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18+ Language Mature Content

Love Grumps

by Lettersnumbersonly

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

Dan got out of his car and yawned. “Arin better have a good reason for us doing Game Grumps this late at night.” He looked at the time on his phone: 1:00 A.M. 

It was unseasonably cold for November in L.A. He wished he remembered his jacket, and jogged into the grump space. He noticed all the lights were off. This was strange considering Arin should have arrived first. He fumbled for the light switch on the wall. Groping in the dark his fingers touched something, something soft, sweaty, sausage like. The lights turned on, but they were warm, and soft, not like the harsh fluorescent ones he was use to. It was Arin, their eyes locked, as their fingers intertwined on the lightswitch. He was dressed in a Tuxedo, but only his upper body, below on his legs he wore jean cutoffs, so cutoff you could see his Not So Grump boxers. Dan took a step back to examine his surroundings.

“Hey Dan!” Arin exclaimed, admittedly a little too enthusiastically. He bit his tongue out of embarrassment. “Why are you dressed like that?” Dan inquired. “Oh, no reason.” Arin laughed timidly.

“And why are we starting so late?”

Arin was hoping Dan would overlook this detail, but quickly made up a lie.

“I… uh… am going to the doctor tomorrow, and we won’t have time then… ya know, tomorrow.”

Arin desperately prayed that Dan would believe his thinly veiled deceit. “Oh really. What for?” Dan asked. Arin knew all he had to say was a checkup ,but panicked. “They’re checking if my balls are  fertile.” He wanted to punch himself in the face. “ I didn’t know you, and Suzy were trying to have kids. Thats awesome dude!” Dan now couldn’t get the thought of Arin’s balls out of his mind, it made him uneasy, and comfortable all at once.

They walked to the grump room, Dan spying on Arins precious tush, and how creamy white it looked contrasted with his tan, hunky calves.

When Dan entered the room he noticed the lights were also an oragne glow, that warmed his chilled bones. Arin browsed the shelves, and pulled out a copy of Deadliest Warriors, and put it into the PlayStation 3. Dan set up the capture, then sat on the right side of the couch. Arin was hesitant to sit next to him, but decided to take the left side.

They began, to play, “Welcome back to Game Grumps” Dan would say sleepily. Arin hardly talked, his mind was preoccupied with Dan’s voluptuous mouth, covered by a manly stubble, quivering, and moist whenever he would go to lick his lips. Arin wished he could lick his lips for him. Dan was tired, but couldn’t take his gaze off of Arin’s hairy white legs, only an inch of fabric was between Dan, and his luscious groin. Dan shivered, and inched toward Arin. He rested his head on Arin’s jolly belly, and looked up at Arin’s chins, each one he would gladly let touch his taint. Arin looked down on Dan, and got nervous. Sweat began to bead up on his forehead. The two were silent. Arin paused the game. Dan lifted his head up to Arin’s face, the two were centimeters away from, one another. The tension was palpable, both desired so badly to steal a kiss, but neither had the courage to do so. At this time Dan remembered something. “The Fuck-It adjustment!”. He lifted his chin, and licked the sweat off of Arin’s forehead. Arin shivered, and blushed. The two were eye to eye again, and they embraced in a kiss. Saliva, and sweat mixing in each others mouths, hot and passionate,as Dan climbed atop his closest friend. Nothing could hold them back, their love for each other was stronger than that plant monster from the Battle Kid series.

Dan took off Arin’s suit, and then his own tee-shirt, as Arin untied his tie, and untucked his shirt from his jean cutoffs. They touched bellies; Dan's Outtie belly button touched the lint in Arin's Innie. Then their nipples touched, Arin's, like warm pepperoni, melted Danny's rock hard ones.  Things got serious when the pants came off. Dan wore tear-away pants secretly everyday in preparation for this moment. Like a graceful Dolphin he tore his pants with such effrontery it made Arin shutter in awe. Beneath was nothing, but Dan, for he never wore underwear, because he could never find a pair big enough to hold his colossal package. Arin   lied on the couch, and removed his pants as seductively as he could. He was too excited, and ripped them, but he just couldn't go one more minute without Dan inside him. He flung his Not So Grump underwear to the side, and beckoned to his lover with his forefinger. 

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1220 Reviews

Points: 72525
Reviews: 1220

Sun Jan 31, 2016 1:09 am
Kale wrote a review...

Hello there and happy Review Day! I'm here also on behalf of the Knights of the Green Room since your work has been trapped in there for so long.

Since it's Review Day and the Green Room is quite packed, I'll be keeping this review a bit brief. If you would like a more in-depth review after the crazy reviewing rush, just let me know and I'll happily give you a more thorough one!

With that said, there were a few issues with this. The first one was the need for a rating bump because, while you faded to black before it got too explicit, there were still some pretty explicit mentions of the act which warrants an 18+ rating (which this has now been bumped up to).

He wished he remembered his jacket

Who is "he"? I was very confused and had to reread it before realizing that "he" was Dan, and that Dan was alone when he got out of the car. Dan talking aloud made me think that there was someone with him that he was grumbling to, rather than grumbling to himself.

This is one of those cases were a dialogue tag would be very helpful to have.

Also, when you write dialogue, each time a different character says or does something, you should start a new paragraph. The start of a new paragraph helps signal to the reader that a different character is doing or saying the thing, even without dialogue tags or names being present.

As for the rest of the stuff, I just couldn't take it seriously. The constant and very-obviously-highlighted-in-the-narration gazes, the pepperoni nipples, the sausage fingers... the pepperoni nipples in particular had me in stitches.

So you might want to consider refining your imagery a bit more, unless you were actually aiming to make this a comedy, in which case, great job with that.

User avatar
10 Reviews

Points: 25
Reviews: 10

Fri Dec 04, 2015 2:15 am
Anico146 wrote a review...

"Dan got out of his car, and yawned."
Unneccesary comma after car. I'm sorry to say that after the first two paragraphs I became very lost. Try to be more explainative of the situation as Dan walks in because that is around the part that gets confusing. From what I did understand though it is interesting, not bad.

duly noted

But what about second breakfast?
— Peregrin Took