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Hi darling

I noticed you're still in the green room like I am so I thought I'd pop by and give my thoughts.


I love this. My favorite part is the last two lines and I think that's the reason I like this poem so much because those last two lines just SPEAK to me and idk man.

The first stanza though, somehow for me falls short. There's something missing for me. The wording of "you remember" and "your love" just throws me off because I feel like one of the you's shouldn't be there. That it should be "I remember" or "he remembers" or "she"; or "his love" "their love" "its love".... etc. Idk, the repeating of you just makes me think you're talking about remembering the love you had for yourself but somehow that doesn't fit and it just leaves me a very confused sizzle.

I feel like there should be a full stop after bold. or a dash or something (you know how I love my dashes ). The only reason is if the narrator is actually coming to, then it would stop them in the middle of a thought, sort of? So it would be like "shamelessly bold-- you revive". To me I'm imagining someone sipping their tea and getting lost in their thoughts to the point they just drop their cup, which pulls them out of their day dream.

"a broken tea glass". I've never heard of a 'tea glass'. Is it an actual thing? Or did you mean it to mean tea cup? Regardless, I feel like it would work better as something along the lines of broken, tea soaked, china" or something like that. idk man.

I feel like the next line is where you need to tie in that other person from the first line. Say if you chose to say "you remember the way his love smiled" then this line would become "his love preferred the cheap and fast". It just kind of ties it all together, because right now the two stanzas look like separate poems.


I wish you had expanded on this just a tinnnnyyyy bit more. I adore it as is, but I feel like there's something there if you just tug on it a bit. As always, beautiful work.

ilu
sizzle

Interesting.... so what I'm taking away from this is, the person who love the speaker and who smiled with teeth so bold, was "more bark than bite". She/he was more about the flash and the drama, but had little depth to her/his personality otherwise?

Vivid, crisp language. I loved imagining the soft texture of the dark lips, the scary teeth bared, the sardonic grin, and the shards of glass with golden tea pouring all over the rocks.

Perhaps there's a clue in the title: usually one drinks alcohol (something harder than tea) on the rocks... to drink something so mild as chamomile tea on the rocks suggests a fundamentally over-cautious personality, someone more concerned with image and style and form, rather than substance?

Very thought-provoking.

I HATE YOU IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE.