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Young Writers Society



Run

by Lycando


I ran, not looking back. Through the trees I ran, and I never stopped. I wanted only to go forwards, and I didn't want to turn back. My legs were badly scrapped by branches and sweat was dripping from every pore of my body. Even in the dead of night, it still felt as hot as summer.

I was running from a man whom was my worst nightmare. Being in his presence itself was a mental torture for me. His devilish contorted face was full of burn marks and his laugh was hysterical and threatened to break the sound barrier. His skin was icy cold and his old bony hands were like that of a skeleton's. He was a looming figure over me, and my fear for him was unmatched. His name was Professor Blem. I had always feared him since I met him. He made me turn into a mouse each time he came near. When he left it was only for moments before he returned.

I continued to run through the thick undergrowth, my pace slowly decreasing. I was exhausted, I wanted to give up. I wanted to end this all and start again but I couldn't. Professor Blem wouldn't give me that chance. No, he was far more cruel than that. He would make me suffer a thousand times more if I chose to end it all right here. I would feel the guilt and remorse towards my family. I felt bad for keeping Professor Blem away from them. I ddin't want them to worry, I didn't want them to lose sleep over night over this. This was something I wanted to handle on my own.

Professor Blem's voice still rang out like a broken record in the silence of the night. His footsteps could always be heard, his voice broke the silence in the tranquility of the place.

"Daaaanniielllll, doon't ruuuunnn"

His voice always seemed to get nearer and louder. It never seemed to go away. Suddenly Professor Blem appeared in front me, like a wizard who could transport himself anywhere at will.

He looked me in the eye, and fear seemed to come out from his eyes and into mine. I stood there, muscles seemingly paralysed and my mouth dry and constricted. My pupils become dilated and my face turned into a white sheet. I was like a frozen mannequin, my mind wasn't in control of my body any more.

Professor Blem leaned in close to me, and I got even more terrified. I started shaking on the spot, my arms and legs making short jerky movements, my breathing came in short bursts and my heart felt as if it might tear itself out of me.

“Daniel,” he whispered in my ear, his icy breath piercing the skin of my ear. “You can run from me all you want, but you can never hide.”

I looked at him, his eyes were still the same after all these years. His hands were still bony and his fingers still looked liked talons instead. He never seemed to change, he never seemed to go away either. I remember when he first came, he was a small part of my life. I didn't care about him, I brushed him aside. He was at that period a speck of dust in my life. A part of me which I didn't care about even though I needed to. It was soon after that he made himself more prominent in my life. He started involving himself in my affairs. He started placing himself in my circle of friends. He stuck to me constantly, he became a pest. It became worst, he started to abuse me. He started beating me and strangling me if I refused to talk to him. He transformed into a monster that would hunt me till I died.

Then I decided I had enough. I snuck out of the house in the dead of the night, and I ran. But Professor Blem was smart, and he knew what I had planned. He followed me, and he was persistent. He chased me everywhere, and never stopped. Finally he had caught up.

But it felt different this time. I felt oddly calm after the sudden surge in fear had passed. I felt strangely comfortable around Professor Blem. I felt used to him being around me. I wasn't afraid of him anymore, to me he was just another pest that I wanted nothing more than get rid of.

I looked him in the eye, and his expression changed. He seemed surprise that the buy whom he had struck fear in for such a long time was now staring him in the face without so much as a sweat.

“I'm not afraid of you any longer, get out of my way.”

Professor Blem looked back at me, and then I saw in his eyes, something that I had never seen in him. In fact given how he had acted before, I thought it was impossible. He had fear in his eyes. Then he ran, far away from me. I knew he wouldn't turn back, I knew he wouldn't return. He was gone from my life.

And he wasn't coming back.

A/N: This story tells the story of a boy trying to run away from Professor Blem, which if you managed to figure out, means problems. I wrote this on the basis of trying to run away from our problems but in the end we have to stand up and face them. :) Hope you enjoyed it!


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181 Reviews


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Tue Jan 08, 2013 12:48 am
JohnLocke1 wrote a review...



Very interesting story idea. However, I felt as though it was very fast. I wanted to hear more about what Professor Blem, which is a fantastic name, did to this poor fellow to instill such fear in him. Also, why is the narrator with Professor Blem? How did they meet? Although it may have been your intention to leave those details out, they could very well help to keep your story from venturing too far out of the realm of reality. Facts means reality and readers do not like to be taken away from reality unless they are reading a fantasy.

Overall, this was a very good story with a very good message. You must always confront your problems. Otherwise, they continue to taunt you into submission. Keep me posted. Happy Writing!




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Sun Jan 06, 2013 5:04 pm
freedomgirl wrote a review...



you have right my friend and it's true in this life if we don't face our problems it will hunts us untill it kills us, we need to be brave and strong and in this story i felt that "professor Blem" was a symbol of our problems that we are afraid from facing it because we think that we are weak and we can't fight but the second we stand up and have the courage to at least try ,we find out that every problem has a solution if we fight it and put the fear away .......really good story my friend, i really like your way of descriping your fear and your thoughts .




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Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:41 pm
Maddymayhem wrote a review...



First off, I like the name of the professor. Pro. Blem. It made me laugh a little bit. I also really enjoy the plot of this story. The sequence of events isn't confusing and you know what is happenening. I also enjoyed the end, where it is no longer Daniel who is scared, but the professor.
One thing I would liked to have see happen would be to get more on Daniel's appearance. What does he look like? I think it would help envision him while he is running through the forest. Another think that I think would be good would be to develop both characters. Tell us about who they are.
~Maddy




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Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:27 pm
Annii wrote a review...



Hi,

Ok, so aside from a couple of grammatical things that I'm sure you'd probably pick up on if you read through it (that should be those, whom should be who...that kind of thing) I liked the theme that you used here, and especially towards the end the theme became really apparent when the professor gets scared.

I also liked the description you used in the ending ;).

One thing that would have been good, particularly at the beginning would be for you to make Professor Blem a lot more of a presence. If he signifies problems, that implies that he is something or someone that should be a lot more...villainous. I think you could achieve this by going through, particularly the first three paragraphs and rephrasing bits and adding bits in to make it a lot more tense and perhaps explain a little of why, within the story, the boy's trying to run away from the professor. Like, what would happen if the prof. caught up with him.

Overall though, a really good read :D




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Sun Jan 06, 2013 3:49 pm
Blink wrote a review...



Hello. :)

Firstly, in the way of nitpicks:

I was running from a man whom was my worst nightmare.

Should be "who". Who is always the subject, while whom is always the object.

There were a few other minor mistakes, I think, but they weren't very important - just be sure to read through it a few times. ;)

Anyway! So it's a nice theme that you have running through here, and a simple message well worth repeating. However, I do feel as though your style doesn't quite match the story - your pace is all over the place!

This especially applies to your first couple of paragraphs - they contain a lot of long sentences with lots of grammar which really slows down the flow, and when the character is running ideally you want to reflect that through, perhaps, choppy sentences. Imagine that you're in the character's mind - what do you see? If you're being chased by someone who terrifies you, would you really be thinking about the temperature or the time of day? Or making comparisons between the volume of someone's voice and the sound barrier? Add to that the amount of adjectives you use - they can really slow down what would otherwise be a very tense scene.

So I guess the biggest problem is that I, as a reader, feel very detached from your character. His actions don't feel animated by the piece's slow flow, and I have no idea why he suddenly decided to stand up to Professor Blem. This, to me, seems like the crucial part of the story, which if left unexplained undermines your message for people to stand up - you don't give them a reason! Use your protagonist for that purpose.

So I hope that helped! Let me know if anything in the review is unclear. :)

Best of luck!
-Mark




Lycando says...


I was trying to bring the reader more into the characters thoughts and feelings. Thus the lengthy sentences. I do realise now that I re read it the pace seems uneven. This was a last minute work and I didn't really re read it to smoothen the piece out. Thanks for the feedback though!



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Sun Jan 06, 2013 2:06 pm
shulchan wrote a review...



This is really good! Most of the time I get bored after the first paragraph or so but you kept me leaning forward in my seat, wanting to know more.

I think you should describe the setting more, so I can get a better idea of where he is. You said there's trees, so I'm assuming it's a forest, but you could give a little more detail. Is it night or day?

I think this sentence "I had always feared him since I met him." would flow better if you said "I had feared him for as long as I had known him."

Overall, I think this was great. It's very well written and I love how you incorporated a moral into the story.
Keep writing!




Lycando says...


Thanks! Will take into account what you said!




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