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falling in a forest

by Magebird


a tree fell in a forest
with everybody around.
it crashed into the undergrowth
but didn't make a sound.


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Thu Sep 26, 2019 3:22 am
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Elinor wrote a review...



Hey Mage!

I'm glad I got the chance to see this poem before I went to bed tonight. I know I haven't read your work as much as I would like, but I do enjoy reading it.

I love this this poem because it's simplistic but effective, and the metaphor it portrays clear, this idea that someone can be struggling and no one is around who notices. That's what I took from anyway.

While what you have is solid, and I think its shortness is a strength, I think this could afford to a line or two longer. When I think of a forest I generally don't think of a place that's going to be crowded with people, unless it's a campground, or a national park, or something else. There are plenty of situations where a forest could be crowded, but I don't think of a forest as inherently crowded, if that makes sense.

I also don't know if undergrowth quite works, and maybe you could replace it with something a little bit more evocative.

I hope this helps! I appreciated the read. Keep writing! :D

Cheers,
Elinor




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Wed Sep 25, 2019 5:48 pm
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riancarthy wrote a review...



Hey @Magestorrow

Wow! I actually liked the vibe to that poem. It was killer small but killer good!
I liked the setting 'forest-y' vibe. I could feel your calmness as you thought away at that poem. I also like your choice of words.
For example. 'undergrowth' instead of a much more common or similar word, I like how you really thought about this poem!
I really don't have much to criticize. All I can really think of is 'around' and 'sound' rhyming so it would've been even more lovely if 'forest' and 'undergrowth' could have rhymed (the line not the word!)
Thanks for giving me the enjoyment of flickering through that and have a good day/night!

-@riancarthy




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Wed Sep 25, 2019 4:11 pm
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello! FlamingPhoenix dropping in with a short review for you Mage! ;)

Let's get started.

It's a little sad that forest didn't rhyme with around, undergrowth and sound, it just would have put a nice flow on this poem from the very beginning. But I'm not moaning or anything, because there isn't really that could rhyme with them that means forest, so I think you did a good job with what you had.
I can tell the meaning behind this poem in deep, but I can't figure out what it means, I no it means something impotent. Is it around people cutting down trees when it really isn't needed? I have know idea, so you are going to have to tell me the meaning, because for the life of me I can't figure it out, and it's going to eat me up. Unless this was just a poem that came to you and it works, and you felt like posting it?
Hmm...don't know.
Anyway I think this poem was really well done, and i loved it, I hope you will start posting some more again Mage, I miss reading your work! So never stop writing and have a great day or night. Post again soon.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix!
Reviewing with a fiery passion!

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Wed Sep 25, 2019 11:50 am
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Luke14 wrote a review...



From reading this, I feel like the tree could symbolize life, or a life, a specific one. One that has fallen from a once good place. People stood and stared, but no one made an effort to stop it from falling, but would the tree even be able to stand again? There was no sound, no one seemed to notice, when this tree was down, and hurt, no one gave it any attention, not even someone to hold it in it's time of need. I guess interpreting it this way, can make it very sad. But perhaps it isn't so sad. perhaps, this is where it's most interesting. This is the trees lowest moment, when we see the fate the tree has been bestowed, we want to see it alright again. That's how our minds work. We can't simply put something down without finishing it sometimes. If the story is sad, and leaves an unsatisfying taste in our mouths, then we can't simply leave without getting at least a taste of that sugary ending. Sometimes there is no sweetness in an ending, sometimes it is bitter, and sour. But all the same, were going to always remember that one sour ending in the army of sweet ones. Sometimes we have a yearning for sour ones, some of us prefer them, because were so tired of the same old sweetness, that it's lost it's flavor. Now tasting bland, and not worth the time. Why bother with one, if there are so many? So that's what I like about this poem, it's not a happy ending for the tree, but sometimes we just need a story like this, because all those sweet endings never happen. But the sour ones, are almost always, the truest. Great job, you gave a lot to work with. 10/10




Magebird says...


Thank you so much for your review! I really like your interpretation. :)



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Tue Sep 24, 2019 1:42 pm
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promptlyby12 wrote a review...



HI!
That is quite interesting! I personally like short poems that are descriptive nevertheless, but don't spoonfeed the reader with information: They make one think. That's what I love about this, The metaphor strikes my curiosity and I start interpreting it in several different ways, which is fun. I'm guessing you wrote this from a loneliness point of view, i.e. a tree falls but not a soul notices. I think the poem has been written in free verse, ( right???) if so, I think a fun activity you could do is play around with some poetic forms that dictate short and accentual forms. I would suggest looking at a 'Tanaka' or 'cinquain'.try fitting this poem into a form like that, I think it would be quite fun (not that there is something wrong with what the poem sounds like right now! Just wanted to share a fun activity with you.)
Happy poeting!




Magebird says...


Thanks for the review and suggestions! I'm definitely going to check out those forms of poetry when I get a chance. <3



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Tue Sep 24, 2019 2:38 am
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ImmaPerson321 wrote a review...



This is really a poem that is short, but deep.
It makes me question exactly what was put into it; what happened? And, going along with the metaphor and what the poem's meaning is and what it stands for, it makes me wonder what happened after. How did everybody else react? Why didn't it make a sound? This poem kinda stumped me, pun unintentional, but I do mean that. I might be thinking about this for a while, it's an interesting concept. Like you turned the original inside out, flipped the situation just with a few words. It's interesting.




Magebird says...


Thanks for the review! If you ever want to give me your guesses on what happened in the poem, I'd be happy to tell you if you got them right or not. <3



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Tue Sep 24, 2019 1:36 am
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Tuckster says...



I'm not marking this as a review since I've read this several times and still can't find anything to critique, but this is truly impressive work! I love the twist on how everybody is around, and yet nobody hears the fall. These themes of loneliness and isolation really ring true for me, and it's an idea I think a lot of people can relate to. It's a brilliant twist and perfectly executed in something so short and simplistic yet so deep and profound. This is really some masterful work, Mage, and I hope to read more like this from you! Thank you for sharing!

~Tuck




Magebird says...


Thank you so much! I thought it was a weak poem thanks to it being so short, but I guess this is a sign I should try my hand at more short poems in the future!



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Tue Sep 24, 2019 1:11 am
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Clairia wrote a review...



Hi, Mage! I'm here to drop you a quick review.

This piece seems to be quite the homage to the long-lasting question of "if a tree falls, but no one is around to hear it, does it really make a sound?" I myself have spent fleeting minutes asking myself this, and the obvious answer seems to be that...well, yes. It does. Techincally speaking, absolutely.
But what you've written here makes me ponder further, even if that wasn't the intent. It's so, so great to read work that keeps me thinking hours after I've reviewed it; which I can expect to be true here. Especially since you've almost entirely flipped the switch on the question itself with this poem, writing that instead of no one, there was

everybody around

And instead of being confused by it, I found that it was actually a really refreshing change. I absolutely love that you've made this riddle your own, and incorporated the same kind of mystery at the end.
I honestly can't critique this; mostly because of its length, but you've also just done such a great job with it. Your work is so beautiful, and I can't wait to read more!
Thanks for sharing,
Daughter




Magebird says...


Aw, thank you! I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Most of my poems are actually longer ones, but I'll let you know if I ever post anything else like this one.




Have a biscuit, Potter.
— Professor McGonagall