z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Bad Lights, Good Lights [Chapter 6.3 - Intermission]

by Lightsong


It was like seeing the creepy version of three fairy godmothers in Sleeping Beauty. Instead of being fairies, creatures floating on the bed were lights. If it was bad seeing all of these in silence, hearing them make a subtle hum was worse. Azhar gripped the doorknob to bring himself standing. He swiped the trickle of sweat snaking along his chin.

“You - you bring friends?” he asked, aware with the slow tremble shaking his voice. Braving a step forward, he went closer to the lights.

The yellow one, the one that was with him last night, flew to him, leaving the other two on the bed. “Yes, I did,” he said, the slightly higher note of his voice indicating his cheerfulness. “The blue one is Azure while the green one is Emerald. They were the ones who helped me last night. Azure came up with the plan, of course. It wouldn’t be successful without Emerald’s help too. Oh, and my name is Flaxen.”

The blue light joined them. “Yo, what’s up?” he said. “I’m Azure. I figured out from Flaxen’s explanation that Farid guy was a jerk, so I thought some punishment was in line. How did it go?”

The green one, Emerald, went closer to the three of them. He hummed. “It wasn’t the wisest thing to do - some people might assume you were just faking it. There was a possibility you bypassed the guard’s two-times check around the house and went to sleep there without anyone noticing. Fortunately, no one could find a reason for why you would want to bring torture to yourself.”

“B-but,” Azhar said, stuttering, unable to take in impossible task was made possible by these strange entities, “I’m sleeping. How could you guys put me there? You don’t have hands or anything to carry me away, and what’s more, you’re all lights. It’s beyond comprehension.”

Azure chuckled. “Man, this guy is as anxious as you are, Flaxen. No wonder you came here. But I also came, which means there’s more to this guy than what he seems to be.” His spherical light seemed to spin by the blue line spiraling on it, addressing Emerald. “You came too, Emerald. This guy is complex.”

Azhar felt like his head was spinning - like the world was rotating around him. He was too dizzy he might as well faint. What was they were talking about? What was with them coming here? Why here? Why him? He had many questions weighing in his mind, and his state of disarray didn’t help his smoothen his thought process.

Flaxen seemed to notice his unstable state as he said, “You look pale. Come lie on the bed. I understand how seeing us is like being a sci-fi movie in which you encounter the aliens. Don’t worry. We don’t have creepy, green version of ourselves or antennas or something like that. We won’t even hurt you.” He floated back to the first bed, shadowed by and attached with the second above it.

“That’s Faris’s bed,” Azhar said, but his words came as a whisper. His vision was blurry as if he sank his head into a bowl of water, but he managed to tread his way to the bed and lie on it. He felt his forehead, aware of its cool, damp surface. He was sweating.

Azure and Emerald joined him, and they floated besides him now. Flaxen was at his right while the two of them were at his left. Their lights felt slightly warm against his body, and the gentle heat seemed to comfort him. They fell into silence, and perhaps watched him until his expression told them he felt better.

Apparently, Azure didn’t like to wait for that. “Okay, so let me tell you what happened -”

“Azure!” Emerald said, scolding Azure with his high voice. “Let him settle for a minute. This is too much for him to take in. It was just last night he encountered a light that could talk, and now you wanted to to tell him how we carried him to the living room while he was sweating with his pale face right there?”

Azure uttered a slow “sorry, sorry,” and they were silence once again. Azhar took time to observe each of them. He noticed their names were taken from their colour - Flaxen’s a grayish yellow, Azure a light blue, while Emerald was a vibrant green. No one would find it hard to remember their name, he thought. I wonder why they came to me. Arriving here just to help me seems to good to be true. They must want something in return.

After a few more seconds, he spoke up. “Okay, you can tell me now. I can’t imagine a possible scenario of how I ended up being there.”

As Emerald had shut Azure up, Flaxen was the one who explained. “I’ll tell you from the beginning. Actually, we had been around this house a couple of days before you met me - or before I let you see me, to be exact. I was the delegate who communicated with you, and you know the rest until you slept. I met them afterwards in a room belonged to an Indian guy with his light.

“I told them about your story on how your parents died while volunteering in a program, and how you didn’t want to be here. You should feel like that with the way Faris treated you. We saw how he gave you bruises on your stomach and your back while we were invisible. It was unfair. So Azure came up with a plan.

“You see, each of us light has an ability. In our world, the ability is limited. In here, it seems to be elaborated - stronger, because of the nature of your energy. So we made use of our abilities. I could fly very fast, so I went into the guard to make his second check faster that it should - it took barely a minute. But he didn’t notice it because he seemed to think he was moving at a normal speed when in actuality he moved thrice faster than that.

“Then, Emerald played his role. In our world, he could possess something as large as our size - which wasn’t much, but in here, he could possess something much bigger than him. He possessed you, and sneaked out to the living room. Faris was snoring loudly, so he didn’t notice. Azure was involved last. His ability was being invisible even from us, so he made you invisible every time someone went passed the living room to go to the toilet until this morning. No one noticed you were there, so voila!”

Azhar listened to Flaxen’s explanation, hiding his disbelief of the originality of it. But it made sense - no one noticed him on the floor. The guard, other kids, Mrs. Ana - they didn’t see him. These lights had helped him get rid of Faris, so he might as well repay them although he didn’t know how. He did know how to ask, though.

“Okay, so you’ve helped me. Thanks with that,” he said. “I know you want something in return. What is it?”

“It’s not what we want, Azhar,” Emerald said, representing others. “It’s what humans need.”


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Sun May 01, 2016 8:26 pm
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Carlito wrote a review...



Hello again! This is going to be a short review because I'm going to assume there will be some changes happening with all of chapter six.

I thought this was a pretty strong chapter. As Meandbooks mentioned, there's a pretty strong character voice here which goes back to what I said about maybe writing all of this in third rather than first. Third really seems to be more natural for you. But again, if you really want to write in first, that's fine, you can strengthen it :)

The way this ends leads me to think that maybe there is going to be more coming with this story line or there could be more with this story line. I agree that this character and his story are interesting which makes me believe that he probably could support his own story line (but obviously you know these characters the best and are the only one that can answer that question). But I feel like if this were his only scene there is unfinished business or things I would be left wondering. I want to know what role he's going to play with his lights and why the lights chose him. If that part of the story really isn't very interesting or exciting then you can get rid of this chapter and we can just focus on Merah. But I have a feeling he will or could make a really interesting addition to the story ;)

That was a really lame review, my next one will be more in-depth. If you want me to comment on anything specific or if you want me to get nit-picky with this chapter or the previous chapter, ask and I will deliver! :P I didn't do that for either of these because I feel like there could be big picture changes coming with this chapter and I don't want to get bogged down with specifics until the big picture things are figured out. :)

Let me know if you have any questions or if anything was confusing and I'll see you in chapter 7! :D

PS - my next review will be for blue star 4!!




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Sun Feb 28, 2016 9:30 pm
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Holysocks wrote a review...



Hey there! I haven't read previous chapters, but now I want to! Anyway, bare with me. But I am seriously considering reading this from the beginning because it seems so cool.

I love the personalities of the lights so far, but part of me is worried that they're only in light form temporarily- I'm not sure if that was in this chapter or not, but I thought it might have been mentioned that they have a light form that they can take or send to communicate but that might just be my mind filling in bits that I sort of was told but not really... feel free to ignore me.

He felt his forehead, aware of its cool, damp surface. He was sweating.


We know he's sweating; you tell us about his forehead and we can tell that that's what's happening. "He was sweating" is not needed, in my opinion.

He noticed their names were taken from their colour


I found Ahzar notices this rather late. The reader notices this way before, and I feel like if you leave it too long for the character to notice it it's just kind of like "where has he been this whole time?". But that might just be me. This isn't a huge deal here because he's only realizing noticing some very small bit about their names, but you don't want to let this happen with a big plot thing because your readers will sort of question your character's sanity in a way- not trying to be mean or anything though.

I'm very intrigued by the ending as well- what is it that humanity needs? I guess it could be anything, but I'm hoping it's something unexpected because that would just be really cool. Anyway, I think that's all I had to say. You've got a really solid novel and writing style and I want MORE.

Keep it up, bro!

-Socks




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Wed Dec 30, 2015 1:51 am
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Mea wrote a review...



Ooh, I like this! Answers galore!

I'm really glad we got the explanation from the lights - and it makes sense too. I like how they all have their own separate powers and how they worked together. They seem like basically decent people, if they're willing to help Azhar like that.

I like Azure - he had a really strong character voice, and I think that's cool. I can just hear him in my head.

One major thing:

I understand how seeing us is like being a sci-fi movie in which you encounter the aliens.

I don't really like this being there - one of the things I like about these lights is how alien they seem. Having them understand things like sci-fi movies and human concepts of aliens makes them seem a little too familiar with our world. To some extent, Azure's voice is also a bit of a problem because he sounds a lot too like a...I can't think of the word...like he's trying to be a cool, hip kind of guy? I mean, maybe that's on purpose, but it is worth considering that the slang from the light's world wouldn't be the same as our slang.

Also, something I'm confused about is what everyone else thought when they discovered Azhar. Did they think that Faris forced him to go down and sleep on the floor after everybody else was asleep?

In our world, he could possess something as large as our size - which wasn’t much, but in here, he could possess something much bigger than him.

I would have thought that in the lights' world, there would be many things the size of a light - much like how there are many thing in our world that we make that are our size or smaller. Also, does that mean he could possess other lights? Also, I hope the bad lights can't possess anybody. That would be bad.

belonged to an Indian guy with his light

I want to know who this guy is!

Overall, I don't have many nitpicks - there was only one thing that left me confused.

Azhar listened to Flaxen’s explanation, hiding his disbelief of the originality of it.

I don't really understand what you mean by "disbelief of the originality of it."

And that's all I've got! Nice part, glad we got some explanations. On to the next!





I tell the neophyte: Write a million words–the absolute best you can write, then throw it all away and bravely turn your back on what you have written. At that point, you’re ready to begin.
— David Eddings