z

Young Writers Society



The Hungry Bunny

by Lil_Pau


The Hungry Bunny

Here comes the Hungry Bunny,
With his big round eyes and a huge furry tummy.
Run away from the Hungry Bunny,
He'll gobble up all your broccoli!

There goes the Hungry Bunny,
eating up fruits, vegetables and spaghetti.
Crunch and munch goes the Hungry Bunny,
drinking up anything that's sweet and tasty.

Look at the tummy of the Hungry Bunny,
swelling like a gigantic ball so furry.
The Hungry Bunny is unable to start moving,
and off he goes tumbling!

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59 Reviews

Points: 990
Reviews: 59

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Sun Oct 21, 2007 1:40 pm
Fye wrote a review...



Run away from the Hungry Bunny,
He'll gobble up all your broccoli!

*Laughs* Thank you, Bunny, for eating my broccoli!

Crunch and munch goes the Hungry Bunny,
drinking up anything that's sweet and tasty.

Hmm, I think actually(contradictory to Penguin) that "spaghetti" and "tasty" rhymes alright, but I don't like the idea of a bunny drinking, especially since you're talking about a hungry bunny, not a thirsty one.

Look at the tummy of the Hungry Bunny,
swelling like a gigantic ball so furry.
The Hungry Bunny is unable to start moving,
and off he goes tumbling!

In the first two stanzas your rhyming was abab but now your rhyming turned to aabb(I wonder if people understand all this a, b rhyming terms I'm using). Why the change? I'm echoing Penguin.

Great poem! I loved it to the max.
Fye.




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896 Reviews

Points: 240
Reviews: 896

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Sun Oct 21, 2007 10:25 am
PenguinAttack wrote a review...



EEE! Lol, I loved that! It made me giggle from the second I started it! However I have a few little qualms. Most of these, all of these actually, centre on your rhyming.

While all of your rhyming made the poem even sillier (i.e better) The problem is that in bits the rhymes weren't very good. Most noticable is the last couplet wherein you stop using the rhyme you had all through the rest of the poem, it sounds off and seems misplaced. Some of your other rhymes are a little off. Such as "Bunny" and "tasty" in the 2nd stanza. It doesnt completly ruin the peice or anyhting, it's just a little noticable, stands out.

Other than that, this poem made me giggle like no other has ^.^

*Hearts* Le Penguin.





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