Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Well, I liked the sentiment of the poem and the brevity also helped in its potency, but overall, I didn't really *enjoy* it as much. I'll try to explain as best I can, without seeming obnoxious.
The punctuation was what irked me the most. The poem itself had a nice flow, and 'smooth' feel to it - well, how I read it, that is - but due to your lack of punctuation how I read it and how someone else reads it will be two completely different things. For someone else it may not be much of an issue, but for me, it definately is. For example, the first lines: "I do have to admit / I have thought about us." when read quickly, loses some of the potency of the words (to me, at least) but when the lines are slowed down with punctuation: "I do have to admit... / I have thought about us.", adds a power to the words, through understatement. All that was needed was an ellipsis to create this power.
This happens throughout the poem, and irks me every time that it does come up. However, I won't tell you that you're wrong, because you're not, you're perfectly within your artistic discretion to use grammar and punctuation as you feel fits to your words. However, for someone like me, it detracts the poem and negates the words slightly - mollifying the overall effect of the poem.
Points that I did like, however, are the ending and the admission that the narrator things about other people, as opposed to his/her true love - it adds an element of honesty to the poem (capturing the respect that the narrator has for his/her lover).
Hope that you don't find my review distasteful or offensive at all (it wasn't meant to be), I'm just trying to be objective and help ya!
Take care, and if you have any comments/qeuries about this review, my wall and inbox are always open!
The grammar was done like that on purpose because I wanted to used something called enjambment.
I truly enjoyed this. It was short, sweet and perfectly honest which was what I enjoyed most. The emotion here is not sweet and sally and I find nothing off putting about grammar. A more astute person might come along and point out a few errors I missed but as it stands from my point of view this is a perfectly sweet and well written piece. Bravo.
Many errors were added for emphasis anyway.
Thanks for the review.