We face all kinds of hardships. Many of you reading this have experienced one or more times when you felt at your lowest point in life. You felt helpless, hopeless, void of feelings. It seemed that your soul had been separated from your body and you were insensitive to everything.
Failure is one of the greatest hurts mankind has ever felt. It gnaws at your pride and self dignity. For fear of criticism you hide it in the dark recesses of your mind. You place barriers around yourself, and no ones words of encouragement are able to pierce those walls. You feel unworthy to everyone, and the greatest fear is to have others shun you. They call you names, they belittle you, they trample on you like a stampede of horses. They eat you with their venomous words, chew you with their teeth of disapproval, and then spit you out salivating of sarcasm.
It's worse when your own family has expectations of you. When you leave the house they look at you with faces of hope, beaming with pride that you are about to make them proud. But gossip spreads faster than fire, and soon you find yourself to be the black sheep among the family. A sheep who has lost his path and the shepherd has given up on finding it.
Incompetence leads to failure, and you feel that you can't do anymore. Your own self esteem has crumbled, and all that remains is the reminder of your mistake. It's torturous and you feel your insides churning and your guts threatening to spill out. You begin to think your end has come.
Failure is a killer of ambitions and dreams, yes.
But failure births success.
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139,295 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
This is really pretty and moving, and I loved reading it! It painted a vivid picture in my mind, and it was honest yet imaginative. One line I loved in particular was "They eat you with their venomous words, chew you with their teeth of disapproval, and then spit you out salivating of sarcasm." This peice is something that everyone can relate to.
I found the line "A sheep who has lost his path and the shepherd who has given up on finding it." a little confusing. I agree that the line "Failure births success" could have used a bit more proof. Other than that, it is really good!
really really really beautiful what you have write specially the part of "the look of your parents", I was thinking in the same thing today and you have right 100% , failure can destroy us but we should let our failure births our success. It really nice
Hey Lycando! I'm going to try to give you a review that can match one of your's in caliber. I'm going to start with an overall critique, then I'll give you a paragraph by paragraph review. I hope it's helpful!
This piece has a lot going for it. You use great description, and you pin the feelings dead on. There are some parts where you over use articles, we'll get to those in the rest of the review. I also would've liked to see something supporting the statement 'But failure births success.' That would add a lot of substance to the piece, and it'd leave the reader more impacted. Another thing, you may want to consider writing this in present tense. It's popular to write inspirational pieces in present tense because the reader feels more active and involved.
Your topic sentence is great. It's nice and short, and it tells us what we're getting into. The second line of this paragraph felt a little redundant when you say 'one or more times'. I think you'd be well off to make that sentence more compact. I really loved that last sentence! That was some awesome description. Don't forget to use your hooks, lead us into the next paragraph. A sentence at this end of this paragraph giving us just a small taste of what's ahead keeps the reader moving.
Don't forget the hyphen in 'self-dignity'. Then again, 'self-dignity' is a little redundant. You may want to just say 'dignity'. Don't forget you apostrophe in 'ones' because you are showing ownership. The last few lines were awesome! You used very powerful, active description.
'It's' shouldn't have an apostrophe. It's one of those weird rules that are hard to get used to. Just remember, 'it's' is a contraction for 'it is', and 'its' is a sign of ownership. This paragraph is one of my favorites. Just watch out, in that second line you say, 'that you are about to make them proud.' I would say 'because' instead of 'that'. It seems more natural there. I love the last two lines, but I feel like the 'be' is unnecessary between 'to' and 'the'. The last line is awesome.
The next paragraph is incredible! It's really well written, and wrought with emotion. It's also very natural. Not much I can say there. Good job!
Great job Lycando! Just remember to watch out for those awkward apostrophe rules. If I were you, I'd also try and support the last point, it would really add impact to the piece. Keep up the good work, and keep up the reviewing streak!