A Haunting
Pictures of the ruins fluttered before my eyes,
I cut my hair with you in the mirror.
The morning glory withers in the dark presence,
Day by day, the colours turn rotten.
A creak goes the door,
a shadow steps out.
Moths darted around in the darkness.
Dried vines hang and creep around the corners.
A drop of red pollutes the wooden floor,
My feet turn sore and I can't walk.
The crimson spreads and reaches my thoughts,
A grey cloud contaminates the sky above the moor.
It stands in the shadows, waiting for me.
The eeriness sending chills in the surroundings.
Air goes cold and glasses shatter,
piercing each and every corner of my mirror.
Red wine spills and drenches,
Covering the floorboards like an avalanche.
I hate myself for staying here,
watching myself in a broken mirror.
Candles blow in the strong breeze,
The windowpanes itch, and then they creak.
A full moon illuminates the black trees,
A gale swoops onto the dead leaves.
The clock strikes the middle of the night,
A ringing bell in the silence.
I lie on my bed and wait for sunlight,
Dawn has never been loving.
A torn lantern hangs from the rafters,
Bringing myself with it as well.
As the clock ticks, away goes the presence.
However, living legends still dwell.
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140,231 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
Ok, you had strong imagery here, but not really in the desired way. I saw everything you talked about, but it didn't ever click together for me. Like everything happening was going on in different places. And the lines and words are very pretty but you aren't showing much meaning or anything to the reader. I would have to read it over a few times to really understand what is going on. (which I did) But you never want to make the reader have to read over your stuff so they understand.
Good Luck!
Lots O' Luv,
Lindsay