I enjoyed the simplicity of this, but it was quite cliche and rather bland. Try using more extravagant and meaningfull words to liven up your work and add more debth to it.
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The Prisoner
He sits in his lonely cell,
Isolated within stone walls.
Passing years stole his youth,
Rats nibbled his strength away.
He tries to reach the sky
But is swallowed
by the darkness
of guilt.
I enjoyed the simplicity of this, but it was quite cliche and rather bland. Try using more extravagant and meaningfull words to liven up your work and add more debth to it.
I really like this. Its short and simple, but has a good format and flows nicely. I like it because it seems like it has a lot of different meanings and could mean something else to each different person, but still has a story (even if a very short one) of its own. Great job. (applause)
"He tries to reach the sky
But is swallowed
by the darkness
of guilt."
I think you could also say that he reaches for the sky but is swallowed by the darkness of guilt. Also there should be a period or comma after sky.
Points: 890
Reviews: 51
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