Umbrella

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was...a really intriguing piece...I feel like there's something deep hidden inside of there that sounds like a really beautiful thing there...and the message its trying to deliver is really awesome too.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It's raining, it's pouring. The city lights light up the night to a dim shade of gray, but the rain makes it hard to see. The buildings colored in graffiti, the streetlights flickering, and the silence. I thought I was alone. Me and my torn umbrella.

I walked through the middle of the street, my head bowed trying to wish away the ruthless rain. I saw someone up ahead, so I walked a little faster, hoping to catch up. I did. I didn't say anything though. I couldn't shelter them from the rain with my torn umbrella. Me and my useless umbrella.

It had holes covering it's surface, so I kept it closed. That way, no one noticed the holes. I couldn't buy another umbrella either. Once you break the umbrella, it's your only one. It's the hand you were dealt in life, and you can't trade that out. Oh well. My umbrella protects me from that at least. Me and my friendly umbrella.

My torn umbrella can't shelter anyone completely. My useless umbrella isn't much of a shelter at all. My friendly umbrella is my only protection against what life throws at me. I might as well try to shelter other people though. Me and my torn umbrella.

I was pleasantly surprised by the hidden meaning I found in this story! I really like how you expressed something deeper using a simple object as a metaphor. The repetition is lovely, and almost made it seem like more of a poem. All in all, I don't think I see any errors. You beautifully conveyed a progression of feelings and thoughts while keeping it short and sweet.
And I love the ending! Great job!!

Oh, sorry about the leave me alone part. But you were lonely, so hello! Wisegirl22 at your service, giving praise from yours truly.

I really love the repetition of "Me and my _____ umbrella." It formatted the story really well, and fits into this short story great. I don't know if you meant to do this, but in the first line. I like how you copied the old child song, about the old man snoring. I really love this. Wait, one nitpick, and this is completely unnecessary: what's with all the one-word titles? Please answer my inexplicable plea.

Yours truly,
wisegirl22

I love this SOO SOOOOO SOOOOOOOOOO much. Right away, I just want to give you 10/10 because EVERYTHING was SOOOOOOOOOOO FANTASTIC. You have amazing talent and you wield it well. I love this soo much!!!!!
The imagery you provided was great; it really took me into the setting you described, and I could feel the cold rain pelting my shoulders and the warmth and shelter the umbrella provided. Then, as the story continued, I could feel the rain setting a chill down my bone because of the rain that dropped through its wear and tear holes.
This poem left me with shivers!
I love how you ended it. Love it, love it, love it! I absolutely am in awe of how you took all of the endings of how you described your umbrella and wrapped them into the ending. I loved how you explained that the only way to think of your umbrella that would actually help you was friendly, and yet you still ended on the note: Me and my torn umbrella.
This story really made me feel strong emotions and was really excellently written. You have a fan!
+1

I am in love with this story!
Anyway, lets get on with the review.

Storyline:
It's raining and this person is talking about how their umbrella is torn. I really liked all the metaphors you used for the umbrella, it representing the pasts of the main character. It's saying that everyone has an umbrella. Some have perfectly put together ones, others have torn and ripped ones. But you only get one so once that one is ruined, you're pretty much screwed. Its also like your body. you only get one body and you should take care of it, but once you ruin it with drugs or something, then you can't get another one. I really liked that metaphor.

I'm going to skip characters because there isn't much to say except that it was in first person.

Presentation:
The presentation was amazing. I mean phenomenal. I loved the whole thing. The language used was very good and I really enjoyed the dark and dreary tone. I also really enjoyed how it read almost like a poem.

Overall Enjoyment:
Overall I really enjoyed it. There were no major flaws that I could point out. I really liked it and it was a nice read. Keep up the good work and can't wait to read more from you.

The story here is both powerful and reflective. You adopt a poem-like approach to the way you tell the story which is admirable and well attempted. I as you are free to find out am no literary genius, but it does not take an expert to say what emotions are conveyed after reading a piece of work.

I hav read the previous reviews and applaud their insight spectacularly but for me to pick a piece of work apart line by line is a crime that should be committed only in a classroom. It is to see how good the skills of the reader are to decode, to examine and to dissect a piece of writing. However a review gives feedback directly to the writer and to readers to come and to do that effectively, emotions and an overall evaluation of the story are the most useful and constructive forms to achieve the appropriate response.

Writing a short story is no easy task, it is so easy to go wrong in a stage as early as developing an idea but you grasped a poet's approach to the way you have written it. Its flow is complimented by the repetitive nature of the, 'Me and my... umbrella'. It shows a talent for rhyme and structure throughout the story which can go terribly wrong within pros, but has been tackled and displayed fluently in this piece. The only criticism I would have relates not to your style but your lack of confidence. Please correct me if I am wrong but I feel you lack the confidence to allow your readers to take from the story what you intend them to take. Instead you specify clearly that the umbrella is metaphorical and the line, "If you haven't understood yet, I'm not talking about a real umbrella." removes the emotional insight of the story. Feel confident and certain that your readers will draw this conclusion for themselves and in doing so your story will be more graceful and intellectually teasing. Ambiguity is the key when creating a metaphorical object in a story or poem, ensure the reader questions their own judgement of whether they believe this umbrella is real or not. When you can make your audience question their own judgement, you have created a master piece, a feature of art.

Allo. Myndi here for a review.

First off, the beginning is great. I remembered the old rhyme my grandmother used to sing to me whenever it began raining outside. I think I'll just go in order of the piece instead of how I usually do it, so I'll go ahead and say that

The city lights light up the night to a dim shade of gray

The buildings colored in graffiti, the streetlights flickering, and the silence.

It had holes covering it's surface, so I kept it closed. That way, no one noticed the holes.

My torn umbrella can't shelter anyone completely. My useless umbrella isn't much of a shelter at all. My metaphorical umbrella is my only protection against what life throws at me.

Hey! IamTraunt here to review!

Nitpicks!

The buildings colored in graffiti, the streetlights flickering, and the silence.

I walked through the middle of the street, my head bowed trying to wish away the ruthless rain.

I might as well try to shelter other people though.