The Border of Light 1 - Chapter Three (Old)

PreviousNext

I slowly opened my eyes and smiled. Nights with no nightmares had been so rare lately that I enjoyed immensely every waking with no pounding pain in my head. Amid my stretch, however, I froze, the smile melting off my face. Sitting up, my eyes darted about the room. The bed was too big, the windows too large and the decoration too elaborate for any taste.
“God damn it.” I said crashing back into the pillow.

It had not been just a dream after all.

I sat on the edge of the bed, head in hands trying to stiffen the sudden fury the memory of Atlanta had provoked. It felt as if I would snap and attempt to murder everything in my way, starting with my dearest leader. I bit my lip in opposition and fortunately reason slowly took over. Restless, I shot up pacing about the room until my thoughts settled.
I walked to the window leaning against the glass. My room was on the second floor, if I had judged right, last it seemed. Below was a vast backyard with green and neatly cut grass. It ended in a pretty dark steel fence which separated it from the thick pine and oak forest that began beyond. In the distance there seemed to be nothing but forests and mountains. I could still hear the distant muffled noise of the city so the house must have been somewhere in the outskirts. On both sides there were houses, mansions even, all divided from Atlanta’s with a high and thick brick wall. I sneered at humanity and their fences…

Resting my forehead on the cool glass I closed my eyes in concentration. I had never lost the ability to feel the energy about me, but now I could sense it much more clearly. It was as if a curtain had been drawn from my inner eye allowing me to truly see once more. I focused, feeling the power stir inside me. Slowly I let it build in the hand I had pressed against the glass. I took a breath, the pressure in my head grew; I took another, feeling the distantly familiar tingle in my fingertips. Exhaling, I let it go and the wind lightly rustled the branches of the trees across. I opened my eyes and they were still, the pressure in my head completely gone.

I could feel, even if weakly, my power was back. But as much as I rejoiced about it, I couldn’t ignore the consequences that I knew followed.

With a sigh I moved away from the window. Feeling awfully adventurous I strolled for the door and opening it looked both ways with caution. Seeing nothing potentially dangerous in the hall outside, I walked out. My feet felt cold against the parquet but nevertheless I continued. I carefully inspected my surroundings and swiping each door with a glance counted the rooms in attempt to judge the size of the place. I numbered about eight by the time I reached the stairs. Descending, I tried my best not to let the wood under me creek but my effort proved irrelevant as no one lurked about their bottom. Neither was there anyone in the dining hall which opened directly on my right. The front door, I noticed, was down the corridor on my left. I could slip away and no one would notice, nor find me again, I thought, but as alluring as it was, I knew I couldn’t do it.

Instead I turned right into the dining hall and found myself before the hugest wooden table I had ever seen. In its middle stood a bowl of fruits, beautiful and sparkly it was probably for decoration, but regardless I snatched an apple from the pile.
I was in the middle of my munching and exploring of the kitchen when the area of muffled voices reached me from somewhere far along the corridor. Led by my curiosity I followed the sound as it grew clearer. I took a turn and found myself before the slightly open door of a study. Inside a number of Guardians were passionately discussing some probably important issue. I leaned against the wall, just out of their sight, and listened.

“…of course they’ll be reclaiming Sal-Naihra! What did you expect after we took over Kendragore.” Blake’s voice sounded rather agitated.
“You did what?” a girl shrieked. “Are you out of your minds? Why haven’t I heard of this?”
“It was our territory to begin with, Emerald.” another female said. Devoid of any emotion, every word she spoke still managed to display remarkable arrogance. I could recognize that tone in any era - Melania, the dark priestess, second in command of the Guardians.
“No it was not, it was neutral. Do you have any idea how close we are to breaking the truce?” Emerald said more calmly but still sounding very much vexed.
“And so are they.” Melania retorted.
“Does it really matter who started it? Facts are if we don’t establish our borders we’ll be at a disadvantage.” Terra said, her voice strong and confident as usual.
“If we do establish our borders it will be a clear declaration of war.” Emerald objected.
“Emerald, please, as much as I respect you, you do not seem to know how to assure superiority.”
“But I do know how to lead a functional clan, Melanie.”
“And I know how to win a battle.”
“Of course you do. At the expense of the people in your charge.”
“If you have a complaint, address it to the Council.” said Melanie coolly.
“Emerald, Melanie.” Terra voice thundered before the princess could respond.
Silence followed.
“I’m sorry it just… doesn’t make any sense…” Emerald finally said.

Indeed it was a pity they had taken Sal-Naihra. Although for a very long time now the city lay in ruins, probably over layers of snow too, I could still remember the unearthly sight it had once been. High up, where the sky met the earth, it stood amidst a dessert of snow, and even though the mountains were ravaged by storms throughout the year, not a single blizzard ever hit the city itself. It was a paradise, the symbol of the union between the two most powerful water clans of our race: Naihra, the last pure water clan, and the Saliya, the winter people. Even in human mythology there was a faint trace of its glory. They had crafted their own myth, calling it Shambhala, the basis of the current Shangri-La. However, while the Naihra, or River’s Song Clan, still walked the earth, unfortunately on the enemy’s side, the Saliya, had fallen with the beginning of the war.
About Kendragore, however, my opinion fully lay with Emerald. A fact I would rarely admit.

“I see your nosiness hasn’t change.” I heard Melanie say, her quiet footsteps making way across the wooden floor.
“Oh? I thought I was a part of the team now.” I said without making a move and she halted.
“Then why don’t you join the conversation openly.” she said and I didn’t like the tinge of threat in her voice.
“No thanks. But carry on. Forget I even exist. I know you are quite experienced in that.” I said suddenly feeling proud of my foolish courage of talking back to her.
Another set of steps approached. “What’re you doing here?” sticking out her colourful head, her majesty princess Emerald shot me a glare. “What’s she doing here?” the parrot head looked back inside.
“She’s a Guardian and Atlanta summoned her, that’s what.” Blake said in answer, sounding very much annoyed, and I remembered he too shared my dislike for the crystal princess.
“Really? Why haven’t I heard of this?” she quickly shifted her gaze between me and the inside of the room. “And why’re you still here?” her light green eyes stopped on me, piercing me with their cold hatred. “Shoo…” she waved me away with disgust written plainly on her face.
Disinterested I pushed myself off the wall. It was after I made a few steps that I remembered the reason I had crawled out of my room. But sensing the tension thick in the air I guessed it wasn’t the best time to ask them about my jacket.
“Oh yeah. I almost forgot.” I turned around and finally looked inside the study. “What’s your take on the silence?” I said instead. My eyes stopped on the tall dark figure in the middle straight across the door. She wore all black, a tank top and tight leggings. She had boots on, slick, black, shiny and tall, too tall, I thought she’d rival and even surpass Atlanta’s height in them. Her arms were crossed and hip cocked, and I tried my best to look at her without letting on the discomfort her cold eyes brought into my soul.
“Silence?” she questioned her delicate eyebrow curving up and I stared back amazed.
“You’ve got to be kidding me…” I said and my eyes traveled to the window over her shoulder.
“Listen… Hear anything?” I glanced back at her. “I don’t.” I kept staring into the abyss hidden behind her emerald eyes until I saw realization hit her. “Make sure to tell me once you’ve got it figured out.” I said preparing to flee.
I was stopped, however, by a girl who ran past me, nearly knocking me over despite her delicate frame and grace of movements. She halted at the doorframe leaning against it with a heavy pant. Her icy blue eyes, which darted in every direction, were opened as wide as they physically could be.
“Is it true…” she gasped once she had gathered enough breath to speak. “That…Sal-Naihra?”
A look of worry crossed Clare’s face. She had been in the room as well, sitting on a chair in the corner quietly observing the others argue among themselves. She immediately stood looking at the ice priestess with badly hidden panic. “Crystal…” she gave Melanie an inquisitive look before continuing. “Yes, they retook Sal-Naihra,” She said having received permission, “but that doesn’t mean-”
“Doesn’t it?” Crystal’s eyes seemed filled with hope for a short moment.

There it was, one freaking day amongst them and I had been dragged in the center of all the drama again.

“No Crystal.” Melanie spoke, her voice bringing more chill into the room than the ice priestess’ blizzard strike ever could. “That does not mean there are ice clan survivors. If they were reborn you would have felt it long ago.” She was correct, but she could have put it more civilly.
Hearing her words Crystal’s gaze dropped to the floor her long blond hair curtaining her face. When she finally had the courage to lift her eyes again she looked about ready to cry. “Then why?” When out people claimed a territory they usually did to show superiority over another group that had a claim over the lands. The Council never cared to retake the winter clan lands, they were too rigid.

“We don’t know.” answered Melanie, unmoved.
Tears welled up in Crystal’s eyes. “Why are they there? Do they wish to dishonour my clan?” she said with now prominent accent I could not place.
“They are simply reclaiming the city. Nothing more, nothing less.” Melanie sighted in annoyance throwing Clare a quick glance to urge her to do something.
“They’re probably just messing with us. Don’t give it too much thought.” Blake chimed in with a weak smile. She looked at him miserably and he nodded in attempt to reassure her.
Approaching her, Clare put hand on her shoulder, “It’s okay, Cris. Come.” she said and slowly led her down the corridor.

Everyone in the room shared a quick look of concern and only Melanie remained expressionless, even if she seemed somewhat relieved that a possible trouble had passed. After all, the last thing she needed was someone expressing a genuine emotion on a doubtlessly serious issue.
I met her gaze one last time and once her expression assured me she hasn’t forgotten the issue I had brought up, I quietly backed away into the hallway. I never knew what went on behind those malicious eyes of hers, but I was certain it wasn’t puppies and flowers. Even after all these years it took her a single glance to put me on edge and make me wish to run for it. If there was a single Guardian I did not wish to have against me, it was her. Unfortunately our relationship had never been, and never would be particularly flourishing.

I made my way back up the stairs bumping into Clare on her way down. She looked at me and smiled, trying to hide the worry which she no doubt felt.
“Is she going to be all right?” I heard myself ask and instantly cursed me for showing any trace of concern. However, I did indeed feel sorry for the ice priestess.
“I hope,” she said, “I told her we’ll be looking for a solution, but-”
“In reality no one is going to do anything about it.” I said and she nodded with regret.
“I’m going to get her some ice cream or something.” she said and I moved out of the way.
“Thanks.” she said with a relieved smile and I questioned with a gaze. She looked away, the smile still across her face, and skipped down the stairs disappearing into the dining hall.

My eyes lingered for a moment longer before I continued up. I didn’t feel like going back into the golden cage they gave me as a room, so instead I proceeded exploring my ears sharp for any speech or noise or presence. But it didn’t take me long to come across the aura of the one I had been looking for both least and most.

I knocked lightly on the door and turned the handle looking in with caution. It was a library, brand new judging by its sparkly cleanness and lack of smell. In its middle, over a table and facing the door was Atlanta. She was looking at a huge map sprawled across it. By the bookcase, near the corner, roamed Phoenix, a book in hands, she put it back upon my entry.
“Hello.” I said with awkward wave and walked inside as if I owned the place.
With stiffened anger I crossed the room under my leader’s weary stare and stopped by the biggest modern map that hung on the wall behind her.
“So,” I said after a silent moment, “how’s it going?” With that I glanced upon the map she had been looking over. On it was the modern world with states and countries pained over with colours and symbols marking our former clan territories.
She looked at me with weariness, demanding with a glance what it was I wanted.
“May I, If I’m allowed, to bring forth an issue.” I said in my best attempt to sound formal and fancy.
She sighed heavily and nodded, probably foretasting what I was going to complain about.
“I heard you’ve taken over Kendragore.” I said slowly, cautiously, and saw fear come to life in her eyes. Her body tensed probably to brace annoyance, rather than any possible threat. I scanned the map upon the wall, then the two that hung around the room of the ancient Roman Empire in its apex and the Mongol conquest at its height. Both of them, I knew, had been greatly aided by the Council at one time or another.

My eyes then fall back on her. “What were you thinking?” I said trying my best to keep my discontent at bay.
She sighed, yet again. “I understand your concerns, Skye,” she said and I stiffened hearing her call my name, “but leave politics in the hands of those who understand them.”
Those who understood them? I scowled at her remark. Oh I understood it well, too well.
“Are you out of your damn minds?” I said, my voice rising. “At this time? The moment you get your power back you simply rush into a war? Have you learned nothing?” I questioned and she stared back with subtle and well contained anger.
“It is precisely because it is a time like this.” she said with determination. “It is far more dangerous to leave things as they are. Our borders have been undefined for far too long, they can’t remain like this.”
I inhaled deeply feeling my anger stir the energy inside me. “They don’t care about lands, unless you start taking them.” I objected.
“That might have been the case once, but things have changed a lot since the beginning of the war. Do you really think they will always stay on the defense?” she said not breaking eye contact.
“War? What war?” I said with agitation. “The way I see things there aren’t any wars. Yet. And isn’t your job supposed to prevent that instead of aggravating the situation?” I glared. “This is not the best decision. You shouldn’t have taken any lands. Especially not Kendragore.” I said more calmly, even if it were forced.
“Because it’s the Silent Wind clan territory?” she said, her eyebrow high.
“It’s a sacred land. For both sides.” I stared into her amber eyes with confidence.
From the corner of my eye I saw Phoenix’s gaze shifted between us helplessly. “Hey guys, let’s not fight.” she said with a weak smile and we both stared at her darkly. She backed away into the bookcase toppling a few tomes.
I sighed. “Whatever, do as you wish, break your necks, see if I care.” I said and turned away my eyes meeting the map on the wall again.
But I could not let it go so easily. A took a moment until I could bear it no longer.
“Look,” I said calmly, attracting her attention. “Look at our former territories,” I said. “and most importantly their territories and cities.” My eyes locked upon the map. “Most of them are pretty small, secluded or… no longer there.” My hand traveled from the Ural, to the Himalayas, eastern Sahara, the sunken planes of Britain, Greenland and then several islands in Polynesia. “Now let’s look at the neutral territories.” Giving Atlanta a short glance I covered most of Asia with a hand. “You might have taken just Kendragore.” I pointed back at the Balkans. “Ignoring the reasons behind it, imagine what will happen if everyone begins taking over neutral lands.” I moved back to Asia, then North America and back to Africa. From her expression I could see she had already thought over this issue. “You’re playing with fire here Atlanta.” I said giving her a stare of utmost seriousness. “If you start taking over the neutral territories you’re going to have more to worry about than a simple quarrel. If you want to stay out of humanity’s radar, stay the hell off the neutral lands.” I said and looked at her expectantly.
She sighed wrapping hands about her shoulders. It was quite chilly in the room and she wore only a light summer dress, this time pale blue with white flowers. “Look, we are doing what we can, just trust in our judgment.” She said and it was my turn to sigh, but instead I groaned. Still I said nothing, knowing that even if I did, it would be useless. I wouldn’t trust them, and they wouldn’t listen to my counsel.
It was then that I noticed the dark circles under Atlanta’s eyes, made visible by the sunlight streaming through the window. There were wrinkles of strain upon her forehead too, and empty cups of coffee on the table. She was obviously overworked and probably had not left the room for quite a while, maybe even all night.
I released the breath I had been holding and backed off giving her a moment of silence. “Anything good to read.” I said to Phoenix, after my eyes had finished circling the bookshelves.
She smiled weakly, with relief. “Don’t bother, nothing worth it.”
And indeed the out-of-a-catalogue shelves seemed to contain nothing but the generic crap they stuffed new libraries with. Classics you could find on every shelf but no one ever picked up.
I frowned, nothing seemed to be available to alleviate my boredom.
“So,” I said dragging my words, “you were supposed to have me briefed.” My eyes swiped about the room landing softly on Atlanta.
Her face went slack. “Why don’t you rest some more, you just arrived.” she said, a trace of care in her voice.
“I’m fine, and bored, give me something to do.” I demanded.
She seemed reluctant and my eyes narrowed. She looked at me wearily probably realizing I would not back down. With a small sigh she stepped away from the table and headed for the reading desk. From its drawer she recovered a paper package which she then handed to me.
“What is it?” I asked, carefully unsealing the envelope. There were pictures inside, along with several pages of written text. It was in English, notes seemingly describing the origins of the pictures. The photos were of inscriptions. I could not at first believe it so I took a closer look. It was indeed archaic, a language long lost even to us. “Where did you find these?” I asked astonished.
“The ones marked in blue Kendragore, the red framed Tibet.” she said.
“But…” I began and a sudden thought hit me. “Is this why you recalled me? You needed someone who could read archaic?” The newfound interest was replaced by sudden disappointment.
“It is one of the reasons, yes.” Atlanta said.
“I see…” I said swallowing the disappointment. “Why do you need them translated anyways? They are too old to matter.”
“But that’s the thing. They weren’t there before.” Phoenix said.
That was impossible; writings in stone did not simply appear overnight.
“They are not fake.” Atlanta answered to my disbelief. “They showed up about the same time the powers returned.”
“Any other sights?” I inquired.
“Not that we know of.” she said. “Both were in vicinities formerly occupied by imperial clans.” she added.
“Well obviously! Archaic hasn’t been used since the empire, that’s why it’s called archaic.” I said with a roll of my eyes.
“So can you decipher it?”
“Of course I can. Who do you think I am?” I couldn’t help but laugh at her skepticism. “So… that why you took over Kendragore.” I asked after a moment.
“One of the reasons-”
“You’re idiots.” I concluded with a regretful shake of my head. She didn’t answer. “So, any idea what I am looking for?” I said quickly glancing through the slides.
She shook her head. “No, but if there’s anything related to the shrine system-”
“Pardon?” I said my eyebrow lifting high.
“Kendragore is where the first shrine was founded and Tibet the final point of the network, there is a possibility that the writings contain the technique of establishing such.” she said and the blood froze inside my veins.
“There’s an active shrine in Kendragore isn’t there.” I said and I felt my face go slack.
It all made sense now.
She held a breath and then released. “Yes.” she said the word I feared most.
I took a moment to think and relax, noticing the sudden rise of wind in the room. I felt the need to sit down. There was a chair by the reading desk and I slid into it still speechless. I had almost no strength left to keep me from saying ‘do you have any idea what you’ve done’ and I knew my expression stated it clearly. I feared if I did, however, say it all hell would break loose around me.
“So let me see if I get this straight,” I said. “the powers return… And what do you do? You take over a crucial region both sides agreed to stay away from long before the war. Because you found out there’s an active shrine there.” I said staring into space. “If I recall correctly back in the days you “politically” took over Tibet. The reason being you found out there was an active shrine. Not surprisingly they retaliated violently. A disaster, yes, but you did manage to smooth it out… somehow. The difference here, however, is that back then you had bows and arrows, they had sticks and stones. Now you can mentally fling mountains at each other.” My eyes bore into her. “Am I the only one seeing the flaw in that “political maneuver” you executed?”
Tibet had been enemy land while Kendragore was neutral, I had to admit, but I still believed my remarked carried a valid point.
There was silence. No one looked upon the other, and even less dared to meet my eyes.
Our shrines were not a religious symbol; they were tools to manage, directed and amplify energy. Every clan, sometimes groups or rarely a single very powerful person, had a shrine to focus their power. Shrines concentrated, maintained, sometimes calmed or increased the energy infused in them, in the end releasing it in a much more pure and potent state. They also had the properties to preserve structures through weather and time degradation as long as the shrine was active. But they usually could not function without someone to maintain it, for long. Still after ages of utilization they often retained some energy, keeping it safe and amplifying it even after abandonment. It, however, became incapable of supplying it to a living organism; instead it turned into a very radiant natural energy spot which eventually faded, melting away into the streams.
It made sense, however, the writings restoring themselves would mean a reactivated shrine. I knew it must have done so on its own, it took a master or a large number of people to do so manually, plus the technique was lost to the ages. But in that case, why had it activated, and why now.


“Fine,” I said, “I’ll look through your files. But you should know I do not support your decision and actions.” I said with certainty. She tried to speak but I did not let her. “What’s done is done. And considering that the powers have returned, it is not a bad idea to restore the shrine network if it’s possible.”
There was more to a shrine than it being a focal point though. The entirety of them formed a system, a shrine network. Situated in crucial areas where streams overlapped, they did not only manage and draw energy but also served as a safeguard against our extended and unpredictable influence on the whole of nature. They also allowed us to go beyond our personal limits, and that had been the main reason they were the first targets when the war began. Temples, clan shrines, everything that they could get their hands on, was leveled.
Unlike us, they drew directly from the streams, a feat that made them dangerous and fatal to the balance as well. It had all began with a group, just a few individuals, that saw a fault in the system and limitation in the power utilized. In other words, without a shrine nearby one’s personal power diminished drastically. So, in order to escape it, they instead practiced drawing directly from their surroundings. It give them more potent power, but at the same time more chaotic. There was too much risk involved with such a usage and so the Council had attempted to dismantle them. First error in the long list of mistakes that followed.

Without the shrines we, on the other hand, only had the energy of our own, unable to do much else then lift a rock, make it drizzle or sway a branch, depending on our limits. That was why we should have not provoked them at this very moment. They had power over the natural border, we were limited to it.
The war was lost, before it could have even began.
I guessed I understood why the Council had grasped upon this hope, but their actions were still to rash and ill judged.

There was a movement, and I lifted my eyes to see Atlanta trash through her bag. Her phone had pinged alarming her of a new message.
“Time to go?” Phoenix questioned and our leader nodded grimly.
Her eyes then turned to me. “I will be calling for a meeting after attending the Council,” she said.
The Council? I realized and frowned. The Council was recalling the Clan representatives and leaders, I concluded not liking the thought of that one bit. They were not supposed to be there. Having a major meeting in a middle of a neutral territory, what were they thinking? I thought but did not voice it. I had gone through too much turmoil for a day and I could already feel my head aching. I still wondered how much longer they could poke the beast before it bit their heads off. Even though they didn’t state it, the Council were obviously staking claims over both Americas. Now it no longer seemed surprising that the enemy had unleashed a hunt.
All that I could do was nod in dismissal; it was out of my hands despite my disapproval. Smiling weakly in answer Atlanta grabbed her bag and stomped out, Phoenix following in suit.
Thus I was left to my dark thoughts wondering what mess they could get into next.

But I had to force my thoughts away from that, I realized and scanned the bookshelves once again. It still proved fruitless, and in the end I found myself staring at the map in attempts to find a suitable solution again.
I shook my head in annoyance.
What was I supposed to do? Why had they brought me back?
Tearing myself from the map I approached the window. Its ledge was wide enough for me to sit on and I gazed upon the forests in the distance. Kendragore… I thought and remembering it made me shudder.
Luckily I heard the door open and the sound broke me out of my dark thoughts hold. The guy took a few steps in and then he froze.
“Oh hi.” He said somewhat startled. He took his hands out of his pockets and managed a lazy wave.
Ignoring his presence I turned my eyes back to the window..
“Really, no greeting, no I’m glad to see you, no nothing?” he said a immediately after, his voice annoyed.
My eyes shifted back to him. “You expected one?”
“Hell yeah I expect one.” he said appalled. "Did I do anything to deserve such a treatment?"
He hadn't. Silver, his name much like everyone else changed its form but retained its meaning. His was, however, the easiest of all to guess. Like it let on, his power was to manipulate metals. To me his metal element, however, was a simple mixture of earth and fire skills in neither of which he seemed to specialize.
He had been the only one of those present at my trial who had voted against my exile, and one of the few to continue protesting against it, even though not actively, after the decision had been announced.
I felt my lips come into an amused smile. “Hello then, I guess.”
“That better.” he gave me an approving nod. “So back in the coup huh.” he said and I frowned.
“Sadly.”
“I see.” he said running fingers through his platinum blond hair.
“So do I call you Silver?” I asked and he nodded. I smiled to myself, I had guessed right.
Silently he moved towards the bookcase his blue eyes swiping through the shelves.
“Nothing good.” I said and he looked upon me eyebrow raised.
“For you maybe.” he said pulling out a random Census tome, I had overlooked, and an edition of For Whom the Bell Tolls by Hemingway.
“I’ve read that one.” I said and he looked at the Census with surprise. “Not that one, the other.” I nodded at the Hemingway.
“So have I.” he said with a smug smile. “But it doesn’t hurt to read it one more time.” he added with a shrug.
“I don’t like it.” I said. “His style’s hard to follow.”
He shrugged. “Perhaps it is,” he said balancing the books in his hands, “but I like it anyway.”
“Then why the Census.” I asked glancing with disgust at the thick tome.
“You kidding?” he said with genuine surprise. “It’s hilarious.”
I looked at him with doubt. “You have a weird sense of humour.”
“So I’ve been told.” he said with a small smile. There was a moment of silence as he seemed to hesitate, his eyes shifting between me and the door. “I suppose you wish to be alone.” he inquired and I nodded. “All right.” He said with a sigh and I couldn’t tell whether it was relief or disappointment.
He left quietly, as he had entered, and my eyes drifted to the trees in silent contemplation.


She could feel it, the subtle movement of the earth below her, the slow shifting of the massive layers of matter around her. Even in her sleep the constant quiet crackles had haunted her. Now that she was awake, the forces at work seemed even more distinct. The pressure was heavy, weighting down upon her body. The stench of sulfur was intoxicating and she had to struggle for her mind to remain clear. Still she silently endured, finding comfort in the pledge of vengeance upon these most irritating forces.
Accidentally she tugged at the increasingly warm chain tied around her left wrist. Realizing its existence her eyes searched for its form in the darkness. She could not remember its presence before, and the ones responsible would most definitely suffer a fate worse than doom. Bringing the shackle to her mouth she touched her lips to it. Then jerking her hand free the metal shattered, sizzling upon meeting with the ground. For a moment the sulfur was diffused by a wave of cool air, but just as soon it returned with reinforced blight. In attempt to block the miasma she brought her hand, dressed in a silken glove, to her mouth. She knew standing up was useless as she could see nothing of her surroundings, but still she rose and clumsily made her way through the darkness. She found a wall and in disbelief she touched her cheek to it. It almost felt like crystal, and crystal would mean a substance more fragile than rock.
“Break it.” She heard in her mind. It was a voice she had thought she would not hear again. The unintended smile that she felt appeared on her face surprised her with its honesty. Without delay she crashed her hand onto the wall. The surface began to crack as its temperature dropped. A few moments passed and it shattered wholly opening a way towards the outside. The light blinded her. Slowly she recognized it was not sun, for it was too dark, too stifling. No it was not the sun; it was the flame of the rivers of heated rock that gushed all around her.
For a moment she was overwhelmed. Not so much because of the heat, but by the energy released. But as restless as it was the ground did not shake, the crust did not break, and the rivers did not overflow. The energy escaped safely into the streams as the natural forces brewing around remained static.
No not static, he had held them back.
Once her eyes fully adapted to the glow her attention fell upon the object she had been grasping in her right hand. It was a small disk, bronze in colour, a flame engraved upon its surface. Scowling she threw it to the ground, the heel of her pristine white boot dropping onto it with full force. It crushed to dust and she flashed him a malicious smile content of her victory over the trinket. He smiled back, uncertain of whether she was not planning a similar fate for him.
“You’re late.” she finally said her blue eyes boring into him.
He hesitated. “I was held up.”
He expected an aggravating answer but instead she passed him by, marching down the narrow path opened in the flames. Impatiently her eyes sought the way out. He followed silently, closely noting even the slightest change in her expression. Soon she realized the exit was much further than she had hoped. Sighing in annoyance she waved her finger in the air forming a cloud of mist above. It slowly condensed until it was clearly discerned from the surroundings with its cotton like gray shape. It then slowly began sprinkling snow all over her white fur-trimmed cape.
“And keep those flames away!” she hissed after being forced to jump aside in order to avoid a blast of fire.
“Only if you keep this damn storm off my head.” he retorted pointing at the cloud that was scattering snow all over him. It covered his red locks and then quickly melted, dripping down his back and sending a chill along his spine.
She pursed her lips and continued forward the cloud growing and raining even harder, in answer. He sighed in defeat and focused on the flame tongues to keep them at bay the best he could. To fully make herself at home she pulled her hood up, carefully covering every lock of her silver hair, and the cloud grew even bigger. Around her radiated cold as more and more snow was sprinkled. Given a little bit of freedom she would have turned the whole volcano into her new icy kingdom, he had no doubts.
He was amazed most, however, at how her clothes had kept much of their colour and texture after all that time. Some females had the weirdest, most incredible set of skills when it came to looks; that much he had learned from his sister. Thinking of her, however, made him shudder. Something deep in his mind told him he did not wish to be around when her time to awaken came.

Comments & reviews · 4
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
Omni
Review
Omni wrote a review · Sat Feb 02, 2013 10:56 pm

Hey there, here to review on your latest addition on this story.

Since it is a new chapter and it extremely long, I won't do it the same way I have been with the first chapter, but I'll do it in the same format as the prologue, but, hopefully, it will be longer than the prologue one.

It seems that it might even be shorter than the prologue one, for the simple fact that I haven't found anything extremely wrong grammatically wise that the people before me hasn't stated. You are a great author and I am honored to read and review this work. I must say that your comma use has gotten a little better over time.

Overall I give this piece an 8 out of 10. Keep up the great work and I hope to see what is next in store with chapter four and how this all works in together. I can tell this will be a long story and I am determined to stick with it and you along the way.

Omniyus.

User avatar
Kale
Review
Kale wrote a review · Sun Dec 30, 2012 10:25 pm

Hello there MaryEvans! I, Kyllorac, will be reviewing you today on this very fine Review Day. Before I do, though, you should know that I haven't read any of your earlier chapters (at least, I don't remember doing so) and so some of the things I say may not apply. Feel free to disregard them if they don't, though I hope I can still be of some help.

With that said, the first thing that struck me about this while I was scrolling on down to the review box was the paragraphing. It's a bit bunched all together, and while it isn't unreadable, it is a bit less readable than if you'd had space in between each paragraph, or an indent at the start of every new paragraph. Since you don't, this chapter looks quite intimidating visually, with how there are these huge clumps of text lumped together, and there's a lot of them.

You might want to consider going back in and editing this to add spaces in between paragraphs (which would make for easier online reading than first-line indents). Since you also apparently use spacing to break scenes, I think it would be a good idea if you used some sort of symbol in addition to the spacing to help make things even clearer. I personally like using -=-=-=- or --- to break scenes in addition to spacing them out.

You have quite a few misused words scattered throughout this. For example:

I was in the middle of my munching and exploring of the kitchen when the area of muffled voices reached me from somewhere far along the corridor.

"Area" doesn't make any sense where it is, since an area is a space and not a type of sound. This isn't the only obvious case of such, either, and it leads me to wonder if you edited this at all before submitting it since a quick edit would have caught most of the misused words.

With that said, as far as the story itself goes, there are a lot of characters introduced and a lot of politicking, and those two combined make for a rather choppily-paced chapter that feels a bit too fast in some places, and too slow in others. It doesn't help that the politicking feels a bit one-dimensional, as do the characters' actions, since every little aspect of past interactions is basically infodumped. Silver's introduction in particular comes to mind, and a lot of that information could've been covered in dialogue instead of bringing the scene to a grinding halt.

I'd recommend maybe taking a closer look at the events and explanations in this chapter by outlining them so you can more easily which bits and events are absolutely necessary to reference/cover now, which ones need developing further, and which ones can be dropped from the chapter entirely. Particularly the politics could use a bit more depth in its treatment, especially since there's some hints of such depth already existing.

Thank you for reading and reviewing.
As I said earlier spacing is beyong me, regardless of what I try to do, the editor simply resets it to an earlier version and refuses to accept the changes I make or randomly does... well whatever it wants. I still havent figure out where the issue is, browser, some addon, etc, so for now formatting is out of my hands.
And its not faulty word usage, it's typos, which I frankly can't seem to notice regardless how many times I edit and since I have no one to proof read they remain there until someone does spot them. In any case, thanks for pointing out that one.
Also I am aware of the heavy exposition dumb, but for now there's nothing I can do about it. I am working on a better version, but its all still in process. If you have any useful advices or ideas feel free to give them. I am kind of at a standstill...

User avatar
IcyFlame
Review

Hey there! Icy here to review for you (I'm out of practice with reviewing, so bear with me).

Right, first things first you may want to post chapters this long in two or more parts in the future. This is purely a personal preference, but I find it so much easier and a lot less daunting to read smaller segments on yws. I think other users would agree with me too, and you might find yourself with more reviews.

Nitpicks! (I'm not sure how long I'll go on for, but we shall see)

The bed was too big, the windows too large and the decoration too elaborate for any taste. should have an extra line space here.
“God damn it,” I said crashing back into the pillow.


I sat on the edge of the bed, head in hands, trying to stiffen I think you mean 'stifle' the sudden fury the memory of Atlanta had provoked.


From what I can see from it most of your spelling is correct... you just might want to look through and see where you need some commas. It's not flowing quite as well as it could.

You're having some issues with your spacing too. Earlier on, you double space paragraphs and later on there isn't a gap. I much prefer the first format - I think it's far easier to read!

The other thing I noticed was mainly to do with your technique. You have a lot of cases where you seem to tell the reader what is going on rather than showing them.

In particular, this section is where I found this happening:

“We don’t know.” answered Melanie, unmoved.
Tears welled up in Crystal’s eyes. “Why are they there? Do they wish to dishonour my clan?” she said with now prominent accent I could not place.
“They are simply reclaiming the city. Nothing more, nothing less.” Melanie sighted in annoyance throwing Clare a quick glance to urge her to do something.
“They’re probably just messing with us. Don’t give it too much thought.” Blake chimed in with a weak smile. She looked at him miserably and he nodded in attempt to reassure her.
Approaching her, Clare put her hand on her shoulder, “It’s okay, Cris. Come.” she said and slowly led her down the corridor.


I think the main problem here is that you appear to have an omniscient narrator when the character couldn't possibly be (unless this is part of the story line, in which case this will be irrelevant).

You can fix this quite easily, just don't give reasons why the characters do everything they do, and occasionally add in something to remind the reader it's First person. E.g I watched as Clare put her hand on Blake's shoulder
Not necessarily that, but you get the idea!

Other than that, I thought the story was good, if not a bit overloaded with information at times. Good luck with the next chapter!

First I want to thank you for taking your time to read and comment, I find your remarks really helpful and I will look over the stylistic issues. And yes my comma use is awful; I just tend to overlook them when I write. :D
The formatting is pretty much out of my hands though, I re-uploaded it a few times but it just seems to do what it wants. I don%u2019t know if it%u2019s the browser or the editor or what, so until I figure it out I apologize for the mess. Also I was thinking of dividing but I just can%u2019t find a proper spot to split, still will see what I can do.
As for the information%u2026 yes it%u2019s too heavy on exposition but I need to establish some things for later development and I still haven%u2019t discovered a way to make it less painful.



There was nothing he enjoyed more than a good book. He'd wander into the study, take down some leather-bound volume, and eat it.
— Terence Brady (dog owner)