I don't like your psychology,
messing around with my head.
Listen when he tells you, you should never wake the dead.
Don’t you see? Your diamond words sound just so synthetic.
But baby you ain't fazing me cause I live life electric.
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
Hello, MattJF. Nice to meet you.
Okay, so, I liked this. But...
It wasn't complete. The lines need to be tied together, right now they're like materials not yet winded together; unwoven, silken and beautiful fabric. You need to make this longer, tie it all together better as well. I don't get the waking the dead part at all, really. D:
But, nice work. Has potential.
Tata.
-Mizz
This was a very good beginning, but it feels unfinished to me. I really liked the first three lines, but I think there should be more between the third line and the fourth one, since the mood and tone both abrubtly change. Also, I don't understand what "waking the dead" has to do with lies, but again this could be fixed if the poem was fleshed out a little. I would change "coz" to "'cause". The correct spelling just makes it easier to read, and also none of the rest of the poem has that slang tone. You have a very good sense of rythmn and it makes the poem nice to read, so keep that up.
Thank you everyone who took the time to comment or review my poem. To answer fiction903's question. It means that people can tell you beautiful things but they could mean nothing or lies. I'm gong to fix up this poem taking all of your ideas ans suggestions into account. Thank you for the kind words!
-M
Hey Matt!
I'll review your poem today!
I have to admit I'm a little rusty on poetry but here I go.
This is good, your rhythm is good. If I read it aloud it flows which is good, because a poem must flow neatly, nonstop. I like the rhyme in the second and fourth verse because it doesn't sound too pushed or unnatural. But the tow stanzas don't really match and you have to work on that, you have to find a way of connecting this two great ideas and make one whole poem.
As for the last stanza, let me tell you that it just has nothing to do with the rest and you have to correct your grammar. We know it's your poem, but one of our rules is proper punctuation. No offense, but a poem with that kind of grammar looks mediocre. You have to watch for that.
IN here I sincerely don't see how diamond relates to words for I can see words as beautiful, sweet, powerful, strong, but not shiny. Well, that's just me, but I might suggest you to look for a proper adjective for words.
Hope I helped.
Pudin
I thought your poem was good.You might want to fix some of the grammar like coz and aint. I also have a question what does "your diamonds" mean ?
keep writing
Hiya Matt!
You've got something pretty cool going on here. There's just a need for a little more something.
So, some really nice lines that just need better transition. I'm sure this'll turn out awesome!
Take care!
~Freyja
You have the beginnings of an interesting poem here, but there isn't much joining the three stanzas together. What you do have is good, there just needs to be more of it. At the moment there seems to be three different ideas here, and what you need to do is make them connect. By all means try to keep it short and sweet though, because sometimes those are the most powerful poems. Have fun with it!
This is good, please post more soon.
Kayla