This is a really unique story, very interesting to read. You're taking Pre-Algebra?
Oscar had twenty three bucks. Jason - his best friend - didn't know that. Oscar decided to call Jason and ask him about it. But then he decided against it and went to his house. Jason would never answer the phone.
Oscar took out his black bike and pedaled to his friend's house. He knocked on the door. he shifted on one foot and tucked his hands into his sweatshirt's pockets. It was cold. Winter was coming soon.
"Yo, man, what brings you here?" Jason grinned, shaking Oscar's hand.
"Nothing much. Just wanted to ask you a question." Oscar smiled, showing his dimples.
Jason looked at him, puzzled, "This couldn't be done over the phone?" Oscar shook his head and Jason shrugged, inviting him in.
"You just wouldn't answer the phone, that's all." Oscar winked at him and followed Jason up the stairs, laughing.
"In ya go, buddy." Jason said, "I'll get some water."
Oscar nodded and settled himself on the bean bag chair. That was his favorite part about this room. Obviously second favorite because this room even had an Xbox One X Robot White Special. He stared at the posters of all of Jason's favorite soccer players in Canada.
"'Kay, so what's up?" Jason brought in the water, shut the door, and sat down on his twin bed.
"I wanted to ask you how much money I have." Oscar started, but was interupted.
Jason held up his hand, "All I know is that I always - and literally always - have fifteen dollars more than you. And that we have sixty one in total. You told me that a few days ago." he said, his tone serious. Math was not a game. It was a part of life.
"I see." Oscar said, running his fingers through his blonde hair. He sipped on the water that his friend had gotten him.
"Look here." Jason took out a piece of paper from his desk's drawer and a pencil from his pencil case.
Let x = Oscar
"The money that I have is obviously fifteen dollars more than you." Jason said thoughtfully. "So. . ." he continued writing:
x + (x + 15) = 61
2x + 15 = 61
2x + 15 - 15 = 61 - 15
2x = 46
x = 23
Jason slammed the pencil down on the table and shouted, scaring his poor friend, "Hurrah!"
"Chill, man, you basically gave me a heart attack!" Oscar exclaimed, clutching his chest.
"Sorry. I figured it out. Twenty three dollars." Jason showed him his paper.
Oscar gaped, "First of all, how the heck is that so neat? Second of all, how did you get that right?"
Jason shrugged, taking off his sweatshirt to reveal a t-shirt with Alphonso Davies on it. Oscar smiled. "I may or may not be Albert Einstein's descendant." Jason grinned, "Wanna go to the library?"
Oscar laughed, "You're a madman. First math, now English!" Jason laughed with him, showing his teeth. "Let's go." The two friends walked out of the house, onto the next road, and into the library. And their next lesson started there.
This is a really unique story, very interesting to read. You're taking Pre-Algebra?
Hey man!! It is really good to see that you know your math well(Algebra) and a did a CCL between Math and English. The story matched its category. Loved the action. I bet you wrote this story after solving a difficult problem in Algebra. It is good to see hilarious stories in the literary spotlight Keep writing and hope to hear soon from you
Hey man!! It is really good to see that you know your math well and a did a CCL between Math and English. The story matched its category. Loved the action. I bet you wrote this story after solving a difficult problem in Algebra. Keep writing and hope to hear soon from you
Hi Lib,
Trust you to write a story like this haha.
That’s the strongest point I’d say. The premise is unique and fun. Some of the lines of dialog really establish this well, like when Jason holds up his hand and says he always has fifteen more dollars etc. I’d even say you could exaggerate the premise even further and make the dialog all the more satirical and humorous. I think you’re well suited to writing pieces like that. (I understand this was written as a way of you working through a real life math equation but I think you've happily stumbled onto a good idea for a funny short story. Your brain is something to behold!).
Like FP, I wanted more visual details to immerse me earlier on. Not a lot, mind. For example when Oscar noticed it was cold and on the verge of winter, that feeling could have come across better if it wasn’t stated so overtly.
Also I don’t think I’ll ever be able to review without dishing out unsolicited line editing advice. I noticed a few opportunities to enhance your narrative by being a bit more economical with your sentences. Example:
Oscar took out his black bike and pedaled to his friend's house.
This is a lot of words to make the point “Oscar cycled to his friend’s house”. Also be careful about creating imagery and leaving the reader hanging. When you say “took out” the reader needs a place to imagine Oscar doing the taking.
Another example:
He sipped on the water that his friend had gotten him.
You were already very clear where that water came from and so I wouldn’t dedicate more words rehashing it.
That’s all I’m gonna say for now (unless you want me to go over anything?)
Overall this is quirky and fun and has your signature all over it 😂
Hello my friend, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely day, and like always I am here to get your work out the green room. Otherwise, why else would I be here? XD
Anyway let's begin with the review!
So I only saw on very small thing in this work that I would like to point out. Even though this is a short story it's always good to try and bring your reader into the story, and how you will do that I will tell you, so I know you added some description into this work, which was great, but you needed to add more, I mean I don't really know what Oscar or Jason looks like. I mean I don't know if they have blond hair or black, it's small things like this you need to add into a story to bring it to life. But you can just push this aside because I'm very picky with description.
Anyway other than that I really liked this story, it was beyond funny, I almost feel of the couch with laughter, I can tell that Oscar and Jason have been friend for a very long time, being that they know each other so well they know how much cash they have. Though I will say I didn't expect Jason to get it. His rather clever.
To me Jason is the book type of guy, and Oscar is the gamer type, though I could have that all wrong! XD
So as you can tell I really liked this story, it was very funny, and it sure made my day. I new the story involved math but this wasn't what I was expecting, well if I am honest I don't on what I was expecting! LOL So I hope you will write some more really funny works like this, and post again soon. Have a great day or night.
Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion!
Nice little short story. A bit funny and I liked some of the details. I found it very imaginable in my head. I just failed to understand the plot, 'two friends going out and one friend wants his other friend to work out how much money he has? I'm not sure but it was good all in all, I just failed to understand the plot.
I was actually supposed to be doing math. But then I couldn't understand and I wrote a story. Then it all clicked, lol. C:
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