Falling

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. I must start out by saying, i love your poems you write and the message that is held behind them. Also this poem also reminds me of a concrete poem since the shape/structure of is like the words are falling (in a sense.)

A few nitpicks about this poem:

Until my feet hit the ground
I ran far away, I think this stanza of this poem needs to changed. instead of saying -ran you should -run since (i think) this poem is in present tense. Also the stanza after that, is a little confusing to since you fell and all then your body is left on the ground. Just clear it up a little.

They only said i was wrong Who is "they"? If you could clear that up, maybe make more sense to whoever would read this. Also change -said to -say

Some might even say Change -might to -would.

I believe that every poem has its mistake and some poems also have its goods. I liked how there is a little end rhyming going on in bit and pieces example all small is a good example. This also reminds me of my friend too (she went through depression and still going through it today.)

Farewell,
CapitalMonday

I like the format of this poem. I like it whenever a poet tries to be creative with his or her work. When it comes to decoration, I'm a sucker for it. When it comes to this poem's content, I'm touched by the language you used to describe the narrator's emotion here. By the end of this poem, I'm shaking like a leaf. I'm sorry to leave this review short, but there's nothing really to discuss when it comes to critiquing. I love this poem, keep up the good work.

Hi, Lonely. This is Pinkie here for a review. Excuse me as I put on my glasses. *puts on pink glasses*

This poem is very creative. It is about you was going to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff. It expressed your feelings in this poem by using good wordings which it made this a sad poem to me. Also, I didn't see any nitpicks on here. Great Job, friend! You are a good poet which you should know. You did good job on this wonderful masterpiece. I enjoyed this poem a lot, good sir. I like to read more from you. Well, have a nice day!

Great Job!

Cheers

Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13

P.S: Welcome to YWS!

Hey,
So..I am here to do a review.What I felt reading your poem is this,that-You are quite simplistic in you approach,someone who believes in keeping things simple and spotless.Am I right....or am I Right?
Its a simple poem,depicting some loss you've had or the enstrangement you experienced and I really liked the way you kept it raw and unsophisticated.Its kinda unique,you know?

Just one thing-I definitely wanted this piece to be longer.Cos you left me wanting for more!
Keep writing!

YES! A simple poem!
Hello Lonely, I'm Mr. Powers. I'm gonna review your piece, entitled "Falling".

I hope that this doesn't signal any future, real-life events, because suicide is not the answer. Anyway, on to the actual review...

Even though it's simple, it packs quite a punch. In it, you (the speaker) jumps off a cliff(?) far away from home, in a suicide attempt. In the second stanza, you ponder what people think of you. Maybe you are a coward for offing yourself. And you just go ahead and agree with them. When I read the final stanza, I imagined you saying this while in free-fall. You question why nobody helped you through your depression, that you were wrong to jump. But even then, you still don't seem to care.

I read somewhere that about half of "jumpers" say that all the problems that led to their jumping was easily fixable. Of course, only surviving jumpers said this. But the speaker seemed so set on dying and such... it's quite a sad poem.

One note on the way it's set up. You've got three stanzas, each one further away than the last. I like this. I see it as the stanzas... "falling" out of the norm, falling to their deaths.

Keep up the writing, Lonely. Oh, and don't let your username become your personality here. All of us here at YWS would be more than glad to keep you company

Hey! Dawny here for a review!

Umm, how can this be depressing and beautiful at the same time? I love the way you wrote it, even if the meaning behind it is really bad. I love how you made the simplest words, and put them together to make them so impacting. Keep writing, your great at it!

Have a great day,

Dawny

I like the format, the slope gives your reasoning a shape. You start out stating raw fact, then explain how you were led by life to believe that the best outcome was none at all. Then you are resigned too your fate and decide to let go. I would suggest that you change "They only told me I was wrong" to something a little more descriptive. But besides that the structure is unique, and I like that the thought process is divided into three chunks. Good work, keep jt up.