z

Young Writers Society



Teenage Torment

by MattJF


Teenage Torment

It was the first day of my springtime.
It felt like winter, a thousand frozen smiles.

I looked for rainbows in the moonlight.
But the moonlight blinds naive eyes.

There’s a danger in hungry eyes.
I’m a nightmare disguised in happy lies.

There were cracks in my window.
All the seeds that I would forget to sow.

And then I saw you today ,
With that same look upon your face.

And all the pictures I forgot to show,
Fell like coals among the blood red snow.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



Random avatar

Points: 5635
Reviews: 38

Donate
Wed Mar 10, 2010 8:21 pm
MattJF says...



Thankyou for your comments they were amazing and for taking the time for comment on my work. Like I said to the previous comments I'll keep on writing as long as people like you guys like my work so thanks for letting me carry on writing!




User avatar


Points: 1636
Reviews: 1

Donate
Wed Mar 10, 2010 9:44 am
jerichofiction says...



Loved it,bro. So relative<3. Keep writing man,you're great.




User avatar
24 Reviews


Points: 5732
Reviews: 24

Donate
Wed Mar 10, 2010 9:38 am
BeKWithaK wrote a review...



This is the first poem I've ever read that I actually liked.
I don't read poetry, no offence intended, because a) I stutter a lot when I read so I sound horrible when I read it aloud; and b) it makes no sense to me half the time.
so even though I know next to nothing about poetry I'll say this anyway:
I loved it! I LOVED the way you ended the poem, it was beautiful, but more punctuation is needed--it'll make it more clearer to the reader...I think.
Bye!
Bek :)




Random avatar

Points: 5635
Reviews: 38

Donate
Sun Mar 07, 2010 10:34 pm
MattJF says...



Ha ha your my new best friend! Thankyou for your comments, Its people like you I write for. Thankyou for taking time to read my poems, it really means alot!




User avatar
204 Reviews


Points: 15914
Reviews: 204

Donate
Sun Mar 07, 2010 10:15 pm
crescent wrote a review...



I liked this poem too. I'm sensing this mysterious element in your poetry. It makes me ponder on the meaning. (It's a complement. :) ) My favourite lines were

It felt like winter, a thousand frozen smiles.

I’m a nightmare disguised in happy lies.

I'm hungry for more poetry now... :mrgreen: :elephant:




Random avatar

Points: 5635
Reviews: 38

Donate
Sun Mar 07, 2010 8:54 pm
MattJF says...



Thankyou fiction903. I'm happy you like the poem. And thanks for your tip. And thanks for taking the time to review it means alot




Random avatar

Points: 15446
Reviews: 136

Donate
Sun Mar 07, 2010 8:29 pm
fiction903 wrote a review...



I think that you did a great job with this poem.

I’m a nightmare disguised in happy lies

This is my favourite line.I think you did a great job with rhyming, but you may want to add punctuation. Keep writing, your poems are really good. Fiction





A Prince of Darkness Is a Gentleman
— William Shakespeare