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Young Writers Society



The Prisoner

by Lil_Pau


The Prisoner

He sits in his lonely cell,
Isolated within stone walls.
Passing years stole his youth,
Rats nibbled his strength away.
He tries to reach the sky
But is swallowed
by the darkness
of guilt.


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51 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 51

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Sun Jan 13, 2008 8:08 am
J.C. Belding says...



I enjoyed the simplicity of this, but it was quite cliche and rather bland. Try using more extravagant and meaningfull words to liven up your work and add more debth to it.




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206 Reviews


Points: 5715
Reviews: 206

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Sun Jan 13, 2008 3:17 am
Lil_Pau says...



Thanks (to all who reviewed my work!)
:D :D




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105 Reviews


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Reviews: 105

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Sun Jan 13, 2008 1:43 am
1dering at stars wrote a review...



I really like this. Its short and simple, but has a good format and flows nicely. I like it because it seems like it has a lot of different meanings and could mean something else to each different person, but still has a story (even if a very short one) of its own. Great job. :smt038 (applause)




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103 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 103

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Sat Jan 12, 2008 6:10 pm
thething912 says...



"He tries to reach the sky
But is swallowed
by the darkness
of guilt."

I think you could also say that he reaches for the sky but is swallowed by the darkness of guilt. Also there should be a period or comma after sky.





It doesn’t smell old, it just smells like a bad idea.
— James Hoffman