to come with us, they don’t have to. Did they land and talk to him?”
“We told the rescue team not to try,” Gregory said. “We called them back and sent a more… stealthy team to poke around.”
Dameon snorted. “You’re making a mountain out of nothing.”
“We wish,” Dan frowned. “Word on the ground is they have a whole compound just south of Texas. With pre-collapse tech, all working. And they’ve been recruiting over the past year or two.”
“This wasn’t the only instance they collected a fallen,”Gregory added. “We’ve always had a few cases, usually around that area, where the team would arrive, but no fallen was there and the omicrons had dispersed enough to make them undetectable with the equipment in the hoverjets. Between the time it took the team to arrive, especially if they can’t respond right away, and how some fallen start walking as soon as they fall through — we thought it was nothing. Now, we aren’t so sure.”
“Either way, they’ve stepped it up now, Dameon. Since the first instance two weeks ago, two more teams have seen them. In one case, they arrived at about the same time as our search-and-rescue team. We got the fallen, but shots were fired.”
Dameon shook his head. “I’d have heard about it.”
“We asked the teams to keep it quiet,” Gregory said. He looked faintly surprised. “In truth, I didn’t really trust them to hide it from the other teams, just the public.”
He fell silent, and the silence rose like a wall between them. Dameon knew what was coming next, but he waited anyway. He owed it to Dan to finish hearing him out.
“We need you to lead a team to the area and find out everything you can about what Soran is doing. Depending on what you find, we may need you to… take action. Please, Dameon.”
The concern in Dan’s voice almost swayed Dameon. Dan believed. He really believed. Then Samuel’s smug face swam into Dameon’s mind. Then the echo of a single gunshot, reverberating out of the past. No. Dan had been taken in by Samuel, just like all of the others. He may have experience leading an army, but he hadn’t seen firsthand how power ate away at a person and left him a rotting husk.
“No,” Dameon said, getting angry now. “I’m not joining the service so Samuel can make sure a couple of us who had the gall to disagree with him can’t build their own life hundreds of miles away from Vitas. If they want to compete with us for recruiting fallen, let them. You can’t seriously consider them a threat.”
Dan stiffened. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You weren’t here. You never knew Soran.”
He didn’t. Dameon didn’t care. “If he scares you so much, then bomb him and his whole band to hell. You don’t need me to sneak around and spy for you.”
Dan stepped closer to him. Their faces were inches apart, and the anger in those brown eyes was enough to make Dameon’s heart skip a beat. “That’s your final answer? You’d rather tell us to kill dozens, maybe hundreds of innocents in a bombing run than help us figure out what’s going on down there?”
No. I don’t want them to die. I just don’t believe a word you say. Dameon said nothing aloud. He turned his back to Dan and Gregory, picked up the stunner, and shot twelve times for twelve targets. Exactly the same — eight out of twelve. Behind him, he heard Dan leave the room with a huff of disgust.
Gregory remained. “Dameon,” he said in a quiet voice, “I want to respect your decision. You’ve been hurt, and frankly, there’s no point in asking you if you’re unable to do the job. But ask yourself why. I know you’ve never seen a counselor about it — “
“I don’t need therapy,” Dameon growled. “I want to live my life, Gregory. Doing some good, like bringing fallen in. But on my own call. No one else’s.”
Gregory nodded. He took up a position in the lane next to Dameon’s, sighted with his own stunner, and fired. Dameon knew by his easy posture that Gregory had accepted Dameon’s choice. Dameon let out a long, slow breath, a silent release of tension and gratitude.
He waited for Gregory’s signal, and they fired the next round together.
End of chapter
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Hahahaha look how grossly behind I am. I'm about to get caught up though! Sorry for the delay! And good thing I'm taking notes about what happens in each segment or I would be lost :p
And I also like that there was a hint of past trauma with Dameon. I want to know everything about that too! (you know how I feel about a dramatic/sad/traumatic/tragic backstory :p) But, it struck me as a little odd that he didn't feel at least some level of alarm. He knows that Soran broke off for a reason and there's evidence that Soran has some pretty capable technology. I'm sure the fear for Gregory and other high-ups is that Soran is planning some kind of attack, especially if he's actively trying to recruit new arrivals. Does Dameon really not consider that? But I also get that if he's a traumatized individual he's going to want absolutely zero part in this no matter what.

So starting at the top. Not everyone has dupes and when a dupe is discovered everyone has to change their name to prevent confusion or they're referred to as a letter/number? Does anyone question the dupe situation? I'm sure much more will be revealed later about the how and why of dupes, but what do these people think of all of these identical people roaming around? I'm glad we get some of Dameon's thoughts on the matter, but what about society as a whole?
Once the conversation starts about the mission is starts to feel a little talking heads to me. I wasn't sure if it was Gregory talking or the dupe talking. Dupes can talk, right? I would assume they can because they're essentially clones. Maybe a few more dialogue tags to clarify who Dameon is talking to and then maybe add in a few notes here and there about what the third person is doing while the other two are talking (if this is an A, B conversation that is)
This extra group element is intriguing to me. You always do a nice job of creating these intricate layered plots. I just assumed the main plot line would be figuring out what the deal with the layers is and why people fall through and how to fix it. (and a love story because you know me :p) It feels a little Uglies to me in a way - with the Smoke being the parallel to this rival group. I'm glad you kept the explanation about the rift brief because it was just enough to pique my interest and want to know EVERYTHING.
I also liked that Dameon's initial reaction was like meh, this is probably no big deal. No unnecessary melodrama here
Overall, way to add in a new layer of conflict!! Can't wait to see where this goes next! Let me know if you have any questions or if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention!
Hey! Sorry, I forgot to reply to this lol. Thanks so much for the review! You make lots of good points always.
Oh, and one thing about the dupes - very, very few people have even one dupe, and so no, they don't usually bother changing their names. The Dameons and Samuels are special. For reasons that will be explained... eventually.
Hi Mea, I'm between ideas for where to take my own story so I'm just hiding from it and reading other peoples' instead
Nit-picks:
Just a typo - missing "they" between "when" and "got".
Overall:
Another very solid chapter. I was going to comment on the fact that it seems vague why the other people taking fallen shouldn't do so, but I've got the general idea of some sort of war or fight, so that's enough jeopardy to get going with.
I think the main thing I want to talk about is setting. It was ages before it was even revealed they were in a shooting range, which could have made the opening argument really tense. They're antagonising a man with a gun in his hand!
Character is done really well here, even for a story that by its very nature is going to have characters with ridiculously similar names for me to mix up. I particularly liked the difference between Dan and Gregory at the end - maybe it's more of a touchy subject for Dan because he's frustrated that he can't figure out how to get through to someone who is basically himself.
I think one piece of character clarification that would be good is whether Sam and Samuel are the same person. I could see someone falling a long time ago and building up power in that time, but the president is consistently referred to as Samuel, and his brother is mentioned as Sam. Then again that's nowhere near as different as Dameon and Dan and Dominic or Sam and Soran, hence the reason I ask this question.
Technically there's not exactly plot advancement here, since he doesn't take the mission, but I get the feeling that the introduction of this jeopardy is going to be a huge driving force in the story, so I'm eager to read more.
Hope this helps,
Biscuits
Thank you as always! I'm really glad the characters are working because they're definitely the most tricky part. One of the biggest things I've been worried about is whether this idea is totally not viable because there's so many different characters with similar histories and names, so I'm glad it's mostly working.

Sam and Samuel, to clarify, are not the same person. The reason the names are so similar while the others are different is that President Samuel is from Layer 32, and so he keeps his own name while the others choose different names when they fall through to reduce confusion. (Dameon refused to do this. Also the original Dameon is dead.) Sam is Dameon's biological brother from the same layer as him, and like all the others, his full name is Samuel, but he goes by Sam. Since he hasn't fallen through, he hasn't changed his name.
And re: the setting description - you skipped a chapter part. xD Chapter 2.2 leads into this scene and describes the shooting range, and to be fair it's mostly a lot of filler so you probably didn't miss much.
Thanks again! <3
Wait oops I didn't see that chapter :O omg I can't believe I did that!
Ohhhh okay for some reason I assumed Dan was the original, but the dialogue makes more sense now. I'm now curious as to why this version of Dameon is particularly obstinate, since the other parallel versions of him have agreed to change their names...
I'm going to go review the chapter I missed right now!
Hiya, Mea. It's your favourite snail reviewer who meant to catch up with this story on Review Day but was too busy moping around with a hangover, so here I am a day later.
Small Comments
There's something about the 'of Gregory' bit that I don't like - it almost sounds too formal. Would it be better to change the first sentence to 'Dameon turned back to Gregory' and then deliver the dialogue? Then it would still be obvious who he was addressing.
I guess given that Dameon has multiple dupes, it's not too bad to have the apostrophe at the end. However, given that we're just dealing with one specific dupe in this scene, I feel like 'dupe's eyes' might be more appropriate.
Hang on, is the president Dameon's brother? Looking back at the second chapter, I see that it was hinted that the president was a dupe of someone Dameon knew, but it feels odd that a detail like that should pass me by. I'd have expected Dameon to have a more noticeable reaction to seeing the president's face on the video, though I suppose he might have got used to it.
This is completely up to you, but I think you could get away with deleting that sentence. It would give the dialogue slightly more subtext.
I love the comparison of silence to a wall, but it makes the 'he fell silent' bit redundant. It's kind of like you're saying 'he was silent and so there was silence' - a bit obvious. You could probably scrap the first three words and just leave the simile.
I like the sentiment of the sentence, but it's rather long, which makes it hard to interpret on a first read through and robs it of impact. I'm not sure how I'd condense it, but try and cut it down as much as you can. Maybe it can be split into two sentences.
Overall Thoughts
1) This was definitely a much more interesting chapter than the last. It feels like we're getting more into the main plot and starting to touch, however briefly, on key backstory. There's a lot of names and new information to wrap our heads round in this instalment, but you deliver it clearly, making it easy to follow without pandering obviously to the reader. I'm wondering if this compound south of Texas really is bad news or not - because Dameon is so mistrustful of the Eos authorities, I can't predict who the real antagonist is going to be, which is good.
I'm kind of expecting that Dameon, despite his protests, is going to accept the mission - but I can't think what would cause him to. Unless the thing Jade wants to show him has something to do with it...
2) Dameon's character comes through more strongly in this chapter. We see his stubbornness and his principles, and while he's not the sort of character that's usually my favourite, I'm glad to see the beginnings of his personality taking shape. I'm particularly interested in the grudge he has towards his brother. Or is it his brother's dupe that he has the problem with? I'm not sure. Speaking of Samuel, I'm really keen to know why he and Dameon have so many fallen dupes compared to most people. Is that going to be explained?
3) I'm surprised you didn't describe Dan more specifically. You mention that Dameon looks into his eyes, but then launch into a more general exploration of what dupes look like, never actually dwelling on how Dan himself looks different. It'd be good if you were able to work in more description; you could use it to characterise Dan, and by contrasting his appearance to Dameon's you could build up a picture of both of them.
4) The chapter is rather dialogue heavy, which is fine given the point of the scene, but it did feel a little like we were in a white room at times. The only thing you consistently allude to outside of the dialogue is the targets, so I didn't always have a clear idea of where the characters were. That said, my confusion may stem from the fact that this is only part of a chapter, so your description of the room in 2.2 has probably faded from my mind.
That's all for today! I'll try and get to the next part soon.
Keep writing!
~Pan
Yes, the president is one of the dupes of Dameon's brother, though not his actual brother. I would have had him have more of a reaction, but he has gotten used to it at this point even if he doesn't like it. Either way, I'll try to make that clearer - I know this is a complicated premise.
And there's actually a fairly simple explanation for why versions of Dameon and his brother fall through more often, but I don't know when the story will get to it, since Dameon isn't much interested in the science of these things and this book isn't going to be the one that focuses on why people fall through and stuff.
Thanks as always for the review; this one was really helpful!