Young Writers Society

Liminality,


I enjoyed reading this because, as the reviewer before me mentioned, I had to read it twice to understand what I was reading. As far as content, I feel like a flash fiction story like this can be so effective in not only being creepy (as what I feel like you might have been going for here), but also tells something of humanity--some part of it at least.

I'm not so concerned with the fact that this woman (I'm only assuming it's a woman, seeing as the new-born reference at the start infers maternity) is keeping her lover's pickled eyes in a jar. I can accept that! What I am concerned with is the sudden appearance of this child how she seems to not only recognize the woman, but knows her way around the apartment.

I am also curious as to the age of this child. I imagine, reading this, she's probably six to eight years old, but she also made the narrator a cup of tea, which suggests maturity? I don't know. But I feel like adding this detail would enhance the story visually for me.

In writing flash fiction such as this, it's important to understand that there needs to be a beginning, and middle and an end, condensed into a page or two. There also needs to be a reason for this story. Why did you write this? and what is the reader supposed to take away?

I love that the girl has the supposedly? dead lover's eyes. There's some weird mystery behind this, and while you don't have to come outright and tell us who this child is, I feel like I need more to be satisfied.

I enjoy your writing style. It's easy to read and clear. With this emotional story though, I would like to see more descriptive, cryptic writing. Maybe some hidden meanings in things, such as the eyes, that would help the reader connect the characters together.

Thanks for this piece,

Jared

I really, really like what you've written here. It's slightly suspenseful and eerie. I had to reread it a couple of times because I felt like I kept missing pieces of information. Honestly, parts don't make a whole lot of sense, but I think that's what I like about it! It's a little choppy and weird. But you make it work and I really want to know who the girl is. I want more information about who he is talking/ writing to. You have me intrigued. If you decide to continue with this, I'd love to read and review it. Thank you for writing it!

I really, really like what you've written here. It's slightly suspenseful and eerie. I had to reread it a couple of times because I felt like I kept missing pieces of information. Honestly, parts don't make a whole lot of sense, but I think that's what I like about it! It's a little choppy and weird. But you make it work and I really want to know who the girl is. I want more information about who he is talking/ writing to. You have me intrigued. If you decide to continue with this, I'd love to read and review it. Thank you for writing it!

I really liked this short story!
I'm a great fan of absurd and weird writing and this one surely falls into that kind. Your style of writing really draws me into the story and I like that you don't explain everything but keeps the reader guessing a bit. The fact that it's written in 2nd perspective is great for the kind of unnatural and surrealistic feel of it and the presence of a child makes the story even stranger as if you've written it a bit wryly, if that makes any sense.
Anyway, I really liked it and I kind of want it to continue but at the same time, it's so good in this length. So good job