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Young Writers Society



love is a steaming plate of freshly cooked salmon

by Mageheart


love is a steaming plate
of freshly cooked salmon
with a side of oven-warmed
sweet potatoes and
fresh squash taken
from an overflowing garden.

it's the reminder to look for
bones as you're handed the plate
with a napkin carefully folded
and tucked underneath.

your mother knows
that you'd be sitting
on the porch with
the rest of your nuclear family
if you could-

but she also
knows how badly
you want to join
the online poetry party
you put in the family calendar
the moment you heard about it.

and everyone knows
that salmon
tastes best hot.


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455 Reviews


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Sun Sep 13, 2020 12:48 am
Hijinks wrote a review...



Hi Mage! I might be here to check some things off of my checklist challenge (:

Can I just say, this is such a warm, feel-good poem? It also makes me hungry for some barbequed salmon, because that is the best.

I'm not in a super critique-y mood at the moment, so I think this will mostly be a reaction to the writing + pointing out what I find effective.

Having said that I'm gonna get my one critique out of the way now! So the one thing that I'm a bit iffy about is some of the enjambment - in some places, it works really nicely but in others I think altering the line breaks a little would make it stronger. Having some parts that flow more smoothly will make the more "broken" parts stand out more and be more noticeably, whereas right now pretty much everything is "broken" so that loses its effect slightly.

For example, the second stanza:

it's the reminder to look for
bones as you're handed the plate
with a napkin carefully folded
and tucked underneath.

I think moving "bones" to the first line, and "folded" to the last line, would make it even better:
it's the reminder to look for bones
as you're handed the plate
with a napkin carefully
folded and tucked underneath.

I don't really have a huge amount of logic for this, -> "look for bones" feels like one phrase that goes together, as does "folded and tucked" (and that also emphasizes "carefully").
(The only other part that I feel like could use some line-break fiddling is the third stanza. I do really like the enjambment in the first and last stanzas!)

Anyway with that done, onto my reactions / stuff I found effective!

I really like how you open right away with comparing love to food ~ and also I like that you chose to not use a comparing word such as "like" or "as" (so a metaphor instead of a simile I think, if English class hasn't deserted me!). It makes it feel more direct, if that makes sense?

The tone throughout is really consistent, grateful & happy & cozy, and it works really well that you start the poem with a warmth-related word ("steaming") and end it with another ("hot"). It adds to the cozy mood nicely. (Also this poem feels a bit like a hug? which is amazing)

(Wait okay I lied, I have one more extremely small critique/suggestion, which is that I'm not sure how I feel about "nuclear". I totally get that it has two meanings, but my brain automatically goes to atomic-bomb sort of nuclear, not close-knit. Actually maybe something like "close-knit" would work? I just feel like that matches the rest of the poem better. But that is just an opinion so if you like how "nuclear" is working that's totally okay too!)

Anyway! Along hug-related lines, I love that you've written in second person so it's addressed to the read ~ it really pulls them in and makes it feel personal.

Also there's something I love about the "reminder to look for bones" idea in the second stanza. It's so, mundane, or something, just such a little detail, but it depicts how caring the narrator's (mother? father?) is, really well.

Overall, a really cute, happy, feel-good poem that I enjoyed reading. It made me reflect on how loving and wonderful my family is <3

Whoops this review is a bit all over the place, but I hope it's still useful! Happy #RevMo !

whatcha


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Thu Jul 23, 2020 1:05 pm
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steffenate wrote a review...



Steffenate here, here is my review.

No issues with punctuation and the structure of the poem.
From my analysis its pretty tongue in cheek and childlike, it reminds of a scene of image that you would find in a Studio Ghibli film.
Words like 'steaming', 'overflowing' and 'over-warmed' bring about a feeling of comfort and coziness.

'everyone knows
that salmon
tastes best hot'
A very sweet ending to a sweet poem. Not much needs to be said, the simplicity is what I like about this poem :)




Mageheart says...


Hi, steffenate!

This reply is definitely belated, but I love writing replies to reviewers. :)

I really love how you described the poem. I've never thought I could write something Studio Ghibli-esque, but your review makes me want to do more poems like it!

Thank you for reviewing. <3



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Tue Jul 21, 2020 2:18 am
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Riverlight wrote a review...



Hey, Magebird! It's Vilnius with a review.

I really loved this poem! It's gt a nice vibe about it, and it almost makes me wanna eat some fish!

(Almost. I'm a chicken person myself. XD)

It seems... not childish, but younger because... I don't know. I mean, you're a veteran here, and I'm a squishy newbie-- maybe I'm automatically placing you about a million years above me without realizing it. *shrugs*

I feel that your poem flowed pretty well, and it reminded me why I should be joining family dinners instead of reading detailed articles and writing all of the time, even if it's more fun and interesting.

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]! You're awesome!




Mageheart says...


Thank you for your review! I'm really glad you liked my poem - it was a simpler one, so I was worried it wouldn't be received as well. <3

Also, definitely don't think of me that way! I'm only nineteen, and I'll have only been on the site for five years this September.

Which is technically a long time, but there's definitely people who have been on here for a lot longer.

I'm also pretty new to consistently writing poetry, so I wonder if that has something to do with the younger feeling of the poem?



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Sat Jul 18, 2020 11:14 pm
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Dragonthorn says...



and everyone knows
that salmon
tastes best hot.


I don't have enough energy to review, but I love that. :D




Mageheart says...


That's definitely my favorite set of lines in this poem, too.

Also, thank you for your comment!



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Sat Jul 18, 2020 12:38 am
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alliaria says...



As someone who cooks for people to show them I love them, this hits hard. You did a really great job communicating the care and comfort that comes with a home-cooked meal. Well done!




Mageheart says...


Awww, thank you! I'm glad you liked my poem. <3




Lily you are my fig father
— Elliebanana