Zero ~A New Era~

Hi I am GRL(GordonRamsayLuver) This poem was very interesting. I liked it. But it didn't catch me that me that much it felt like something was missing. I don't know what is it. I can't put my finger on it. But don't get me wrong it was good. A little cliche for me but well done.

See you around!

GordonRamsayLuver

OK, I'll bear that in mind.

Anyway, thanks for reviewing!

No offence meant, but this bored me, the end was so anti-climatic and idea isn't even that original. Nothing wrong with using something unoriginal, but tell it in an original way is the key. Right now I felt nothing from it. It's great imagery but I feel no real feeling within it. You bore us and make the mistake of telling us a story without any emotion. Now this is navelgazing telling us a story without letting us feel it. And the end is pointless in my opinion. You need to think how to give this an air of originality the end could of worked but it was a let down here.

Overall: Work on making the readers feel the poem while you tell us.

Good luck
VSN

this first stanza is awesome! it captured me from the start. and thats the most important this right?

The dawn of the new era strikes,
raising its curtains to a new sun.
I feel its energy sparking through my veins,
flowing in the cells of long lost memories.

now the following sounds significantly different but i still find it your own words and not mine:

the wind rushes another millenium past my face,
the skies feel full of frivolous wishes
wishes that are buried in the sand
and marched on with weary legs

when i gaze at the clouds
i realize were are all hopeless;
zero.

I liked this, I really did. The imagery, and the atmosphere. Especially the atmosphere: I really get the sense of something apocalyptic, which is very cool. That's tied in with the mood and tone of the piece: drmatic, tense, all that. Again, it sounds really cool.

Sensing a 'but' in all that? You should be; it's right there in the last sentence of that paragraph: it sounds very cool. Unfortunately, as much as I tried to, I didn't really get the poem. It sounds to me like an annoying exercise of style over substance. Maybe you had a concept in mind, maybe you didn't. The problem is, I can't be sure. The title suggests that the poem's about a new world, or time, or era or something, but then you say:

'I feel its energy sparking through my veins,
flowing in the cells of long lost memories.'

What does that have to do with the poems theme? I can't figure it.

What I'm getting at here is that you need more clarity. Don't fill the poem with pretentiousness, fill it with simplicity. By all means, keep the epic imagery, just give it more purpose.
Otherwise, good work

Ummm...It's okay I guess. Was it meant as a young person becoming old through time? Also, it didn't flow that nicely for me.

Hello! This poem was very good. I really enjoyed it.



The dawn of the new era strikes,
raising its curtains to a new sun.
I feel its energy sparking through my veins,
flowing in the cells of long lost memories.

I loved this stanza. A lot of desciption and imagery.



I open my palm to the midsummer's light,
and strangely, it feels like a coat of ice.
The winds carry a sorrowful thread,
binding me with its darkness.

Another millenium passes by,
rushing across my face.
The skies are full of frivolous wishes
which unfortunately,
do not meet the gods.

Thoughts are buried
under sands of time,
which I trudge on with worn-out feet.
And when I gaze at the clouds,
I realize we're all hopeless ~
Zero.

I never looked at the number zero like that until now. You changed my life. Best wishes!