Young Writers Society

Hello LovelyTeaRoses,

Firstly, well done! I really enjoyed reading this, the pureness and honesty of your words really helps make it powerful and emotive. I also like how you haven't tried too hard to sugarcoat everything, it's the honesty and truthfulness behind this that makes this meaningful and it's what forms a connection between the reader and the poem. I also found the language style really fitted the message of the poem, you've struck a perfect balance here between over-dramatizing and not writing powerfully enough and it's really effective when you read it. I also agree with what lilymoore said about the title, it's definitely effective and the originality of it helps makes it a real eye catcher. It's also very fitting for your topic, but doesn't reveal too much about the poem before the reader has a chance to read what you've written.

The only trouble I found was that in places you changed the subject really quickly without using some kind of link to connect the two lines together. I particularly noticed this near the start between lines three and four. I guess I kind of missed the connection between them and read them as separate sentences. You also did this again at the end of the poem, the last couplet appears a bit out of place, work on linking lines together more. It improves the flow of your poem and doesn't confuse the reader with what you're trying to say. Otherwise poetry can appear fleeting and avoiding, like you want to keep changing the subject because you can't continue exploring an idea. Concentrate on that next time and you'll notice your poetry appears more solid and the message is stronger.

My favourite part of this poem was the first four lines:

"Like when the last golden leaf on the tree falls to the ground
Only to be crushed underfoot,
An omen of the oncoming December,
Love is fleeting."

I thought the imagery was really powerful and I liked the strong introduction to your poem. It's snappy and straight to the point and it really entices the reader and makes them want to read more. Great job!

Overall, I really liked this. You are definitely a poet and it shows in your writing. It's so naturally written and anyone could read and enjoy this. I can't wait to read more from you. Send me a PM if you have any questions or comments about this review and let me know next time you write any more poetry I can't wait to read more from you! Keep up the awesome writing.

From EnchantedPanda <3

Hello LovelyTeaRoses,

Firstly, well done! I really enjoyed reading this, the pureness and honesty of your words really helps make it powerful and emotive. I also like how you haven't tried too hard to sugarcoat everything, it's the honesty and truthfulness behind this that makes this meaningful and it's what forms a connection between the reader and the poem. I also found the language style really fitted the message of the poem, you've struck a perfect balance here between over-dramatizing and not writing powerfully enough and it's really effective when you read it. I also agree with what lilymoore said about the title, it's definitely effective and the originality of it helps makes it a real eye catcher. It's also very fitting for your topic, but doesn't reveal too much about the poem before the reader has a chance to read what you've written.

The only trouble I found was that in places you changed the subject really quickly without using some kind of link to connect the two lines together. I particularly noticed this near the start between lines three and four. I guess I kind of missed the connection between them and read them as separate sentences. You also did this again at the end of the poem, the last couplet appears a bit out of place, work on linking lines together more. It improves the flow of your poem and doesn't confuse the reader with what you're trying to say. Otherwise poetry can appear fleeting and avoiding, like you want to keep changing the subject because you can't continue exploring an idea. Concentrate on that next time and you'll notice your poetry appears more solid and the message is stronger.

My favourite part of this poem was the first four lines:

"Like when the last golden leaf on the tree falls to the ground
Only to be crushed underfoot,
An omen of the oncoming December,
Love is fleeting."

I thought the imagery was really powerful and I liked the strong introduction to your poem. It's snappy and straight to the point and it really entices the reader and makes them want to read more. Great job!

Overall, I really liked this. You are definitely a poet and it shows in your writing. It's so naturally written and anyone could read and enjoy this. I can't wait to read more from you. Send me a PM if you have any questions or comments about this review and let me know next time you write any more poetry I can't wait to read more from you! Keep up the awesome writing.

From EnchantedPanda <3

Hello TeaRoses,
The names lilymoore and I'm here to give you a review. If you'll take it. Oh well, I'll just leave it here anyways.

Right off the bat, I'll say that your title is good. It caught my attention as I was browsing through the forums and I also think it matches the poem really well both in feel and in meaning.

As far as the poem goes, you have a pretty solid flow. There are a few hiccups here and there that I noticed like in the seventh line of the poem around the word "although" and in lines eleven and thirteen, both of which have a different flow then the rest of the poem.

But the strongest aspect of the poem is probably your imagery as you present the contrast between the relationship when it was in its high points and low piints.

Lastly, I wanted to compliment you on the line:

It’s the ending of slamming doors and coffee dates,
Sleeping on the couch and lazy mornings.

Hey LTR! I'm going to give your poem a quick review. I really enjoyed reading your poem, you made excellent use of the imagery, especially in the first half. Now then, on with the review!

I thoroughly enjoyed the first five lines. The pairing between line four and five is awesome. I can't really find anything to critique there.

Line six is good, but line seven doesn't make sense. It was hard to find meaning in this line, and you'd probably be better off editing it so the meaning behind it is more clear. Line eight, nine, and ten were some of my favorites. Ten is a bit of a cliche, but it's a cliche I like. Some of your readers may not appreciate it as much as I do, though.

Lines eleven through fifteen are great! The only line that seemed off to me was 'A bittersweet air fills the room as goodbyes are said.' This line is a little cumbersome compared to the rest. If you could compact it, it would read a little more easily.

As for fifteen through the end, those lines are great! There's not much to critique there.

i hope my review was helpful, LTR! Keep up the good work!