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I didn't know- NaNoWriMo project 2015 - Chapter 11

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Eleven

The next afternoon at work, Fey was hunched over some boxes, busy unpacking books when an unexpected voice made her stand up straight.

“Hey, you busy bee!” Meri almost shouted.

Fey grinned at the surprising visit.

“What are you doing here? I didn't expect you to drop by!”

“I was just shopping for some honeymoon underwear around the corner and I thought I would drop in on my best friend who I have seen very little of over the last weeks!”

Meriyem was packed with small elegant shopping bags from various stores, though the burden didn't seem to weigh down on her mood.

“Oooh, sounds exciting!”

“Are you busy right now? I don't want to keep you, if you don't have time.” She looked around the store, bustling with people already shopping for Christmas presents.

Fey shook her head.

“It's always busy, but I haven't taken my break yet and the others will handle it. Give me a moment, I'll just let Peter know I'm gone for the next half an hour or so.”

She spotted her coworker in the children's corner helping a mother with two kids. She quickly let him know and he waved her away.

Meri and Fey walked to the back, waving a quick hello to Markus on their way.

Fey grabbed two bottles of water for them before they settled in to talk.

“So show me what you bought!”, Fey said, impatiently gesturing for her friend to give her something to admire.

Meri presented her goods one after the other, evoking cries of awe and giggles in turn. When she had put away the last item, Fey sobered up a bit and looked at her solemnly.

“You're really getting married. And you really love him. I am so happy for you.”

Meri uncharacteristically blushed and giggled.

“I know, isn't this crazy? And I feel so cheesy all the time for it. I am so happy all the time, surely that can't possibly be right, can it?” She sighed happily. “I want the whole world to feel like this. Or at least my friends.”

“Oh god, you sound like Jane Bennett!”

“I know! Isn't it awful? On second thought I don't want everybody to feel like this, we'd just tell each other how happy we are all the time.”

“Good thing I'm single then. But you didn't sound so keen on the wedding a few weeks ago.”

“I'm not keen about the wedding now either.” Meri sighed and grimaced. “It's been hell to organize and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. And the day of, that's going to be exhausting, mainly. But then I'll be properly married to Emir and that thought alone... that's what's getting me through the thousandth rerun of the 'where should I put my aunt on the seating chart because she doesn't get along with anyone'-discussion.” They both laughed at that, knowing all too well that it wasn't an exaggeration. “But I'm only talking about me. Like a bride-to-be ought to, but still.” With a knowing grin and a mischievous wink she continued. “How's the match-making going? How far are you with setting that poor little girl up?”

“It's going well, I think.”

“You don't sound too thrilled.” Meri raised an eyebrow at her, turning her statement into a question.

“No, no, it's good! Yesterday I took her out to her first college party, my cousins came as well and Noah and her hit it off really well.”

“That's great! How is he?”

“He's really nice. He's a med student, he's doing an internship at the pediatric ward my brother works at. He's handsome, caring, funny... Not as pretty, caring and funny as her, but I think they'd make a good pair. But right now they just had one pleasant evening, nothing to write home about yet.”

“Oooh, a med student. Every mother-in-law's dream. But I know you didn't choose him because of that.”

“No, I didn't actively choose him at all. I'd actually planned for just a nice evening out.”

Meri 'aaah'ed knowingly.

“So that's what's been bothering you. You didn't really set them up, you just happened to be getting them together in the same room! Your honor's been hurt!”

Fey considered Meri's supposed insight. Was that really why she'd been feeling uneasy about the prospect of Noah and Lily getting together? Was her wounded professional pride in her match-making skills the reason she'd been brooding over last evening all day?

“Maybe you're right. I don't know. Also, Noah's only in town for a few more weeks, I would hate to see Lily get hurt because he's leaving again so soon. But for now I'm not going to intervene, I'll help them as best as I can. I won't hide my opinion but I'm also not going to broadcast it to them. It's not a secret that he's leaving, they're both aware of it.” She sighed.

Meri reached over to pat her arm.

“Don't beat yourself up about it. Concentrate on being a good friend for Lily right now and if things don't work out, concentrate on that even harder.”

“Thanks. Yeah, you're right, it won't help anybody if I worry about this particular problem.” She squared her shoulders. “Hey, there is a book reading event this Thursday evening and I'm going to do the interviewing part. Wanna come?”

“Thursday? I'm sorry, I don't think I can. I don't think I've told you yet, I have a job interview!”

“No you didn't! You actually found the time to apply for jobs in the midst of all the wedding planing?” Fey eyed her with mock-suspicion. “Did you get a hold of a time-turner? Because if you did, I want in on it.”

“Ha, I wish. No, Emir helped me with the application. I didn't think they'd actually invite me in. But yeah... sorry I can't come to your thing!”

“Never mind, your potential dream job is way more important.” She glanced at the clock. “Speaking of dream jobs: I better get back to mine or I'll be tarred and feathered by my lovely coworkers. Dinner sometime this week?”

Meri got up, following Fey's lead.

“I'll have to get back to you on that. I might have time to join you on your bad-movie-night. What are you watching this week?”

They reentered the front area of the store.

“I think Markus is bringing a good movie this week, actually. But I don't know, he's taking care of it this time.”

“Tell Markus I said hi.” She took in the store, now even busier than it had been. “Alright, I'll leave you to the hordes of Christmas-shoppers, try to survive! See you!”

“Bye, take care!” Fey watched her fight her way out and turned around to face the onslaught of customers.

* * * *

On Thursday evening she was in the staff bathroom in the back, checking her makeup in the mirror. She had only just gotten done putting on her lipstick with nervous hands when her phone chimed.

~~17:44~~From Lily~~

We're here! Met Noah on the way, we got great seats. Good luck to you!

Fey turned her phone on silent and put it in her pocket.

The area stretching from the children's corner to the thriller section had been mostly cleared from the book tables and sitting groups that usually occupied the space. Instead, a large table with a microphone had been prepared, facing the rows of chairs in front of it. They didn't charge an admission fee, but encouraged the patrons to make use of the coffee shop and to buy Ms. Fliegentöter's book.

The hadn't shut down the usual business, but the set-up was of course counterproductive to any leisurely stroll through the affected sections. The patrons didn't seem to mind, curiously reading the poster apologizing for any inconvenience and inviting the so inclined to spontaneously join the reading. Many had taken up the suggestion and the rows had steadily filled. There were only a few empty seats left, sporadically spread over the rows.

Fey was trying to blend in with her surroundings to not be approached by customers. She was watching out for Anna Fliegentöter's arrival, nervously checking the time far too often to actually notice its passing. The event was scheduled to start at 18:00, but the author hadn't shown up yet.

At 17:55 she finally spotted Anna as she ran through the main entrance. Once inside she stopped to get her bearings and spotted Fey who was waving at her. She hurried over.

“I am so so sorry. Something's happened on the subway and they were waiting to go on and I would have been here half an hour ago but then the fire department had to come and it was all a big mess, I am so sorry.” She was breathing heavily and had to support herself by propping her arms up against her thighs.

“Don't worry, we're still only fashionably late. Calm down and let's get your stuff into the back.” She took Anna's heavy messenger bag and ushered her to the back. “Okay, get yourself sorted first. You saw how everything is set-up? There are some plants you can stand behind until I announce you. Take your time to get your breath back and when you're ready we'll go.”

Anna had gotten rid of her coat and bag and opened the door to the toilets to throw a glance at her reflection in the mirror there to check for any major mishaps. She brushed through her hair with her fingers and took some measured breaths. With a huff of breath she straightened her jacket and nodded.

“I'm ready. Oh god, are you as nervous as I am?”

Fey grasped her by the shoulders and pushed her towards the front of the store.

“Probably even more so than you. Don't worry, it's gonna be fine. If you get stuck I'll try to help you.”

They had snuck up on the audience and Fey quietly positioned Anna to stand behind a group of potted plants. Then she nodded to her as a way to wish her all the best and went out before the audience.

The people eagerly waiting for something to happen greeted her with a small applause. Fey spotted Bianca standing in the back, leaning against one of the book shelves. She had said she would be there to show Fey her support at this first appearance as host at a reading.

Fey's eyes skimmed over the audience, looking for her friend and her cousin. Lily and Noah were seated in the second row and clapped wildly when Fey appeared. Lily beamed at her and waved timidly while Noah nodded at her.

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen, dear friends of the written word. My name is Fey von Wimmstein and I'll be your host this evening. Since you are sitting in front of me I expect you know why we are all here. Just to make sure we are all on the same page” Fey paused to let her pun take effect. She earned a few chuckles. “I would like to welcome you to a reading of 'The Necklace of Loch Lohair' by the remarkably young author Anna Fliegentöter, one of this cities own. Not yet 30 years old she's managed to write a wonderfully original young adult novel, bringing a new and exciting twist to the fantasy genre. Some of you will have read this book and like me you will have joined the young merman Somerled on his journey, have come along with him on his quest and joined in his fears and hopes. Join me now in a welcoming applause for the young author herself. Please welcome Anna Fliegentöter!” With a grand sweeping gesture she announced Anna who came to join her. Fey greeted her again with a firm handshake and gesticulated for her to sit down at the table. The audience cheered and applauded.

When they had settled down, Anna took the opportunity to speak up.

“Thank you for your warm welcome, it's a pleasure to be here.”

The audience hat settled down, giving Fey a moment to collect her note cards and get her bearings.

“So, Ms. Fliegentöter, let's talk about you for a moment. Tell us about your background and how you came to writing.” Fey had sent Anna her questions beforehand so they would both know what to expect.

“I was born and raised here, nothing too spectacularly scandalous about my family or teenage years, I'm afraid.” The audience chuckled. “I started writing when I started school and at first I wasn't too keen on my homework. I would much rather play with my stuffed pets and tell them the stories I was making up. As a teenager I started a diary, but soon gave up. I found that keeping a diary is hard! But I liked the act of writing, of putting words on paper, the scribbling... it had a ruminant effect. So I kept at it.”

“How did your family react to your writing and story telling?”

“My mother was always supportive. She's been encouraging me to tell my stories as long as I can think back. My father... he was worried I wouldn't be able to sustain myself as a writer, which I can't yet, so he's right about that.” She smiled solemnly. “He's always wanted me to get an education that would allow me to earn money. I don't hold it against him, I think I would want the same for my children. But it's not what I wanted and he respected that. And he's proud of me for getting my novel published of course.”

“I bet he is. It must be hard for you to balance a job with writing.” Fey smiled empathetically.

“It is. Sometimes the last thing I want to do after a long day at work is to write. But it gives my life a counterpoint, something completely different to what I do all day.”

“How do you earn a living?”

“I work at a small hotel as a receptionist.”

Fey laughed quietly.

“Truly far away from the typical romantic picture of the locked away author somewhere in a cottage we all love to entertain.”

“Definitely. And that's what many don't realize. Authors are just people as well, leading everyday lives with jobs and partners and kids. Authors are only different in their desire to tell stories through words.”

“I never thought of authors as people!” Another hearty chuckle oscillated through the audience. “Oh, I do apologize, of course I didn't mean it like that.”

Anna laughed and calmed her with a placating hand on her arm.

“Don't worry, it happens to the best of us.”

Fey smiled thankfully and looked at her notes for the next question.

“What would you like readers to take away from your book?”

“Some fun times, for one.” She smiled. “Honestly, I am happy for the reader to take away any and all things from my story. I just tell the story, every reader has a completely different point of access to it than I ever could. And it might mean different things to different people, depending on their experiences, on their lives. I just wrote the story, that doesn't mean I have any more right to it than my readers.”

Fey paused, thinking about Anna's answer.

“That's a very good answer, that will surely give the readers here tonight something to think about.” She turned to the audience. “Shall we get to the reading part of the evening then?” She received an answering murmur. “Great. So tell us about the part you're going to read and what happens just before, so we know where we are in the story.”

“I'll be reading a short scene from chapter 3. I hope I won't be spoiling too much, but most of what's going on here is mentioned in the synopsis on the back as well. Somerled is following his pet otter Gael into his father's office and finds something... let's say unusual, there.” She cleared her throat and began reading in a sonorous voice.

“Gael was eagerly swimming around me, waiting for me to throw his play rock again. I watched him playfully nip at me and finally threw his toy, but a current must have caught it because instead of along the house, it flew right through the open window of my dad's office. Gael would have immediately followed it if I hadn't stopped her. I knew Dad wouldn't be too happy if I let her mess up his office. Again. I called her with me and swam around to the front of the house. My dad wasn't home, so I snuck into his room to retrieve my stray missile undetected.

I had never had the chance to take my time to investigate my dad's room so I took it now. I had left Gael outside the door so she wouldn't make a mess of things, but when I looked around the room, I wondered if that was even possible. There were stacks of books and gadgets, stone plates and potted algae, things I couldn't possibly identify hanging from the ceiling and various glass balls floating off their shelves. And he had the guts to tell me to clean my room. I didn't know where to start looking for my toy, but knowing my dad he would take one look at the room and know exactly what had happened. I sighed and got to work. I went around the desk and started looking for any sign of a new mess when I heard a murmur. Alarmed I looked to the door, but it hadn't come from there. Gael was still outside, quietly whining for me to let her in. I heard it again, this time from behind me and I spun around, swirling up a few documents on the desk. There was a cupboard with drawers of different sizes by the window, some of them tiny, some of them broad. I waited, listening for the sound. There! Another sigh, a quiet whir, like the sound of small fins rapidly moving. Moving carefully to make out where it was coming from I noticed a glow coming from a small drawer towards the top. I swam up towards it slowly, still listening intently. The sound was coming from the same drawer as the light! The nearer I got, the louder and more excited it seemed to get, the glowing becoming brighter and brighter. When I was eye level with it, the light coming from the drawer illuminated the slit around the drawer and the humming was a buzz I could feel moving the water.

I slowly raised my hand to open it. What could possibly be inside? Was it the reason I wasn't supposed to go into my dad's room? Was it dangerous? My hand paused, almost touching the drawer's knob. No, dad wouldn't have anything dangerous at home. He had his work space for that. Gathering all my courage I grabbed the handle quickly and pulled, making light spill out of it, brightening the whole room and my face as I peered curiously into it. I couldn't have imagined what was inside if I had had centuries to think on it. I couldn't have imagined the consequences either.” Anna closed her copy of 'The Necklace of Loch Lohair' and looked up.

The audience applauded and Anna heaved a sigh of relief. Under the table Fey gave her a 'thumbs up'.

Fey waited for everyone to settle down and then picked up the conversation once again.

“Well you've left us at quite a cliffhanger there. If you, dear audience, want to know what magical thing Somerled has discovered you'll have to buy the book!” Fey winked conspiratorially at the audience and earned a chuckle. “Now, if you'd like, we will take some questions from our fans in attendance. Please raise your hands if you would like to say something and wait for me to point to you to speak, so we can avoid any major chaos.” Several hands were raised. Fey picked at random and gestured to a middle-aged woman to stand up and take the floor.

“Hi! Thank you Ms. Fliegentöter for reading here tonight and for the wonderful book! My question is: Do you think your book is only for young adults or teens? That's the section I found it in when I was looking for a gift for my daughter, but I read it and enjoyed it immensely.” The woman glanced around at the many people looking at her, most of them younger than her. “I sometimes feel silly for reading children's books. Thank you again!” She sat down hastily.

Anna adjusted her glasses, thinking about the question, before she started speaking.

“Thank you for your kind words. It's always nice to hear people I wouldn't have expected to read my book to have read it. But that doesn't mean I think you shouldn't read it. When it comes to publishing a book, one question will always be 'what genre is this?' or 'who is the target age group?' and 'is it for boys or girls? Women or men?'. It's an oversimplification, but it helps people find books in a certain genre and it helps stores to sort their books. I think the flexibility has to come from the customers who, as yourself, don't adhere to the standards and understand that they might enjoy a book that is not from their preferred genre or one that might not target your age group specifically.”

The woman who'd asked the question smiled gratefully and nodded enthusiastically.

“Alright, next question. The young man in the back there.” A lanky teenager stood up, fiddling with a copy of the book.

“Hello. I wanted to know how Somerled and Gael met? I don't think there would be any pet stores in Somerled's town, right?”

“No, you're absolutely right. Somerled was out swimming, collecting some algae for his mother when he found Gael. She was still pretty young and had managed to get herself stuck in some underwater plants. Somerled untangled her and brought her to the surface, rescuing her from drowning.”

“Great question, I wondered about that too. Who would like to ask something. Yes, here, first row.” Fey picked a woman about her age.

“Good evening. I wanted to say that I really enjoyed your book and I can't wait to read more of the same! Do you think you'll write a sequel?”

“Who says I'm not already writing one?” She wagged one eyebrow. An excited murmur went through the audience. Anna raised her hand to her forehead over-dramatically. “Oh gosh, now I've fed the rumor mice.” She straightened up. “To make things clear, I am working on another story, but it's not a sequel to 'The Necklace of Loch Lohair'. It's a new universe and has nothing to do with this novel.” An even more excited murmur made its way through the audience. “I am not yet working on a sequel to 'The Necklace' but I'm not ruling it out. Gosh, people, I only just published this one, give me some time!” She laughed good-naturedly.

Fey's gaze swept over the people in front of her. She noticed Bianca waving discreetly to catch her eye and gestured to her watch. Fey looked to her own watch to check the time and was surprised to find how late it had already gotten.

“I'm just now realizing how much time has passed. I'm afraid we don't have any more time for questions.” The audience uttered their protest through an annoyed grumble. “I know, I'm sorry. Ms. Fliegentöter will still be here a bit, signing your copies of 'The Necklace of Loch Lohair' and answering short questions you may have. If you have not yet bought a copy of this thrilling book you can of course pick one up right now. Thank you for your questions, for those of you already leaving, please take care getting home. And for those of you staying, please try to form an orderly line and be conscious of the time you're taking in talking to Ms. Fliegentöter. Thank you!”

Another applause followed her closing statement and she sighed in relief. That hadn't gone terribly bad, she thought to herself. People got up and moved around, some leaving, some queuing up to get an autograph on their books. When Fey saw that the patrons behaved and Anna was talking and signing with ease she got up to look for Noah and Lily.

They waited near the back, talking to each other, sometimes looking up to see if Fey was done, but mainly occupied with each other. Fey's stomach churned, but before she could think on why, Bianca caught her arm and her attention.

“You did remarkably well!”, she congratulated her.

Fey adjusted her glasses in a self-conscious move.

“I- thank you!” Praise like this was few and far between coming from Bianca. She mostly stuck to the principle 'not scolded should be praise enough'.

“I mean it.” She looked around to see if anyone was particularly listening to them. When she felt the relative privacy of the crowd she continued. “I wanted to talk to you about something. You might have noticed I put you in charge of a few more things than usual in the last few weeks. Partly it was because I was busy setting up the new store and had less time for running the show here, but I had another reason as well.” Fey nodded. She had noticed that she'd been put in charge of tasks that Bianca had been reluctant to leave to anyone else. “The other reason is that I wanted to see if you were ready for a promotion.”

That revelation hit Fey as a surprise. She was already a senior saleswoman, anything higher than that would leave her in a leading position.

“Oh, but that would mean...”

“Yes, I would like you to become the manager of the new store. Of course with an experienced partner at your side, but this would mean a large step for your career. Events like tonight would be among your tasks, but you would be, within certain limits, given the choice what books to stock, what promotions to run, what to focus on. Due to the proximity to the college campus the company would like a focus to be on textbooks, of course. You won't have full freedom to do whatever you want, but certainly more than you have now.”

Fey was stunned into silence, a rare occurrence.

Bianca patted her on the shoulder apologetically.

“I'm sorry to spring this on you, but my schedule is so busy the rest of the week and I wanted to let you know. You don't have to make a choice right away. But think on it. Sleep on it. Let it sink in.”

“Thank you. No, really, Bianca, thank you. I will. Think on it, that is. Thank you.”

“Good, that's all I ask.”

Having her own book store had been a dream for Fey for a long time. Managing her own book store was a big step towards that goal. She had complained about the lack of choice she had in what books the store offered and having to sell books she personally thought were not only badly written but also promoting the wrong message. She couldn't keep customers from asking for them, but in her contact with them she could show them that there were better alternatives to what they were looking for. Having a larger say in what a store was advertising for was a big chance for her. On the other hand she had no experience in the actual managing of a store. Bianca thought she was suited for the position though and Fey had always respected her opinion, even though they hadn't always seen eye to eye on the more artistic choices. If Bianca recommended her for the job, she would hardly argue.

Still somewhat dumbfounded Fey turned around and tried to spot Noah and Lily. They were still standing, talking comfortably where she'd seen them before Bianca had sprung her proposition on her. Fey started walking over to them when Lily turned and spotted her. Fey's friend smiled broadly and came to meet her.

“You were amazing!” Lily flung her arms around Fey in a surprising show of affection. She realized how over-the-top her embrace might look to bystanders and let go of Fey, instead beaming down at her. Noah was positioned slightly behind Lily but now leaned around her to congratulate Fey as well.

“Very well done, little cousin.”

“Thanks, you two. I hope you had fun?”

Lily was uncharacteristically bubbling with energy and Fey briefly wondered if it was because of her company.

“Definitely! I really enjoyed the excerpt she read. And you were so professional, I never would have guessed that this is your first time doing this.”

Fey blushed and tried to wave aside the compliments.

“You're too kind. And you're biased.”, Fey pointed out.

Noah chimed in while he put an arm around Lily's shoulders.

“Lily is kindness personified, you're right.” He said with an admiring glance at her. “But she's not exaggerating. Just take the compliment!”

Fey knew Noah to be honest in matters like this, so she decided to trust him.

“Thank you.”, she said with feeling. “I'm so happy you came. I'm so glad this wasn't a total failure, but for it to be so successful. I never would have dreamed.”

Lily looked at the shortening queue in front of Anna Fliegentöter.

“If you'll excuse me, I'd like to go buy a copy and get it signed. I'll be back soon, wait for me here?” She disentangled herself from Noah's grasp and made her way to the table with neatly stacked books.

Noah followed her with his eyes, smiling. Fey watched him and cleared her throat to get his attention again.

“Sorry, I got distracted.”

Fey smiled at him with a knowing look and a mischievous grin.

“I can see that.”

He returned her smile, but chose not to comment, looking again at Lily who was standing in line to get the book signed she was paging through.

Fey cleared her throat again, making her cousin flinch.

“So, you're and Lily are getting along, I wager?”

Noah reluctantly turned his attention on his cousin.

“Yes, yes, we had a lovely time tonight, thanks for inviting us. She's so witty and caring. And she's really funny, I wouldn't have thought it at first, but when you listen to her and give her time-”

Fey cut him off by putting a calming hand on his arm.

“I know.” She gave him a meaningful look with raised eyebrows.

Noah carded through his hair in a sheepish gesture.

“Right...” He chuckled nervously. “I have to thank you.”

Fey was taken aback.

“What for?”

“For introducing me to Lily.” He looked down and shuffled his feet. “I... I was lonelier than I had realized. I go to the hospital, yes and I am surrounded by people all day long, taking their patient history and listening to my colleagues explain stuff to me, so by the time I get to my sister's place, I'm exhausted and don't want to see anybody anymore. But I needed to go out, to talk about something other than medicine for once. And Lily... she listens so well. She's been very good for me.” His voice had taken on a dreamy quality towards the end. Part of Fey swelled in pride at the rapid success of her match-making.

“She is quite something, isn't she?” Fey agreed, her eyes wandering over towards the subject of their talk.

An awkward pause followed.

Finally Fey recalled her manners and started up the conversation again.

“So how is your internship going?”

Noah squared his shoulders, shaking off the last of his inattention.

“Good, thank you for asking. The team is so welcoming. They actively approach me to teach me stuff, it's wonderful. I don't know if it's because I know Alex, but I've never experienced this level of teaching.”

“That sounds really great. I don't think it's because you know my brother, from what he's told me the team just is like that. I think it's because of the chief?”

“I think you're right. So much depends on the people in charge.”

At that moment Lily reappeared at their side with an odd expression.

“You didn't say how lovely a person Ms. Fliegentöter is.” Lily showed them her copy of 'The Necklace of Loch Lohair' with a personalized signature of the author. “She was really friendly. Not just with me, I can see why you like her so much, Fey.” Her voice was an odd combination of tense and happy. “The guy in front of me was so nervous and almost couldn't get out the question he wanted to ask and she gave him all the time he needed to calm down and get his question out.” Lily looked over her shoulder to Anna Fliegentöter with an admiring look. “I am looking forward to reading her book. Has been a while that I've read something not for college.” She looked back at her company. “Thank you Fey for inviting us, I had a great time.” Her cheeks were glowing with excitement.

Fey smiled at her giddy friend.

“It was my pleasure, really. I'm happy you had a nice time.” She threw an insinuating side glance to Noah.

“Speaking of the time...” Noah looked at his cell phone. “I hate to be a party pooper, but I have to get up kind of early tomorrow and I still wanted to read up on a few things. I really should get going...” He looked to Lily, who checked her own watch.

“Oh you're right, I actually wanted to get a bit of studying done as well.” She looked apologetically to Fey. “I'm sorry we're already leaving! Say hi to Ms. Fliegentöter and have a lovely evening!” She smiled encouragingly at Fey.

Fey forced a smile for both of them in return.

“Don't worry about me! I have enough to do here. We still have to clear away the chairs and tables, get the books back to where they were... and I'll probably toast to how smooth everything went with Anna. I'll be busy. You two take care getting home!”

Lily and Noah took their leave, waving to her before they went through the main door. Fey wasn't sure if she saw it right, but she thought she saw Noah take Lily's hand before they turned to walk towards the subway station.

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Carlito
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Carlito wrote a review · Sat Sep 10, 2016 2:52 pm

Hello again! :D

Compared to the excitement of the last chapter, this chapter felt a little more bland to me. There were some moments I really liked and some moments I thought helped advance the plot, and then there were moments that I felt dragged a bit.

There were four major moments in this chapter:
1. Fey's conversation with Meri.
2. The author signing event
3. Fey's conversation with Lily/Noah but mostly Noah
4. Fey learning she will soon be a manager

Now, everyone has different preferences and styles when it comes to the length of chapters and how much is included in one chapter. I tend to write once scene per chapter, but that doesn't work for every writer or every story. For me, this chapter felt long and I felt like too many different things were going on.

Fey's first conversation with Meri, while I found it interesting to read and while I think it's a good scene for the development of their relationship, I didn't think it felt cohesive with the rest of the chapter. It being a different day than the rest of the chapter threw me off a bit. I think if you want to include this scene, maybe have it happen the same day as the rest of the chapter. Maybe Meri could come to the event or stop by before the event and they could have this conversation, or it could happen over dinner before Fey needs to head to the store. I liked it as the start of the chapter and I think it could still be used to help us transition into the bookstore event.

Then we have the actual signing. This was the segment that threw me off the most. I think this whole segment could be condensed a lot. Unless this author is or will be important for the plot, I think the whole event could be summarized in a few paragraphs that describe what happened at the event and what the event is like. I appreciate that you wanted to show us the event (especially since there's been a of lead-up to the event), but I think showing the entire thing distracts from some of the more important elements of the scene. I think if you were to pinpoint what the focus and what the point of the scene is, it's not the book event. The book event is merely the vehicle in which the important stuff happens because the important stuff is the conversation with Noah and Fey being promoted.

I enjoyed the conversation after the signing with Lily/Noah (mostly Noah). I think this is the most important part of the chapter because you're going for a love story and this centers around that love story plot. The plot is advancing because the conflict is growing. Noah and Lily are hitting it off, but Fey probably has feelings for Lily and either can't recognize that in herself yet or doesn't want to admit it. That's the good juicy stuff. :)

And then finally we had the promotion bit. That was all fine and good as well, but with everything else that happened in this chapter, it felt a bit tacked on at the end. This is a big moment for Fey and perhaps if this event happened in the next chapter there would be more space to develop it. After such a big and whirlwind event (this book signing) would the manager really want to make this big decision right at that moment? Would the manager want to sleep on it, make 100% sure, and then talk to Fey about it when it's quiet and private and they're both well rested and in a clear frame of mind (not still riding the happy wave of a successful event)? Just some food for thought :)

So overall, there were some nice moments that I enjoyed in this chapter, but I think it could be condensed. When you go to write the next draft, focus on what you want the point of each chapter to be and how you want to advance the plot in each chapter. Focus on that and try to limit the extraneous details beyond that.

Once I review all of the work in the green room that has sparked my interest, I'm going to go back and read some works (this one included) in their entirety. I do find this story to be really interesting and I'm very curious to see where it's going to go next. I want to go back and fill in all the holes I've created for myself :) In the meantime, let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing! :D

Thank you so much for your reviews!! They've been really helpful for setting up goals for the next rewrite. With the feedback I've been getting it has become apparent how rushed I was when writing it, especially towards the end. NaNo is great, but some things take time. But getting things done takes deadlines (at least for me!)

I totally agree! And the first draft is really about just getting it on the page and then you can figure out what you want to do with it :)

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BluesClues
Review

Okay, I have a few snarky-slash-genuine comments on this chapter and then one thing I really want to focus on. But first, snarky crap.

The event was scheduled to start at 18:00, but the author hadn't shown up yet.
At 17:55 she finally spotted Anna as she ran through the main entrance.


Is the military time just the usual in Europe? I knew what times they were, it just threw me. But if that’s the normal thing for your home audience then you can ignore me on this.

Just to make sure we are all on the same page.


Heh heh heh.

She had complained about the lack of choice she had in what books the store offered and having to sell books she personally thought were not only badly written but also promoting the wrong message.


*cough cough Fifty Shades of Grey cough cough*

Noah carded through his hair in a sheepish gesture.
“Right...” He chuckled nervously. “I have to thank you.”


Uh oh. Clearly, Noah has no idea where this story is headed.

“You didn't say how lovely a person Ms. Fliegentöter is.” Lily showed them her copy of 'The Necklace of Loch Lohair' with a personalized signature of the author. “She was really friendly. Not just with me, I can see why you like her so much, Fey.”


Because she’s like you, chica.

Okay, and now the big thing, and sadly it’s a very big thing because it takes up most of this chapter. But I’ll phrase it as a question rather than a “don’t do this.”

Why did you write out the entire author interview/reading in complete detail?

The reason I ask is that it didn’t seem to serve much narrative purpose. I realize Bianca was watching to see that she’d made the right decision about promoting Fey and that it was a huge career deal for Fey, but as far as the story goes… I’m not saying you shouldn’t include it—you definitely should. But it was odd to me that the whole scene was JUST the reading, exactly as it happened—down to the exact answers Anna gave and even the entire excerpt she read.

I’d be interested in seeing this relate to the main story or even the subplot that’s getting developed about Fey moving up in her bookish career and working toward her own store. Not just at the end, when Bianca wants to promote her or she sees how Noah and Lily are interacting, but throughout the scene. When Fey is asking questions, is she aware of Bianca watching her like a hawk? When the audience laughs at something she says, does she look up to see if Lily liked it? I want to see more of that, more of how this scene relates to the characters and plotlines that are more established. Plus more of how Fey actually feels while doing the interview! And while I know she loves this book, is her attention actually fixed on every word of the excerpt, or does her mind wander back to Lily or how the whole event is going?

I did want to say, however, that I really liked this part.

“I would like to welcome you to a reading of 'The Necklace of Loch Lohair' by the remarkably young author Anna Fliegentöter, one of this cities own. Not yet 30 years old she's managed to write a wonderfully original young adult novel, bringing a new and exciting twist to the fantasy genre. Some of you will have read this book and like me you will have joined the young merman Somerled on his journey, have come along with him on his quest and joined in his fears and hopes. Join me now in a welcoming applause for the young author herself. Please welcome Anna Fliegentöter!”


I know this isn’t a real book and author (at least, I assume it’s not), so the details in Fey’s speech were nice because it said you actually thought about the book and author as well as more major characters, rather than just making up a title and calling it a day. Which might be how this scene got so off-track in the first place, because you were exploring more of the author and her book, but anyway I really liked this little paragraph about it.

yeah, the 24 hour format is normal. In German we don't even have a "am/pm" concept, there's just no direct translation for it.

As to your other large comment/question:
From now on outwards the plot not as well planned, so here comes the phase where I really need the "why even??" questions. I'm kind of confident in the characterization of my people, but if you get any plot holes or things that just throw you off that would be really great to know.

I've already planned on November to revise, so... give me something to do for NaNo!

HOORAY. I'm sort of doing the same but also the opposite, because I'm doing hella research right now and then I hope to write a faaaaaaaaaairly solid draft for NaNo that I can revise minimally in January.



That's just what translation is, I think. That's all speaking is. Listening to the other and trying to see past your own biases to glimpse what they're trying to say. Showing yourself to the world, and hoping someone else understands.
— Ramy (Babel by R. F. Kuang)