Hello again!
Okay this is where someone more versed in fantasy is going to be able to help you more than I can because I hardly read fantasy. I thought this was a pretty interesting way to get a lot of world information explained and I think it was explained pretty well (I guess we'll see when I read it through again and give you more specific thoughts). I'm not sure how else you fantasy people do that But things about world details and the intricacies of the world are not my forte because I don't do that in contemporary fiction. So if there are any problems or holes there, I'm probably not going to be the one to catch that, just as a disclaimer.
Battles that involve close quarter combat or CQC are disadvantages to you
What is CQC?
I gave some thoughts to his explanation.
"I gave some thought"
“That means it’s a good thing Damon is paired up with me.
Yeah because they're going to fall in love! (And Imran and Sarah too!)
^my prediction......
While he was explaining, I couldn’t help but to notice the change of his tone. His witty edge was replaced with a monotonous seriousness, and he didn’t float a bit here and there like he used to be when talking. I wondered what was it like being a warrior. I wondered if he had some kind of important position - a general, maybe? It dawned on me he had witnessed my life routine, and I didn’t even catch a glimpse of his.
I appreciated that she mentioned how he voice changed and how he sounds. I liked this whole internal monologue really and how it gently transitioned into something she's going to ask about soon.
One thing I think you could add to all of this dialogue is action within the dialogue. I'm thinking of facial expressions, eyebrows, hand gestures, posture, etc. Are they really just standing there (or in Scarlet's case floating there) talking? That's kind of boring. Little bits of action and reactions can help break up the dialogue and make it now sound like two heads talking.
“Sorry, I got distracted a bit,” I said. Straightening my elbow on my lap and resting my chin on my palm, my mouth twitched into a smile.
Like this! More of this please.
Isn’t it a huge disadvantage to have you here rather than there?”
Excellent question. The dialogue itself is really good in this section and feels natural. It's productive dialogue, as in the plot is advancing because of the dialogue and we're also learning more things about the world and the characters.
They had theorized the bad lights - in our language we called them axors, by the way - were planning something that would multiply their strength to end the lasting war against us, aseal. The plan axors had would finalize their victory when currently, we are even.
This is where you start to lose me. These names are so similar I get them mixed up and all of the theory stuff is boring to me. Now all of this could easily be because I'm not a fantasy person and all of this could be really interesting to someone else, but this is where I start to lose interest.
I frowned. The language confused me a bit. Xors is singular while axors is plural. The same went to seal and reym, I guessed.
I'm glad she was confused and was able to clarify but aaaaah the names are so similar!!x_x
The areym, however... I had doubts about them.
I'm not sure I understand her doubts. Is she going to explain her doubt in the next segment? But then again, I'm not quite sure I understand the conflict between the three different a-words completely either which is probably part of my problem :p
I'm also still not entirely sure if Scarlet answered the question of why the lights are fighting this battle here rather than where they're originally from.
Overall, I thought this was a pretty strong chapter even though it's mostly an info-dump. This is a necessary info-dump and it's interesting so you're fine Looking forward to reading on to see how this will progress! The plot is getting really interesting!
And as always let me know if you have any questions/if anything I said was confusing!
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