Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Fantasy


The New Generation--Chapter 20: Home

by erilea


     "Father, we are quite serious. Erebus is--not dead, but unable to fight." 

     Leia watched Hades's face change. First it was incredulity, then pride. Now it was a look of confusion that Leia did not quite trust to let them out of the Underworld.

     "I see." The very two words sent fear through her bones, and Leia thought that the case was hopeless. At least--at least my father made it out of the Underworld.

     "Normally, I would refuse. But the situation is unusual indeed. My granddaughter before me, asking me to leave; a group of puny demigods who defeated Erebus; normally, I would refuse, but you can deduce that this is not a normal circumstance. Very well."

     Bianca smiled in relief, and Leia just about hugged her--but Bianca's face was tight and drained. I'll wait, Leia decided, and settled for a consoling grin at her friend.

     "Awesome!" Festus was dancing, his shoes making loud taps on the dark floor. "Thank you, Lord Hades! I really appreciate this and all. I--"

     "Enough!" Hades frowned. "I was already gracious in letting your father return to life. Do not stress my patience further, Valdez."

     Festus stopped. "I, uh, understand." 

     "And Leia Jackson." The ruler of the Underworld glanced at her the way he would at a mound of dirt. "You do perhaps remember the way your parents escaped my kingdom?"

     "Yes, Lord Hades. They obtained three pearls and used them to get away."

     He rubbed his chin in amusement. "It is only fitting, then."

     She watched with surprise as Hades opened his hand and produced five pearls out of thin air. They were luminescent and a strange shade of green, drawing Leia's eyes to them. "All you have to do is place them beneath your feet and step on them. They will carry you to your fitted destination."

     "Alright, then." Leia breathed deeply. "On the count of three. One, two, three--!"

     They stepped on the pearls and were immediately encased in a ball of light the same color as the pearls. Leia felt unbalanced and wobbly, and the last thing she saw was Hades waving up at them, his palace tinted green.

     "Oof!" Sammy fell on the ground hard, and Leia followed. Her arm felt bruised from landing on it, but she propped herself up and looked around. They were back at Camp Half-Blood, campers staring at them like they had appeared out of nowhere.

     Oh, right...

     "We come in peace!" Festus shouted, brushing the dirt off of his clothes. 

     "It's just us!" Silena yelled at the same time. The campers began moving again, whispering to one another. Some looked ecstatic. Money passed between hands, as if they had bet on the group's survival.

     "Leia!" Her parents broke through the crowd and ran towards her. Her vision swam as Leia ran to hug them. She hadn't realized how much she had missed them.

     Breaking away from Annabeth and Percy, Leia scanned the camp and saw her friends receiving the same welcome. Bianca smiled faintly, looking around at her surroundings. Silena was talking to her parents, presumably about the quest. Happiness was all around them, rising into the air and the sunlight.

     "Welcome home!" Chiron shouted, galloping towards them, and the campers all cheered.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1080 Reviews


Points: 125
Reviews: 1080

Donate
Thu Dec 29, 2016 10:48 am
Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Kaos here, jumping in for a review!

At first I thought that this was a crossover with Star Wars and Percy Jackson and I found out that it was just a Percy Jackson fanfiction soon enough. Jumping straight into this chapter, it's quite short which is something that I don't mind. We see that this is mostly dialogue between the characters and that it's more of a calmer chapter and the aftermath rather than having some action scene. I enjoyed that about it and it does well at being a calmer chapter though I didn't really feel that too much of the plot progressed throughout the chapter.

The pacing of this chapter is something that I disliked as we go from Hades to them already getting back to the camp and the pacing did feel fast in that way. I would have liked to see more from when they actually got back to the camp, or perhaps that goes on in the next chapter. The Hades scene also felt a little abrupt in that we don't really get anything outside of the dialogue.

I suggest adding in descriptions and imagery that are atmospheric and describe the surroundings. I would also suggest adding more than just dialogue tags and making your characters more than just talking heads which is something that you start to do but I would like to note that body language is a big part of communication and it's more than just verbal communication. The dialogue isn't something that I really minded and it fits that it's Percy Jackson fanfiction (I've read the books, not the most fond of them ever), it's light like it should be though.

I hope I helped and have a great day!




User avatar
802 Reviews


Points: 18884
Reviews: 802

Donate
Mon Dec 19, 2016 11:22 pm
View Likes
Dracula wrote a review...



Don't be sorry for tagging me so much! I honestly love your Rick Riordan fanfictions. Sure, they might not be Shakespeare, but neither is Uncle Rick's writing. You capture the characters' personalities, thoughts, hopes, dreams and fears perfectly. You create your own characters who feel like they fit into an official story like jigsaw pieces. You take us back to Camp Halfblood -the same CHB we adore- and all over the Olympian world. You've done an amazing job and don't apologise for it!

He rubbed his chin in amusement. "It is only fitting, then." This line rings with nostalgia. The whole chapter, really. It was a very sweet ending, I only wish it was longer! Please add another chapter with a reward ceremony or something like that, or just Chiron making a speech about their adventures over dinner. I can absolutely imagine a TV show with this ending; the heroes coming home, campers cheering... but I feel like a novel needs a little bit more. An epilogue, even? It's up to you, but this has been a great read either way. :D




erilea says...


You're too nice. XD



User avatar
802 Reviews


Points: 18884
Reviews: 802

Donate
Mon Dec 19, 2016 11:21 pm
View Likes
Dracula says...



Okay, all fixed. Someone can go ahead and delete this. :D




Dracula says...


Oops, I posted this as a comment. *is meant to be a review*




Light griefs are loquacious, but the great are dumb.
— Seneca