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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
You know, it's rather hard reviewing a poem that holds some extremely personal and ultimately upsetting material. After all, this wasn't written on a whim. There is a very unsubtle image given and story given that seems abrupt and to the point for a reason. Which is why this is something not easily critiqued.
Which is why I'm going to keep this review relatively small.
You see, my biggest problem with this piece lies solely on the fact that it bears its intentions so fully and without subtlety. You don't hold anything back. You say what you mean and you mean it, which doesn't always substitute poetry, and though there is most certainly an ache to this, it's not an ache divulged from words, but the very topic itself, which leads the reader to feel a little confused. After all, it's not really poetry, but you can't simply ignore the fact that it means something to the writer, and in which case opinions will either be fabricated in its favour, or witheld due to moral compunction.
Unfortunately, I'm not altogether the type to hold any information. And with that in mind, I'll tell you straight up that I'm not altogether a fan of this as a poem. A dedication, maybe. A speech of some format to be read and to remember would be more realistic for how this came across. And in which case, I'm quite sorry for being abrupt on the subject.
My suggestion at this point would be to look at this as what it is. An abbreviated speech that could be the base point for a strong and interesting poem, if extrapolated on. But that, of course, is quite up to you.
I suggest colouring your tone. Adding emphasis and imagery and metaphor. Enjambment will only get you so far, and in which case it might be the only poetic device you've used in this piece. So keep writing, and possibly expand on this. It has that ache quality due to the subject matter. Grow this.
If you need anything, I'm around.
~Walker
I really don't understand what you're trying to say. I think if you knew what I was talking about (the death of Dianna Wynne Jones) then your review might be different. It's a eulogy. It's not just dear to me, plenty of people have written about her death. She was one of the most influential fantasy writers of our time.
Are you trying to say this isn't poetry because it's straightforward and doesn't have poetic devices (which it does)? Are you in the right place to say this?
Actually yes, I quite understood. What I said was that you lacked poetic device. You said exactly what you mean't and you didn't try to do anything interesting. Do the the fact this poem is about death, it's hard to review it and sound relatively okay. And, of course, just because I didn't know who the fantasy writer was, it does not discredit the review any less.
You wrote a poem about someone's death. And, other than the enjambment and the ways you broke your lines apart, this could have been a simple paragraph. A eulogy that doesn't have to be a poem.
So why, then, is this poetry?
Because it is a poem. I believe you need to branch out in your knowledge of poetry because clearly someone has given you the wrong idea of what poetry is. It doesn't have to have poetic devices. It can be straightforward. Not every poem is flowery and full of metaphors.
I mean look at Billy Collins (who is the former poet laureate of the United States, a huge deal). He doesn't always use poetic devices and his stuff is still among the most popular poetry in the country.
You cannot decide what is and isn't poetry. That's not up to you because poetry can be anything.