Clock is ticking,
Seconds easing.
Minutes passing,
Hours leaving.
Days are dying,
Weeks expire.
Months will perish,
Years will tire.
Time is fading,
And so am I.
Don't torture me,
Just let me die.
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139,533 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Hey Lonely! I'm here to review another one of your extremely simple, yet awesome and moving, works!
Okay, so I'm getting negative vibes from this poem. It's a very depressing piece, especially if you can see it's meaning. Here's how I interpreted it:
The poem is written from the point-of-view of a dying person. The dying speaker is addressing someone, and telling them to just leave him/her alone, to stop helping the speaker. Throughout the early and middle parts of the poem, the speaker is very gloomy, saying how time is running out in so many different ways.
As far as spelling and grammar goes, this is an A+ effort. I would have liked to see stanzas in this poem, but I assume there's a method to your madness, so...
Overall, I give this work a favorable review!
Thanks for the review! I can see why you interpreted the poem that way. The reason I didn't use stanzas was indeed to show how the speaker was (a little) insane. I'm glad you liked the poem
Hi Lonely,
It's amazing how much you can do with so little space. This poem was amazing. It had really good rhythm. There was no part where the flow stopped.
Excellent word choices. "Easing, expire, perish, etc".
I also found the last line to be really powerful: "Don't torture me, just let me die."
I don't have anything to say except "Bravo!" Short and powerful.
Keep up the great work!
Thanks for the review
Hi, Lonely. This is Pinkie here for a review. Excuse me as I put on my glasses. *puts on my pink glasses* Let's get started.
I love this poem. It is very interesting and good poem. You gave great descriptions on here of how time is passing by. I can see it in my head while I read it. Also, the rhymes in the lines are very good. I also didn't see any errors on here. I enjoyed this poem. You are an amazing poet! You grant yourself a 'like'. Well, have a nice day!
Awesome Job!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
D'awwww thanks :3
Wow. This is really spectacular. The dark sadness and bitter manner in which the facts are explained is great. I want to print this and keep it where I can read it all the time. It's a really good poem. The pattern you used for rhyming, as well, flowed tremendously even though it was quick. Great job. Keep writing!
Thank you!
Hellooooooooooo! Dogsrule5 here to make another review, and just for you.
Okay so first of all nitpicks/mistakes.
1. (This is a suggestion so, you don't have to do it if you don't want to, but I suggest you do it.) (Just saying) XD!
Okay this part was pretty much good, except for the punctuation. I think wherever you put your periods, I suggest you put a comma until the last line, "Years will tire." (Put you period here.)
You don't have to do it, because as I said a lot of times, it was just a suggestion. So yeah. To the next thing...
Category's...
Grammar: Your grammar was good, no mistakes in this category.
Spelling: Your spelling seemed fine. (You are so divine.)
Punctuation: No big mistakes, here, but you did have one, witch I listed at the top in the nitpicks/mistakes category.
And last, but not least...
Rhyming: I thought you rhyming scheme was good.
Okay so, now for the good stuff.
Okay, so I thought this poem was really, super, really, really, good. And now that you think about it, I also have a poem called time, but it is way different than this, but if you want you should read it sometime, if you want to, and you have time!!! Just saying.
This poem was beautiful, and I really loved it. Well I guess that's all, so keep up the good writing, (And don't stop!!!) XD!
Love,
Dogsrule5
You know, I always seem to have odd punctuation. I guess that's just a thing for me.
Oh, and thanks for your review!
No problem, and having a different punctuation is okay. So you don't have to do as I said. You can keep it the way it is if you want, but I was just suggesting.
umm... dogs, I think you may be wrong. added all those commas make a large run-on, and makes it seem like the writer was being lazy or making the poem too rushed
Oh. Good point. I almost forgot about that. Thanks for reminding me. Maybe I am wrong, but I really don't know.
Wow, I really loved this. It took me a moment to process the unique rhyme scheme, but I got it and there will be no need to comment anymore on that.
I saw no grammar, punctuation, or capitalization mistakes, even special "poetry excuse" ones. Let's see, is there anything I would want to be revised?
Of course not! I loved this poem soooooo much! I loved the rhyming, the vocabulary, the content, and the concept! It was a perfect stir pot of dark humor, sarcasm, and attention capturing. I'd say this was absolutely perfect!
Some of my favorite lines:
Days are dying/weeks expire/months will perish/years will tire.
I just love the words you use and the rhyming that accompanies them! Everything works!
Overall rating: 9.5/10
Keep writing!
Also a warm welcome to YWS!
+1
This is an interesting poem. Simple but effective, you elaborate on the idea of seconds passing, and illustrste to the full extent, the time people have already wasted or took advantage of, at any age. The rhyming is effective, and on a more abstract level, this poem makes me think of the way that every moment dies, and we are made anew every morning. We die before we dream, and we live other lives, than were revived and our thoughts are organized again, we have a timescale, everything makes sense. Anyways since the poem is rather short and your grammer is proper, I cant find any reasons to nit-pick. Good work!
Thank you!
Hi Lonely, Sherri here to review.
Just had to tell you how much I loved it. Every once in a while I get super-excited over a poem, and I guess this is the one this time around!
I... really love this. In fact, it's sort of stuck in my head. *adds to favorites* I can't believe how much I love this. You did a great job! I enjoyed how you kept the lines even with each other, yet still gave a smooth rhythm and rhyming scheme.
Also... hey, welcome to the site! I hope you like it so far; hopefully you plan on writing more poetry...? Not to be pushy, but I'm looking forward to it
Not many people go for a complete and utter 'time' theme in their poetry on this site--that I've seen--so this was new!
I also wanted to mention how I liked that you built up from smallest to biggest; it sort of guided me up to the biggest and most important statement at the end. Wonderful job!
I didn't see any errors
Happy writing
(Apologies for the random review; my mind scatters when I get excited over something)
Thank you, I really appreciate your review!