Teenage Torment
It was the first day of my springtime.
It felt like winter, a thousand frozen smiles.
I looked for rainbows in the moonlight.
But the moonlight blinds naive eyes.
There’s a danger in hungry eyes.
I’m a nightmare disguised in happy lies.
There were cracks in my window.
All the seeds that I would forget to sow.
And then I saw you today ,
With that same look upon your face.
And all the pictures I forgot to show,
Fell like coals among the blood red snow.
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139,529 Literary Works • 672,599 Reviews
Thankyou for your comments they were amazing and for taking the time for comment on my work. Like I said to the previous comments I'll keep on writing as long as people like you guys like my work so thanks for letting me carry on writing!
Loved it,bro. So relative<3. Keep writing man,you're great.
This is the first poem I've ever read that I actually liked.
I don't read poetry, no offence intended, because a) I stutter a lot when I read so I sound horrible when I read it aloud; and b) it makes no sense to me half the time.
so even though I know next to nothing about poetry I'll say this anyway:
I loved it! I LOVED the way you ended the poem, it was beautiful, but more punctuation is needed--it'll make it more clearer to the reader...I think.
Bye!
Bek
Ha ha your my new best friend! Thankyou for your comments, Its people like you I write for. Thankyou for taking time to read my poems, it really means alot!
I liked this poem too. I'm sensing this mysterious element in your poetry. It makes me ponder on the meaning. (It's a complement.
) My favourite lines were
I'm hungry for more poetry now...
Thankyou fiction903. I'm happy you like the poem. And thanks for your tip. And thanks for taking the time to review it means alot
I think that you did a great job with this poem.
This is my favourite line.I think you did a great job with rhyming, but you may want to add punctuation. Keep writing, your poems are really good. Fiction