18+ Language

Bad Lights, Good Lights [Chapter 5.2]

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

At 4.45 in the evening, Imran and I arrived by motorcycle, excited to start planning how to take down our outer world enemies. In front of Sarah’s house, we waited. The house door cracked a bit and the head of Sarah’s mother, Mrs. Michelle popped out. Seeing us, her freckle-less, oval face beamed. She went inside for a second before appearing again, her hand gesturing to us to come inside. The gate of the house opened.

“Sarah told me you’d come,” Mrs. Michelle said as we went inside the house. She turned around to inspect Imran, grabbing his arm to take a better look. “My, it’s been a long since I saw you! You’ve grown to a quite handsome young man.”

Imran smiled politely. “Thank you, Mrs. Michelle. You look as youthful as ever.”

She waved away. “Oh, no need to compliment me. It’s all thanks to the facial care I’ve done everyday. I can suggest something for you, Imran, but your face is already 100% smooth.” She turned to me, squinting her eyes a bit. “Would you like to try the lotion I’ve been using, Merah?”

Ouch. She might thought she was being subtle, but she really didn’t. I smiled. “That’s nice of you. I’ll consider it, Mrs. Michelle,” I said. I turned to the stairs leading to the upper floor. “Is Sarah here?”

“My little princess? Of course she’s here. I wouldn’t dare allow her to go out at these hours, what with the recent kidnapping going on,” she said, guiding us to Sarah’s house.

That was a surprise. I hadn’t heard about the abduction. Taman Tun had always been a safe area, and even safer with the gated system implanted in it. How could someone get away with kidnapping others? I followed Mrs. Michelle, ascending the stairs to Sarah’s room. The air was quiet. What was Sarah doing?

“I don’t realize there’s an abduction recently,” Imran said, prompting Mrs. Michelle to elaborate. She was still holding his arm.

“It happened yesterday afternoon near my working place. Terrible, I tell you,” Mrs. Michelle said, shivering. “It’s a man’s daughter. He went to the bank to take out some money from his account and he left his daughter in the car to avoid paying for the parking rent. When he went back, she was gone. The car front door was unlocked.”

That caught my interest. We were in front of Sarah’s room door. “How about people there? It’s afternoon - there should be a lot of them. Some should’ve seen that happening.

Mrs. Michelle frowned. “That’s the problem. No one saw anything,” she said, and opened the door. “Dear, your friends are here.”

Sarah was inside, lying with her stomach against the bed while holding and reading a magazine. She closed it and looked at us with a toothy smile. “You come early!” she said.

She went to me and hugged me. She went to Imran and felt his biceps, winking at him. Mrs. Michelle saw this and giggled. “Well, have fun! I’ll prepare some snacks for you guys!” she said, and left.

Ah, yes. Snacks. Just what I wanted to dampen my raging emotion seeing Sarah flirting with Imran... and he smiled at her. What the fuck? I gritted my teeth and dumped myself on Sarah’s bed that was inferior in terms of fluffiness compared to Imran’s. The unsatisfying fluffiness didn’t assuage my feelings. Looking at them, I coughed loudly. Scarlet, Silver and Sunglow came out from our bodies.

They went to me. “Why did you guys come early?” Sarah said.

Imran took a look of the magazine Sarah had just read. “We can only be here until seven. Hmm... This is an interesting fashion magazine,” he said, and frowned a bit. He turned a few pages. “The clothes can quite revealing.”

“Believe me, they don’t interest me. I’m more to elegant, covered dresses, just how you like it,” Sarah said and giggled.

I snatched the magazine and set it aside. “Guys, focus. We have an important issue to discuss. Our enemies. Bad lights. They have killed a girl today. We can’t let them continue, which means we have to find a way to stop them from killing more people.”

“Merah is right,” Scarlet said, hovering near the study table at the corner of the room. “We have to take actions against them, and to do that, we have to know where they are.”

Sarah leaned at the head of her bed. “Well, that would be difficult. I mean, how? Clearly they don’t use the portals you’ve used. There must be a different kind of portal or transportation they use to come here.”

“We don’t have to find the portals,” Imran said, still checking the magazine. “We only need to find their rendezvous places, and I bet they’re abandoned buildings, ones that aren’t under humans’ supervision.”

“That is a logical theory,” Sunglow said, her voice vibrating regality, floating near Sarah. “However, I could not help but to wonder if they involve humans in this war rather forcefully. They can possess them to allow them to have a base that have access to human’s technology.”

“That is a good point, Your Highness,” Silver said in a soft voice, fixing a spot besides Sunglow. “Perhaps it’s a mixed of both - some bases are made at abandoned buildings while others are in humans-inhibit buildings. These way, they can expand their influence rather effectively.”

Silence took reign for a short while; each of us took time to ponder about Silver’s words. She made perfect sense - by using both kinds of buildings, the bad lights would have no trouble communicating with each other and enlarging their territory. However, there should be more bases in abandoned buildings, as mingling with humans would make it possible for them to stumble with a good light.

“Alright, here’s the plan,” Scarlet said, moving towards us. “Tomorrow, Imran and Sarah would look for the bases at half of Taman Tun. Merah and Damon would find them at the other half. We lights have to stay inside their bodies - we cannot have the bad lights know they are light companions.”

I held up my hand. “Wait, why do I have to be with Damon? And why Imran with Sarah?” I said, because the second part of my dialogue, if happened, would lead to things I rather did not want know. Sarah couldn’t be trusted with the guy she liked. And Damon was as nasty as his light.

“Because of our abilities,” Scarlet said. “My ability to move objects with Mauvine’s to change the nature of Damon’s body could do well as powerhouse couple. Silver’s illusion and Sunglow’s time freezing are good as stealth couple. This way, we can protect ourselves if we meet the bad lights.”

Urgh. Scarlet’s firm reasoning must be fueled with the fact that he was a soldier. He must be some kind of general or something. I looked at them. “Well, I guess we’d just wait for Damon to come to agree with this arrangement, which might not happening given his light dislikes you, Scarlet.”

“No, not exactly,” Scarlet said. “Mauvine shares some of Flaxen’s sentiment, but my kind with his has no problem at all. We achieve things differently but as long as we’re aiming for the same goal, we’re good.” 

Comments & reviews · 2
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Carlito
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Carlito wrote a review · Sun Nov 29, 2015 4:14 pm

Hello again! :D

I think this is one of your stronger chapters so far! There were a lot of good and exciting things in this chapter. I'll point out some of my favorite things when I go a little more in-depth in a minute. I really liked how the characters are continuing to develop. The plot didn't move forward in any earth-shattering way in this scene, but that's okay. I still feel this scene was important and obviously earth-shattering things don't have to happen in every single scene :) Although I did like the new little addition from the mom that there was an unexplained kidnapping. I like that there are different moving parts that are all probably circulating around the same thing (the bad lights) but nothing is really in control yet and we as the readers don't know what's going to happen next.

The big thing that confused me in this scene was where we left off in 5.1 and where things are now in 5.2. At the end of 5.1 there was the MC, Sarah, and Damon and they were going to Sarah's house to continue to figure out what to do. Now at the beginning of 5.2 we have MC and Imran but no Sarah or Damon. Then Sarah seems almost confused when they show up on her doorstep. How did Imran know about this plan? When did he meet up with the MC? Did everyone go home so they could plan to meet again later? (If that's the case, I would explain that a little more in the previous chapter. Also, if that's the case, why? If they're already in a safe place talking about what they need to talk about, why would they all go home and then agree to meet up to continue to talk about the same thing later?)

Seeing us, her freckle-less, oval face beamed.

Perfect description here. It's short and to the point while also giving the reader some good information.

That was a surprise. I hadn’t heard about the abduction. Taman Tun had always been a safe area, and even safer with the gated system implanted in it. How could someone get away with kidnapping others (a kidnapping)?

This was a great inner monologue moment. Again, it was concise and you explained his thinking.

I followed Mrs. Michelle, ascending the stairs to Sarah’s room. The air was quiet. What was Sarah doing?

New paragraph here because you've gone from inner monologue to what they're doing. I slashed the second part because I thought it felt like extraneous detail and it creates unnecessary tension. If Sarah was doing something we would need to know about, then I would maybe include it. But I know that she's not, she's just in her room, so it doesn't matter. You pass the time just fine with the dialogue.

“I don’t realize there’s an abduction recently,” Imran said, prompting Mrs. Michelle to elaborate.

Loved this. The dialogue cue is perfect here.

She went to Imran and felt his biceps, winking at him.

I thought this was really weird.

Ah, yes. Snacks. Just what I wanted to dampen my raging emotion seeing Sarah flirting with Imran... and he smiled at her. What the fuck? I gritted my teeth and dumped myself on Sarah’s bed that was inferior in terms of fluffiness compared to Imran’s. The unsatisfying fluffiness didn’t assuage my feelings. Looking at them, I coughed loudly.

Hahaha I loved this! I want more of this stuff - his unfiltered inner monologue and feelings about things. This is great voice and great character insight. More more more in other places! :)

“The clothes can quite revealing.”

“Believe me, they don’t interest me. I’m more to elegant, covered dresses, just how you like it,” Sarah said and giggled.

I snatched the magazine and set it aside. “Guys, focus. We have an important issue to discuss. Our enemies. Bad lights.

I really liked this dialogue interchange. It gives some really nice insight into each character and their personalities (and the world with the girl preferring covered dresses) and how they relate to one another.

Silence took reign for a short while; each of us took time to ponder about Silver’s words.

I don't think you need this. I think it reads a little awkwardly. You can show the passing of time and that everyone is thinking by just having the inner monologue paragraph you have next. That shows that the character is thinking about what Silver said and that no one else is talking right now.

Overall, nice job with this part! I'll see you in the next one, and again, please let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing! :D

Thanks for the review! :) Some things to clear up:

- Yes, they all go home after the little meeting with Damon, and Imran knows this because he's Merah's brother.

- Merah is a girl. Although the name means "Red" in English, it's a feminine name and rarely used for a guy. xD

- Sarah has a crush on Imran which she's not afraid to show.

That is all. Thanks again! :D

My bad!! All this time I thought the MC was a boy... (that's what I get for coming into the story late :P

Hahaha, you're not the only one with the confusion. Merah does act boyish a bit. :p

Hey Lightsong, Happy Review Day!

I love where you're taking the plot and how you're progressing through this story! With each chapter we get a new glimpse as to just how prevalent the lights are in the world! There were just a few things I noticed:

Why do they assume the missing girl is an abduction case? If this is normally a safe area, and the only clue to be found is an unlocked door, why wouldn't they assume that she ran off? As readers, we see no signs of a struggle, and have no information on the girl's character. I would add something to help us make the same concluion that Mrs. Michelle makes.

“You come early!”
I'm pretty sure you meant 'came' early

Just what I wanted to dampen my raging emotion seeing Sarah flirting with Imran..
I would also rearrange the few paragraphs around this line. That way the reader can see the 'flirting' that is making Merah so angry before we're told that she's angry. I think that would help with the general flow.

Imran and Sarah would look for the bases at half of Taman Tun. Merah and Damon would find them at the other half.
How exactly are they making this decision? WHy Taman Tun? Is it because of the proximity of the attacks/ abductions or to the known portal? I would elaborate so that the reader can see more of the strategy going into their plan- kind of like how you did with deciding to create a stealth team and a powerhouse team.

All-in-all this was a great chapter! I'll try to catch up with the rest of what you have posted!
Hope some of this was helpful!
-backroadstraveler

Thanks for the review! I'll give your suggestions some thoughts in future drafts! :)



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— herbalhour