Chapter One - Part Three
The days of the week slipped by silently and very soon it was Thursday, the last day before the weekend for me. There was no warm sun on that particular Thursday afternoon, the weather was growing increasingly chilly and it had been raining on and off since Monday. Winter was no doubt approaching and I hoped for at least a few more warm autumn days.
I was sitting in my usual spot, listening to my player and overall wasting time before I had to go for the occasional portfolio show off. I had finished my book and I had nothing to do but count all the different shades of clouds in the sky. It was all I could do to quash my unease and fear of the monster students who were most certainly going to snatch the few gallery opportunities again.
A thunder rumbled and suddenly the rain started pouring. The few figures in the courtyard scampered like mice as everything became grey, misty and wet. The lights glimmered and a loud thunder echoed somewhere nearby. My gaze traveled back down the roll to the other side of the room. That weird girl was there again. She had been around for the past week and I was starting to get annoyed. Her eyes always seemed to dart my way. This time, however, she was reading, or at least giving off the illusion of doing so. I tried not to stare, but I couldn't help but notice that she wasn't alone. Her friend sat in the chair across of her, constantly shifting and adjusting himself. He hadn't stopped for even a moment and in the end he simply stood up and glued himself to the window. His eyes stared off into the rain and his body and face finally found the peace he seemed to have been missing. But it didn't last long before he started shifting again, glancing at her, then away, and once almost catching my stare before I hid it. She said something to him I didn't hear and he frowned, but stopped fidgeting. One hand to his chest he stared out the window, deep in thoughts I couldn't possibly begin to imagine even if I cared to do so. He wasn't tall, taller than me definitely but still kind of short for a guy. He seemed a bit on the skinny side too and I suddenly felt the need to feed him a muffin. Overall he was your usual guy in sneaks, jeans and t-shirt, and she was the usual girl in the same attire, but there was something about them that tickled me the wrong way.
A lightning flashed brightly but its thunder sounded farther away, the storm was moving away. When I turned back to look at them I almost slid of my chair when I saw him standing over me.
"The rain's really striking down, isn't it?" he said with an odd smile.
"I guess..." I answered trying to stick my jumping heart back where it belonged.
Hands in pockets, he was looking at me from under the black covering his electric-blue eyes. Next to him was the girl and I could almost swear I had caught her glaring at him with critique. With amusement I noted how much of a contrast her olive skin marked next to his pale visage.
"I don't think I introduced myself properly," she said turning to me, "my name's Maya." Her hand extended for me to shake and I hesitated before doing so.
She sat down.
"This is Rain." she said nodding up at the guy.
I looked at him, one brow up and he smiled back.
"You can call me Skye." I said and continued to stare with suspicion.
"What is it?" he questioned.
"Rain, really?"
His brow furrowed. "Really. And your name is really Sky?" he said with playful provocation.
"No." the indifference of my answer seemed to startle him. "But I like it better." I added.
The two exchanged a secret glance and she pulled him lightly for the sleeve to make him sit down. He didn't seem too happy about it. There was another lightning and it successfully drove my attention away from them.
"So what are you studying." I heard him say.
"Fine arts." I answered automatically. "Oil painting." I added since he seemed inclined to ask further.
"That's nice," said Maya, "ever been featured?"
"A few times," I said, "nothing grand. You can see some of my paintings in the gallery hall here." I said, though I wasn't certain if they were still there.
"Which one?" She leaned forward with an obvious interest. Rain just seemed bored.
"After Apocalypse." I said referring to the painting of a city immersed in mist. The skies above it were white save for one of the corners where the vague outline of a red sun peaked through the curtain of clouds. I had always thought it rather plain, but for some reason my teacher had liked it enough to display. It never made it to the gallery though, no surprise there.
"That one was pretty dark." Maya noted solemnly.
"But I used white mostly." I stated. It was so, I had been feeling lazy that day so I quickly composed it with as few colours and variations as I could.
"That's not what I meant." she said.
What was it then, I thought but did not speak.
"So do you ever draw anything brighter?" Rain asked surprising me. By his expression I was guessing he had its companion "Ruin," a black forest with trees that looked like monsters.
"When I'm in the mood." I said.
This conversation was getting rather annoying. What do you want, I felt the urge to ask but then that wouldn't have been nice, would it. Luckily silence took us as Maya found something of interest on her phone and Rain looked too bored and uninterested to bother me.
Why are they still here, I wondered when more than just a few minutes had passed.
Somewhere in the distance I saw an acquaintance who was relatively tolerable and shot up, grateful for the newfound excuse to flee.
"Hey, I've been meaning to ask..." Maya began.
"Sorry, got to go." I said with a smile and ran up to him to bug him about the details of a project I knew all about. Seemingly more than glad to help, he led me towards his locker to fetch the notes regarding the subject.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hey Ary!
).
Shady back with your last and final review (until you get more chapters up
Right, so I’ve finally figured out that these final four bits are parts of the same chapter. Because I’m smart like that, and finally paid attention to your “Chapter One- Part Three” note...so...yeah. I’m a quick one.
~ You’re missing a comma. But this piece is adorable. I like the way you described it. It made me smile.
~ The...what? This part makes no sense to me.
~ I’m going to sound like a massive hypocrite, because dialogue tags are my weakest point, but I recommend changing this to “She nodded up at the guy.” All the ‘she said’s get a bit dull.
~ Did he mean to leave the ‘e’ off of ‘Skye’?
~ Question mark, not period.
~ Question mark, not comma.
~ I recommend rephrasing this to read (Several minutes passed in silence.) and then put it before your thought.
~~~
So things are definitely heating up...I’m still wondering what powers it is she has. It’s an intriguing concept. However, remembering my confusion about Skye and her father’s tension, I recommend explaining it a bit more in your next part.
Otherwise, your story is very good and captivating. I would very much like to read more when you post it.
Keep writing!
~Shady
Here to review once again!
It seems to go from chapter one with three parts to chapter three. I don't want to miss ANYTHING so can you tell me where chapter two is at? Thanks.
My name is Omniyus. I'm sure you already know me by now and I think I can call you my friend! I am getting to the end of chapter one and I don't know the names of the people or what is remotely going on, but that is normal for me, so I love it!
Once again, I will do the format the same I did with the first two parts of this chapter.
Note: I have been looking at your other works and I can't seem to find the second part
I was in shock at the ending of this. I was screaming, that was the end!?!?!? Eh, oh well. I guess you have to end it somewhere.
This was great! Once again, I felt completely immensed in this. I have to say, the main character seems like a bit of a jerk, but, somehow, it suits him.
This one was great! Overall I give this an 8 out of 10. Can't wait to read the third chapter!
Omniyus.