NOTE: This is just a short introduction. I don't know if anyone on here ever read my fictional blog or not, but I just wanted to let you know that after a year of not writing it, the story continues!!! But like I said this first one is just a short intro.
http://teenageloner.moonfruit.com/#/...log/4557705986
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ANNA:
I'm sorry I haven't blogged in almost a year. Matt found out I was blogging via my phone during our road trip to hell and threw it out the car window. It's in bits and pieces on an interstate somewhere in New Mexico. I probably wasn't as mad as I should have been. I hated that phone. The only person who ever called me on it was my dad. But a lot has happened since I last wrote so I guess I'll start from the beginning...
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IP address:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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139,565 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Hey there! Writing to you in the hope I can help...even if a little.
I'm confused as to what this is about! I feel as though I have missed something insanely important?
I'm sorry to say that it hasn't gripped me. However, there is huge potential here in terms of who is the person she is blogging to, what is the relationship between her and the guy who threw her phone onto the interstate and why wouldn't she want to get calls from her Dad?!
There's so many places that you could take this. You just need to remember that even though you know whats going on...we need to be able to keep up also!
Good luck and think about expanding
Hi Lizzie,
Yeah, I'm mostly with Disk Elemental. I'm not really sure what you want. It wasn't particularly interesting. It was more like a piece of writing, but not about anything that can make the reader interested enough, or want to keep on reading. It needs to be longer or have some attractive information in it which hints more as to what the rest of the story is about. As for the rest of your blog... Maybe it's best to post something like this on your wall instead of as a literary piece?
Deanie x
I don't really know what you're looking for in a critique.
There's not much content, and what little there is, isn't particularly interesting.
Your grammar is okay, in most places you're using a period instead of a comma, and in a few you're not putting in any kind of punctuation,
The word you want is "threw," not "through."
If you tell me exactly what kind of feedback you're looking for, I can try to be more helpful. Until then, this is the best I can do.