Hiya again - Mage!? It's going to take a little while to get used to that...
Small Comments
The moment after Cass spoke, silence fell upon the room. Her grip on the locket tightened. She knew that she had said the right thing – she had had enough of people judging for things out of her control. But the courage that had come with her exhaustion was beginning to ebb away as quickly as it had arrived. She kept her eyes focused on Nebris, letting Lira and Aspen fade into the background behind her. She could already predict what their reactions would be. Lira would be confused; they still hadn't had the opportunity to explain what they had learned from Aldonius. Aspen would be shocked, at least, and possibly even just as frightened as Cass felt now.
Nebris wasn't as easy to understand. She barely knew him. And when his gaze dropped down from her face to the locket she clutched tightly in her hand, she began to understand that she couldn't be as quick to trust new people as she had been back in her little hometown.
This all feels a little long-winded. I've mentioned how you spend too much time explaining Cass's thought processes, and this is one of the occasions where it's just not necessary. I'd rather you just described what the reactions are rather than what she thinks they'll be - and keep it concise. It's supposed to be a tense moment, but meandering will take the wind from the scene's sails.
“N-No.”
Nebris thought over for it for a minute.
A minute is far too long for a silence in the middle of a conversation. A few seconds would do.
“I don't,” she admitted. Shenervouslyshifted her weight from one foot to another.
Pretty obvious that she's nervous.
“I haven't heard of him before,” Nebris said
So before every contract is made, the people that will eventually make it together both start getting each other's memories in the form of dreams.
This was a little clunky to read; I had to look over it a few times before I got what you were saying. Something like 'the people involved start getting each other's memories' would probably be clearer.
Also, side note, but it seems beyond messed up that contracted people don't get a choice in whether they start sharing their contracted's memories. That's a hell of a thing to put on someone without their consent, so I hope somebody draws attention to that at some point.
What had her contracted been through that would make their memories so painful?
Case in point - folks have enough sadness in their own lives without being forced to take on another person's.
“I have to go, Lira. I'm sorry, but I have to go do...godly things.”
On the one hand, this is the funniest line in the story so far and I absolutely love it, but on the other, it...doesn't really feel like the moment for humour? Lira is clearly really upset and Nebris is hiding something important, but putting the joke here removes some of the tension. Some darlings have to be killed, unfortunately, but it's up to you.
Cass awkwardly stood silently near her
Too many adverbs in this clause - it just feels clunky to read.
Cass looked up at Lira's face.
The other girl was crying.
'The other girl' makes it sound like you're talking about somebody other than Lira. Just change it to 'she'. Lira's the last person referenced, so I don't think the reader will be confused about you mean.
[...] tried her best to give the reassuring smile that Aspen always gave her when Lira stared over at her with red, tear-filled eyes.
The structure here is too ambiguous. It sounds like you're talking about a specific smile that Aspen uses only when Lira is crying, which is a bizarre image and obviously not the one you intended for. If you changed it to something like this:
[...] tried her best to give the reassuring smile that Aspen always gave her. Lira stared over at her with red, tear-filled eyes.
Then you remove the confusion.
Overall Thoughts
I really enjoyed this chapter overall. Aside from the slightly slow first two paragraphs, you paced it well, and I love the mystery surrounding Nebris and whether he is or isn't Lira's contracted. I can't figure out why he'd keep the truth from her if he was her contracted - but I can't figure out why he'd keep the truth from her is he wasn't, either, so it's anyone's game. I like Blue's theory about him not being her contracted and being upset about it. That would be really cool, even if it still doesn't explain his secrecy. Unless her contracted is some kind of fallen, or a god he doesn't trust? Maybe he thinks he's protecting her by withholding the truth.
I did find it interesting that Lira didn't even know about contracts, though I guess it makes sense because they don't seem like common occurrences. Or they don't seem like they should be common occurrences. The fact that the three main cast members all have contracteds is skewing my perspective on the phenomenon somewhat - I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about that.
I'm also surprised that neither Cass, Aspen or Lira have yet raised the question of why a god would make a contract in the first place. They seem pretty human in how they interact and understand the world, but they've also got the powers and abilities you'd expect from deities. What do they need a mortal for?
The deal with Aldonius is a whole other mystery, as well, because Nebris obviously knows who he is, even if he's pretending not to. I'm not going to lie, I really hope that Aldonius turns out to be a morally grey/villainous character, because it would be beyond cool for the hero to have an emotional link to the antagonist. But something tells me that Aldonius isn't a bad guy, even if Nebris freaked out when he was mentioned. I like the uncertainty of all this, though. It's great being able to try and puzzle it out.
I think that's all for this one! Hope it helped and sorry for the delay.
Keep writing!
~Pan
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