Martha was a normal girl.
She graduated high school, and before going off to college she decided to visit the big city.
She packed her things and took an airplane to New York.
There, she had so many wonderful experiences.
She went to museums, and saw buildings so big she got cancer.
Its been four months since Martha started Chemo, but it seems she a has taken a turn for the worst.
The doctors are baffled how such a healthy young girl could get cancer from looking at buildings.
They estimated she had two weeks to live, and it was best she get her priorities in order.
Martha knew she would never have all the life experiences she would want, and this made her question her faith.
Life to Martha was a series of meaningless steeping stones that all lead to death.
She had plenty of time to think about the empty black void that is lifelessness.
This comforted Martha. She would no longer have to deal with grades, or if her crush liked her back.
Just the sweet nothingness of death.
One month had passed, and Martha had still not partake of Death's gentle touch.
In fact, doctors said her condition was improving.
Martha could not believe it.
She had for the time being, escaped death.
A second chance at living had been thrust upon her.
Martha's thoughts were flooded with confusion.
She had waited so patiently to die, and now it seems she was more than willing to let go.
How could this be? She had put up no fight with death, not a single ounce of her being craved life?
So why is it her demise was in retreat?
Another month had passed, and Martha left the hospital.
Martha had to come to grips with living.
Her revelation in the hospital opened her eyes to the futility of existence.
What was the point of eating? Food sustained her. But why sustain something that will someday die anyway?
Why reproduce if your children, and their children will die?
Nothing is constant, but nothing.
Oh Yeah. Martha dies I guess
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hi there! I saw this short, and thought it looked interesting, so I read it. I enjoyed the underlying themes and basic plot, but overall, I was a little confused. In the beginning, when you were talking about Martha being a normal girl visiting a city, I could follow your thoughts. But after that, when you jumped over to all the cancer, and the chemo, and the doctors, and the death wish...you lost me. When I say that, I don't mean that I didn't understand what was happening, I only mean that the deep connection and engagement I was developing with the story was terminated. While I like the idea of switching very fast and without warning to the alternate situation, doing it the way you did, in an unrealistic way, tends to shut me down. I understand if you may have been going for a more fantasy-like way of looking at cancer, and death, but this is such a serious topic, and the rest of the story is so deep and thought-provoking, that the transition just doesn't flow.
I personally do not know why you formatted your paragraphs the way you did, but as I am not an experienced writer, I won't judge, and I'm sure you have a reason.
Similarly, I have no clue why you ended it that way. I mean, to have such a meaningful story, and just kind of clow it at the end? It crushed me to read that. Again, you may have had a reason for doing what you did, but I'll advise you as clearly as I can when I say that this choice of yours may not have been the best one.
Now, some praise. I did really enjoy the plot line, and I thought that the way you posed questions within your story was quite ingenious. It really made me think, and I've found lately that not many books do that anymore. I thought it reflected your knowledge when Martha looked so far into her future to see that it was not worth reproducing because everyone dies in the end. Despite the little things I mentioned, I think that this short story has great potential. I hope I didn't offend you with anything I said, because again, maybe it's just me who thinks this, or maybe I'm reading it wrong. But in any case, I hope I've been helpful!
My reaction to this is basically "Huh?"
And "Ummmm.... What?"
But I guess I'd better tell you what think because this is my review.
At first, I thought that this story would be sort of like a coming-of-age story with a bit of humor along the way.
But I was really shocked by the end.
There are so many people who die of cancer a year. Or, any disease, really. But the topic is so serious that I had a hard time finding humor in this.
Maybe you should stick with something a little less serious next time, 'kay?
You really used paragraphing here. I mean REALLY. It almost feels like a poem, but it's not. This is a story, so maybe you should find some way to make longer paragraphs.
I hope that I have been of some sort of use.
-Holographic Ladybug
Here goes my review.
there needs to be a lot more elaboration when talking about the ending.I think this story has a nice foundation (besides the fact that she gets cancer by a building.) There needs to be a lot more detail. Tell me what she sees on her trip, and about her stay at the hospital.
Second of all you need to work on your ending. you can't just have
Hey MonkButler. I'm Lettersnumbersonly and I'm here to review this masterpiece of the English language. First off, I wanna say this story is very interesting. The way you smash cut from Martha's experience in NY to her Cancer is brilliant.
. When I first read it I thought this was a weird metaphor, but its actually a key part of the story. I have never before ever seen plot implemented in such a way. I just wanted to say that before I go on to some improvements. You do need to revise your work before you publish. All in all, its a great story, but its full of mistakes. I'm pretty sure you meant HER, and not HERE. There is a plethora of other examples, so much its not worth mentioning them all. All I can say is revise before you publish baby. Another thing that should be fixed is the ending. Hate to say, but just like all stories, there are act three problems. . There is a lot wrong there. Yeah should not be capitalized. No punctuation at the end. And it seems you ended the story just to end it. Which is so meta, and plays well with what your trying to tell the reader. Usually death is such a pivotal and important part of a story, but in this tale depicting how under rated death is. It also underplays it as well. Millions of people die ever day. Millions more are born. Nothing matters. That's the kind of story I want to tell to my children. Thank you.How are you there, numbers? I Hope you're already enjoying this site and meeting the wonderful people (Including me!
) Anyway, I'm here to give your work a pretty dumb review!
So, here we go!
That's how it starts. Good starting. So, Martha the ordinary girl goes to visit the bright city. You could add her age, probably? Even though you've added enough informations to guess that.
I read this line three times! XD you did a great work to surprise us all.
It's probably?
The most important part of your story. I like how it goes. Martha gets scared that she's dying but along with that a relief that she won't have to face the life's problems. But, suddenly she's not dying. She's improving. Well, that got me in some thinking. In your story, the medical science has failed already xD (I'm not being mean ^^) and now a dying patient isn't hugging death. Miracles! That confuses Martha, the consequences perplexes her. But, I love what comes next!
Though I didn't have a clear idea that what you're trying to say but still, they make sense anyway. We're all dying someday. Nothing is constant, like you said. But, my point, why should that stop you from living? Dying isn't a problem. It's the truth and you can't change that even if you live your life to the fullest or not, right?
So, that's all I've to say. Thanks for the nice read. I'm sorry I couldn't probably get the real meaning of your story but hopefully you'll pardon me for that.
Have a great day!
~ Nire!
Hey, Leno..(figure out why I am calling you Leno!)
Here's a short review for your shortextraordinary word.(intentionally added the two words)
First, the title. I liked it cus it's a simple title composed of simple two words but they say more than they sound. However, when I first read the title , I thought that it would be about a bad experience of Martha. But it turned out to be a weird one. Yeah, of coarse, the weird one actually is very deeeep. But I had a feeling that you dived tooo deep to say what you wanted to mean. I mean, I couldn't really get the point of the story. I understood the last lines. But I thought that you couldn't really relate them to her incidents. Or, more clearly, you should have described a bit more to bring out what you really wanted to say.
You know, writing in this style is very hard. Because you have to write in a way so that less words can mean more and writing the effective lines is hard. I myself try to do it and I know how hard it is.
Well, I thank you for writing a story like this cus I am thinking to write one in this same style. Now I will be able to understand where I may make a wrong move.
I have liked the story and at the same time messed up something. So, my review goes now-
Hi Lettersnumbersonly! Here's my two cents:
I have a strange liking for what you've written- it's very simple, but I feel as though there's a much deeper meaning than you're letting on to.
I like this line, and how it appears like a metaphor but is actually the truth, but it also confuses me. How did she get cancer from seeing buildings so big? I think you should bring this line up again near the end of the poem and somehow imply the connection between the two. (Maybe I'm just really off my game and missing the connection
Be careful of little grammar things- "its" should be "it's" (since you are shortening "it is") and I think you just accidentally typed "a" between "she" and "has."
I really like this line. I feel like those who have suffered with terminal illnesses dealt with this same problem: questioning their faith. It's always an incredible thing when you can connect with (potential) readers, and you have done so beautifully!
This line is so poetic, and I love the way it sounds. There are two things I would suggest fixing: "partake" should be "partaken," and if you want to capitalize Death (which I think is a great idea!), make sure you capitalize it every where and not just in one line.
These couple lines are my favorite throughout the whole piece- I love how you changed around Martha's reaction to her condition improving: most people would be thrilled to have this second chance at life, but Martha is just horrified at the fact! The choice of words (for example, "thrust upon her") really help portray the idea that she is upset about this second chance at life.
As far as the ending goes, I think it's a little awkward. I do think that you should end the piece simply, because the whole piece is simple, but it seems so flippant. Also, you've given your audience the idea that Martha will not die now, because her condition is improving, but then you have her dying anyways. How does she die? Does she end up dying of cancer? Does she commit suicide? Answering the question of how she dies may help wrap up the story more and tell us more about Martha.
Overall, I really like this story and how you switched around the normal views of death (and being afraid of death). Great job!
-unluminescent
Hello there Lettersnumbersonly! I see you’re new here - that means you get extra special tips from me! Oh, by the way, I’m Sagitta, but you can call me Sagi if you like. Now, onto the review.
This. This right here. I love it xD it’s so clever! Very nice way to insert info. At first I thought it was just a metaphor but nope - Martha actually has cancer.
Two things -
1. “Its” should be “It’s”, as in “It is”.
2. “She has”, not “she a has”.
Okay. So, you’ve been using past tense up until this sentence. Either you start to use present tense now, or you stay with past tense. In this story, you’ve chosen to use past tense throughout and this sentence is the odd one out. It should be “were”
She has 2 weeks to live and she has plenty of time to think about the empty black void that is lifelessness? This seems a bit strange.
Don’t quote me on this, but I have a feeling that “partake” should be “partook”.
You’ve switched to present tense accidentally again here - “seems” should be “seemed”.
This doesn’t make sense. There is no ‘question word’ here - by that I mean who, where, what, why, when and how. This means there doesn’t need to be a question mark. Also, you can split this into 2 sentences like this -
She had put up no fight with death - not a single ounce of her being craved life.
Very good point, but the way you’ve written it is awkward.
Why reproduce if your descendants will die?
Or something along those lines.
Again, good point, but the way you’ve written it makes it really awkward.
Nothing is constant except nothing itself.
Overall, this was a really nice read! One thing I’ll say is that on YWS, starting new lines is a bit different to Word or other sites. Try and make paragraphs out of your lines, the way you’ve set it out makes it look a bit like a poem. Well done on writing this and keep at it!
~Sagitta