Hi Mage! I might be here to check some things off of my checklist challenge
Can I just say, this is such a warm, feel-good poem? It also makes me hungry for some barbequed salmon, because that is the best.
I'm not in a super critique-y mood at the moment, so I think this will mostly be a reaction to the writing + pointing out what I find effective. Having said that I'm gonna get my one critique out of the way now! So the one thing that I'm a bit iffy about is some of the enjambment - in some places, it works really nicely but in others I think altering the line breaks a little would make it stronger. Having some parts that flow more smoothly will make the more "broken" parts stand out more and be more noticeably, whereas right now pretty much everything is "broken" so that loses its effect slightly.
For example, the second stanza:
it's the reminder to look for
bones as you're handed the plate
with a napkin carefully folded
and tucked underneath.
I think moving "bones" to the first line, and "folded" to the last line, would make it even better:
it's the reminder to look for bones
as you're handed the plate
with a napkin carefully
folded and tucked underneath.
I don't really have a huge amount of logic for this, -> "look for bones" feels like one phrase that goes together, as does "folded and tucked" (and that also emphasizes "carefully").
(The only other part that I feel like could use some line-break fiddling is the third stanza. I do really like the enjambment in the first and last stanzas!)
Anyway with that done, onto my reactions / stuff I found effective!
I really like how you open right away with comparing love to food ~ and also I like that you chose to not use a comparing word such as "like" or "as" (so a metaphor instead of a simile I think, if English class hasn't deserted me!). It makes it feel more direct, if that makes sense?
The tone throughout is really consistent, grateful & happy & cozy, and it works really well that you start the poem with a warmth-related word ("steaming") and end it with another ("hot"). It adds to the cozy mood nicely. (Also this poem feels a bit like a hug? which is amazing)
(Wait okay I lied, I have one more extremely small critique/suggestion, which is that I'm not sure how I feel about "nuclear". I totally get that it has two meanings, but my brain automatically goes to atomic-bomb sort of nuclear, not close-knit. Actually maybe something like "close-knit" would work? I just feel like that matches the rest of the poem better. But that is just an opinion so if you like how "nuclear" is working that's totally okay too!)
Anyway! Along hug-related lines, I love that you've written in second person so it's addressed to the read ~ it really pulls them in and makes it feel personal.
Also there's something I love about the "reminder to look for bones" idea in the second stanza. It's so, mundane, or something, just such a little detail, but it depicts how caring the narrator's (mother? father?) is, really well.
Overall, a really cute, happy, feel-good poem that I enjoyed reading. It made me reflect on how loving and wonderful my family is <3
Whoops this review is a bit all over the place, but I hope it's still useful! Happy #RevMo !
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