Hi Mage!
I haven't done much reviewing on your story before, but I've been catching up on reading it, so I thought I'd just pop in with a few thoughts.
She consulted her map, and followed the dirt path underneath her feet for the next couple of hours. When necessary, she chose one path over the other, never straying from what the map depicted.
I know you don't want to draw this journey out for a huge length of time, but it might be good to add in something about orienting the map wrong and having to backtrack a few times, or at least stopping to eat and rest--that's always a must when hiking for several hours! And I like solitude and walking, but when in strange territory, I feel like Cass might start doubting or worrying about her surroundings, or what Aspen's up to.
After she saw the first few, she gave up on trying to find them in the guidebook that Lira had given her. The style of the book was too unfamiliar, and it took too long to compare the different species to what was pictured.
Sure, there's fun in identifying strange squirrel critters, but maybe she would be scanning the book for any animal that could potentially be dangerous to her? Just for peace of mind or more information.
Once a suitable spot had been determined, she set up the tent she had in her backpack and had a feast of Mountain House macaroni and cheese beside a roaring fire.
She fell asleep to a duet of her crackling fire and the distorted chirping of the strange bugs lurking in the darkness.
Okay forgive me, but I'm going to get into gritty backpacking details for a moment. I'm glad that she has food, though water is the most important. She seems to know a lot about hiking stuff, so maybe she should occasionally be concerned about her dwindling water supply and where rivers are and if it would be safe to refill--does she have a filter of some sort? Also I hope that she has some cooking pots for the mac and cheese, but a small camping stove would also help. It doesn't seem like an easy task to 1. build a hot fire in a strange forest and 2. to actually set it up so that a meal could be cooked over it. And then Cass should be smart enough not to just go to sleep with a roaring fire! Even if it's in a circle of rocks and probably dying out, she would probably take the time to put it out with some water or dirt.
On the dream bit: Woah, everything is purple/violet! It seems to have some kind of significance, but now it's popping up everywhere, so I don't know what the significance might be. It's a pretty cool segment, but if it's another of Aldonius's memories... well, the last one Cass had was pretty recent, with Aldonius going to Telorum, so is this one recent as well? Or is it past? I can't quite tell, though I'm leaning towards recent. Should be interesting for Cass when she gets to Telorum.
Overall, it was an interesting chapter. I did have my issues with the hiking and camping, but other than that Cass's journey is pretty plain. As Pan mentioned, some more detail there would be great, but you do set a good atmosphere and broad image. It sounds like the landscape is getting stranger and wilder and more lovely as Cass goes on!
The dream bit is also really cool, and I'm interested in the implications of the fallen actually just falling somewhere and other people having to deal with that.
Shooting stars were not meant to be her responsibility.
Do they call the fallen shooting stars, or could she (Aldonius?) not tell that it was one of the fallen? Also, if it's not her (his?) responsibility, whose is it? Is anyone responsible?
Anyway, I've had a lot of fun reading your story and look forward to reading more!
-Q
Points: 5966
Reviews: 498
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