Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
Three
Fey and Lily had exchanged phone numbers and arranged to meet up for coffee after Fey's morning shift the next day, a Saturday.
Markus checked in on her on his way out after a short shift.
“Oh you lucky bastard, you're already leaving?” Fey looked enviously out the window.
“Yes I am. I'm just here to say goodbye and wrestle a promise out of you to tell me all about last night!” He grinned mischievously and started tickling her. With a squeal that made every patron turn to look who had let the manic pig in she freed herself from his advances.
“Stop it! You don't have to torture me to get that promise! I'll tell you everything anyways tonight. You and Meri, don't forget she's coming over for dinner! I'm cooking” she stabbed at him and shooed him out the door. “And now get out!”
He chuckled and left, steering towards his parked bicyle once he was outside.
* * * *
The rest of her shift went by quickly and Fey soon packed up her stuff. She waved at Bianca and her other coworkers as she left, quickly weaving around the tourists on her way to the subway station. She could easily ride her bike to work, but she didn't like coming in sweaty and out of breath and the skirts she often wore didn't make it a comfortable alternative.
On the way from the subway stop near her apartment she made a slight detour to pick up a few things for dinner at the supermarket. Her best friend Meriyem was coming over later and since she was busy planning her wedding, Fey had decided to treat her friend to a luxurious home made meal to take her mind off the stress. It was also a much needed chance to catch up about everything going on in both their lives.
Shortly after, she finally opened the door to Markus's and her apartment on the second floor of an old building with high ceilings and the usual lack of an elevator, carrying her bags of groceries. She listened for the telltale soundtrack of her flatmate playing video games in his room and made out the familiar clanging and music wafting through his door. Fey decided not to bother with a greeting that wouldn't be heard anyways.
Their apartment was perfect for being shared by two people. There were two bed rooms and a roomy kitchen with a dinner table that functioned as a kind of living room as well, all going off a short corridor. A small bathroom and a separate toilet completed their dwelling. They had tried to make use of the high ceilings and both Markus and she had put in loft beds in their rooms. Fey had another couch beneath it, while Markus had transformed the space under his bed into a gamer's paradise. While she made sure she always had light to read her many books by, he had put up dark curtains to assure the best possible gaming experience. They were an odd pair to cohabitate, but their arrangement worked and they were both enjoying this part of their life together.
Fey went into the kitchen to put the groceries away and glanced at the cuckoo clock she'd picked up at a flea market a few years ago. She still had plenty of time and decided to take a shower before starting cooking.
After reveling in the luxurious feel of hot water for almost 15 minutes she stepped out of the shower, feeling like she'd finally washed away the last parts of her unpleasant start to the day.
She slipped into a pair of bright red tights, a dark brown cord skirt and another fandom shirt, this one with a silhouette of Sherlock Holmes on it. Pulling her still wet hair in a ponytail once again she went to work in the kitchen.
An hour later she put the brownies into the oven and stepped back to take stock of her achievement. She'd made two salads, prepared a vegetable curry and rice. There was a bread basket with fresh baguette, some store-bought hummus and dessert in the oven. With a proud nod to herself she removed her apron and set a timer so she wouldn't burn anything. She didn't particularly love cooking and baking, but if it meant a happy and relaxed Meri and reducing some of her onus towards Markus she didn't mind terribly much.
She took the pot of tea she'd made and her favorite mug and made her way to her bedroom where her haven, as she'd liked to think of it, was waiting for her. The couch beneath her bed was covered in oriental looking blankets, all gifts from Meri. There were more pillows than she'd cared to admit and a bright reading light, but the most important part of her retreat was the small two-tiered table with books on the bottom and room for her battered old teapot on top. It wasn't special because of its design or because of how she'd acquired it but because of its function. It provided a place for the books she was currently reading or wanted to read next, its content everchanging. She now put down her tea pot and poured herself a mug of fragrant çay, grabbed the book laying on top of the stack and settled in between the many pillows.
It was a pre-released copy of the newest book by the young author Anna Fliegentöter, “The Necklace of Loch Lohair”, designed for book critics and bookstores still unsure whether to add it to their repertoire. The store manager Bianca usually liked to at least cross-read many of the manuscripts they received, but had shared more and more of the responsibility for the decisions about new books with Fey.
Many in Fey's circle of acquaintances where surprised to find that she liked reading even after spending so much of her time surrounded by books and talking about books and selling books. Fey argued that it was because she was constantly looking at and praising them and their stories that in her free time she was drawn to finally emerge herself in them. It was lucky she took such a pleasure in reading as it made her much better at finding just the right book for just the right person.
She opened the book where she'd last left it and completely shut out her environment. Much too soon the timer she'd set violently broke her from the young merman's struggle to find the last missing piece to his magical necklace.
Quickly she took out the fragrant brownies to get back to her novel. Bianca had had a good nose with this new author. She would urge her boss to preorder a couple of boxes right away. Fey took a look at the 'about the author' section and was pleasantly surprised that Ms. Fliegentöter was from the City. Maybe they could arrange for a reading once the book was published. It was worth a try and Bianca was often willing to host book-readings.
The next interruption bringing her back from the underwater adventure was the doorbell. She put away the book and flitted to the door to buzz her friend Meriyem up, waiting in the door for her to come up the stairs.
“Give me foooooood!” Meriyem whined at her instead of a greeting.
With a laugh that ended in a huff she supported her friend as the slim woman put her whole weight into their greeting hug.
“Is it already late enough?”
Meri passed her to put her heavy bag down next to the coat rack. She took off her jacket and loosened her headscarf a bit now that she was in the company of her closest friends.
“Yeah, yeah, I could have broken my fast half an hour ago at mom's house. Do you realize how hard it was to leave knowing how much food there was in the kitchen?” She groaned. “The smell! I only left because I knew you'd feed me. Oh but do I smell chocolate? Did you bake for me?”
Meriyem followed her nose into the kitchen where she squealed in delight at the feast her friend had prepared.
“I love you, you're the best! Oh, just let me get the dates and then let's get started!”
“Is that you Meri? I thought I heard high pitched chatter.” Markus appeared in the kitchen and greeted the frequent guest with a quick hug. “Oh, but it's Ramadan, right? Is it late enough? Oh good, let's eat then, won't have you fainting in front of a full table, right?”
Meriyem excused herself to wash up, Markus set the table while Fey heated up the curry.
Soon they all sat down around the table, enjoying the chance to catch up.
“So tell me about the wedding plans! How stressed out is your mom?” Fey inquired knowingly.
“Oh, you wouldn't believe. She and baba are constantly debating how related my relatives have to be to me so they still get invited. Mom still wants to invite fourth cousins while dad put his foot down at second cousins. And have you ever tried getting a location for that many people? Don't get me started about the dress discussion.” Meri took another scoop of the curry and dug in heartily. “If it's up to her I will be getting married in an enormous white ball of fluff. Pass me the salad?”
Markus handed her the bowl and diverted the conversation to a topic more to his liking.
“Hey Fey, didn't you want to tell us something?”
Meri was instantly alert.
“Did you meet someone? Are you finally settling down, getting married and having 2.5 children and a Golden Retriever?” Meri had never quite understood the lifestyle Fey had chosen, hopping from fling to fling without any aspiration to keep a relationship going for more than a week. She had eventually accepted it, but had never quite lost the hope that they would one day experience the happiness of eternal love simultaneously.
“Don't be ridiculous. Markus just wants the juicy details of last night. For your information, I had a nice time at the college's orientation week party and then proceeded to go home with a guy who turned out to be a rather large asshole.”
Around a large mouth full of bread and hummus Meri managed to ask, “Asshole?”
“He had no problem with my figure or attitude last night, but when I wasn't up for a quickie this morning he called me some ugly names. I had a few choice words for him as well, so I think we ended up even.” Fey shrugged. What had happened that morning had happened in many variations for her whole life. While she had been easily hurt in her childhood when her classmates and relatives had called her chubby and fat and ugly, she had had time to build up a kind of necessary resistance to such comments.
After the serious turn of the conversation Markus had sobered up and now reached over to pat Fey on the shoulder.
“I'm sorry to hear that, pumpkin. What an asshole though.”
“Yeah, asshole.” Meri agreed, leaning back, looking smugly satiated.
“Thanks guys.” Fey smiled gratefully at her two best friends. She missed hanging out regularly with both of them. Meri was just too busy with her impending wedding to be able to meet up more than once every two weeks. On top of that she was supposed to write her graduation thesis and start looking for jobs, having just finished the last of her classes in business studies.
Markus was a great friend, treating her as a substitute little sister. He'd moved from home to live in the city, leaving behind three little sisters, though why he wanted to live in the city when he rarely ever made use of the many things it had to offer remained a mystery to Fey.
She had great colleagues at work and she could have endless discussions about books and authors with Bianca or Claire. And the relationship with her brother was pretty good as well.
What she missed was someone who she could do all the other stuff with. Going to college parties although she'd quit college after just two semesters. Dancing until her feet hurt. Not knowing how or when she'd get home and treating every night as the adventure it could be. Just going for walks and talking.
She stood up and started to clear the table. Meri and Markus got up to help her, getting in each others way and laughing.
“Oh Meri, I did meet someone new though.”
“Other than that jerk? Did you have time to meet someone else at that party?” Meri handed her the dirty dishes she'd neatly stacked.
“Not at the party. A customer at the store.”
“What's his name?”
“Her name is Lilian. I think she's a law student? She was buying one of these ridiculous self-help books about flirting and I don't even know exactly how, but I offered to help her with the whole 'talking to people'.”
Now she had Markus's attention again. He never went out of his way to meet new people on his own, but he was almost pathologically curious about Fey's life. She secretly suspected he was just enjoying the adventure-by-proxy she was living for him without any effort on his part.
“What's she like?”
“Uhm, let me think...” Fey tried remembering her new protégé exactly. “She's really shy, tall, taller than me at least, though that's not hard... Hm... she's actually rather pretty, she has long dark brown hair, all shiny and an androgynous figure and if she actually gets up the courage to look at you you actually get to see that her eyes are really pretty as well. I don't know why she's so shy, but I'm gonna try and help her. Maybe even set her up.” That last sentence was accompanied with a mischievous grin threatening to spread across her whole face.
Meri and Markus both groaned.
“Not again. Oh God, from now on it's gonna be 'don't you have any single friends, Markus?' and 'who else do I know who's single, Markus?' and 'if you see any single people in the coffee shop call me immediately, Markus!' constantly!”
Meri took a defensive stance and crossed her arms.
“I forbid you to draw me into this, Fey. I love you like a sister, I really do, but I do not have any time to help you this time.” She'd spoken with vigor, fearing that even her strongest determination would not be enough to quench Fey's enthusiasm for match-making.
“Guys, come oooon!” Fey had hoped for their help, even counted on it. “Okay, first of all, I don't even know if she wants to be set up, I never set people up without their consent.” Meri and Markus exchanged some knowing glances at that claim. “Okay, I sometimes do a bit of convincing, but then they always agree! Meri, who was it that introduced you to Emir? And how happy are you now?” Fey had grabbed onto Meri's arm, trying to catch her eye, but her friend's look was firmly averted.
“And Markus! You love helping with these things! You're gonna meet her and make a new friend! Come on, it's gonna be fun!” Fey knew she probably had more luck on this front. Markus sighed and Fey knew she almost had him.
“Look, maybe it's not gonna be anything and we don't get along. I'm just meeting her for coffee tomorrow, just say now that you would help me if need be, okay?”
Markus rubbed his face with his hands and let out a weary breath.
“I'm going to regret agreeing to this... again. I'll help. If she agrees to being set up.”
Fey almost jumped up in joy at his promise and turned to look hopefully at Meri.
“No. Not right now. Talk to me in two months when the wedding is over, my thesis done and I have a job. I'm sorry, but I have just too much on my plate right now. You'll manage this fine on your own. I mean, you didn't have any help from me when you set me up, right?”
She moved to Fey and hugged her.
“You're one BAMF, you know that? And for all those one-night-stands you're having, I still think there is a romantic deep in you.”
Fey wiggled a bit in the embrace.
“Pfsh, I just like the challenge. I'm good at getting the right book for the right person and I'm good at getting the right person for the right person. I'm just a matchmaker through and through.” She wasn't going to admit that she also had a soft spot for the romantic aspect.
“Good, then this will keep you busy and maybe keep you out of trouble. No more asshole encounters in the future, I hope.”
Fey laughed. She also wasn't going to admit that she didn't have any aspirations to change her lifestyle drastically.
Of course she couldn't know that that wasn't entirely up to her anymore.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Interesting chapter. I've been meaning to read this novel for quite some time, but was just dealing with various offline problems. Anyhow...
See mine (notes) and /*edits*/ below.
On to the next chapter.
Have I mentioned how much I actually love Fey? Like she's such a person. Like, okay.
1. She loves books, but also she's super in-touch with her sexuality.
2. She's loving the single life and lots of casual hookups, but she doesn't shame people for choosing to settle down and even tries to make matches.
3. She's chubby but knows she's sexy and beautiful.
Like I actually kind of hate you a tiny bit because you created such a fantastic character.
(But you know I really love you. But also I'm jealous.)
Also, you did an amazing job with Meri, specifically with letting us know she's Muslim without being like, "Her friend Meri, who was Muslim." Like with the headscarf being loosened, which could simply refer to a fashion headscarf except you specify she loosened it now that she's indoors with two of her closest friends, which means there's a good reason she wouldn't loosen it otherwise. And then even before you mentioned the word Ramadan I got that out of it when she was like, "Yeah, I actually could've broken my fast half an hour ago at my mom's house but luckily for you I darted out of there and came over instead."
Also I love how so far the story seems to be steered in the direction of "single woman who has a strong career/sex life/whatever is actually going to realize she needed a man and a monogamous relationship all along" because she's denying that she needs romance but her friends are like "you do, though," but I know where it's really going and I'm like so impossibly excited for it.
God, I hate you.
When are you coming back so I can tell you that in person so it doesn't sound like I actually hate you? Ugh. Why is this so good?
Sorry I can't offer you criticism for this review, but I hope letting you know all that good stuff a) keeps you inspired and b) keeps you churning out more good stuff like it. I feel like I've never actually read anything you've written before this (except that Book Man fanfic), have I? Weird.
<3
*squeeeeeeeee* Thank you so much! I had such an exhausting day and this made everything so much better, thank you! I love that you hate me, that's the biggest compliment I could get, especially from an author like you! <3
Heh heh heh. I'm so glad you understood what I meant. Also, you're obviously going to email it to me when you do revisions so I can at least read it again, right?
Hey there! I'm back again for another review - don't worry, I read your other chapter before reading this one. Also, I'm pretty tired, so sorry if stuff I say doesn't make sense.
This is going pretty nicely so far - I think I can see what you mean about it going in a different direction to what you first thought, and I think it'll definitely be interesting.
I'm curious about your last line - why is her lifestyle not entirely up to her? It's obviously foreshadowing, but it's a little blatant and I'm not sure it's that needed.
I have to say, I really like the job she has - it's exactly the sort of job I would like, matching books to people, and I think it's really awesome that she's so good at it and likes it so much.
I really wasn't sure who said this, as there was no dialogue tag and both Meri and Markus had similar reactions. Though I'm assuming it was Markus.
I think you should stick to calling Meri Meri, instead of switching between Meri and Meriyem. It just kind of felt a little random and confusing.
I thought the first part of the chapter wasn't really necessary. You could have easily said that they exchanged numbers back in the second part when she first met her, and then you could have just put that Meri was going to come over for dinner and the other stuff they said in exposition as she was heading home.
I liked how you set up Meri as a character - it's well done, and I like her.
That's all I can think of right now. Good luck, and keep writing!
Thank you for your review! A few people have raised the issue about not knowing who's talking. I on the other hand always worry about repeating names too much, which is probably why I sometimes leave them out when I shouldn't. I will definitely keep an eye out for this issue, thanks!
Hello there!
I had reviewed all your previous parts so I am here today to do the same for this one.
The part is quite long so I will read and review at the same time.
--
Fey and Lily had exchanged phone numbers and arranged to meet up for coffee after Fey's morning shift the next day, a Saturday.
/ You should not put an 'a' before a day of the week and before a month./
Markus checked in on her on his way out after a short shift.
/ in and on at once is a bad idea
change it or just delete them both/
--skipping the parts in which I do not complain---
“Stop it! You don't have to torture me to get that promise! I'll tell you everything anyways tonight. You and Meri, don't forget she's coming over for dinner! I'm cooking” she stabbed at him and shooed him out the door. “And now get out!”
/ fullspot after ...I'm cooking so you end it
shooed? shooted? shoted? I do not know.
And she stabbed at him? /
He chuckled and left, steering towards his parked bicyle once he was outside.
* * * *
The rest of her shift went by quickly and Fey soon packed up her stuff. She waved at Bianca and her other coworkers as she left, quickly weaving around the tourists on her way to the subway station.
She could easily ride her bike to work, but she didn't like coming in sweaty and out of breath and the skirts she often wore didn't make it a comfortable alternative.
/ the comma before 'but'..not needed/
On the way from the subway stop near her apartment she made a slight detour to pick up a few things for dinner at the supermarket. Her best friend Meriyem was coming over later and since she was busy planning her wedding, Fey had decided to treat her friend to a luxurious home made meal to take her mind off the stress. It was also a much needed chance to catch up about everything going on in both their lives.
/ 'to pick up a few things'
a is specificly not for things more than one so without the a/
Shortly after, she finally opened the door to Markus's and her apartment on the second floor of an old building with high ceilings and the usual lack of an elevator, carrying her bags of groceries. She listened for the telltale soundtrack of her flatmate playing video games in his room and made out the familiar clanging and music wafting through his door. Fey decided not to bother with a greeting that wouldn't be heard anyways.
/then you say the names of two people who one is you put the 's after the last person so
It should not be Markus's/
Their apartment was perfect for being shared by two people. There were two bed rooms and a roomy kitchen with a dinner table that functioned as a kind of living room as well, all going off a short corridor.
/ two bed rooms
make it bedrooms/
A small bathroom and a separate toilet completed their dwelling. They had tried to make use of the high ceilings and both Markus and she had put in loft beds in their rooms. Fey had another couch beneath it, while Markus had transformed the space under his bed into a gamer's paradise. While she made sure she always had light to read her many books by, he had put up dark curtains to assure the best possible gaming experience. They were an odd pair to cohabitate, but their arrangement worked and they were both enjoying this part of their life together.
/ seperated toiled
While she was making sure she had been enough light to read her books which were many, he had put up dark curtains to assure the best possible gaming experience. /
--------
After reveling in the luxurious feel of hot water for almost 15 minutes she stepped out of the shower, feeling like she'd finally washed away the last parts of her unpleasant start to the day.
/revealing in the luxurious feel of hot water for almost 15 minutes, she stpped out of the showed, feeling like she'd finally washed away the last parts of her unpleasant start of the day./
She slipped into a pair of bright red tights, a dark brown cord skirt and another fandom shirt, this one with a silhouette of Sherlock Holmes on it. Pulling her still wet hair in a ponytail once again she went to work in the kitchen.
/ and another fandom shirt with a silhouette of Sherlock Holmes on it
Pulling her still wet hair in a ponytail, one again she went to work in the kitchen./
An hour later she put the brownies into the oven and stepped back to take stock of her achievement. She'd made two salads, prepared a vegetable curry and rice.
/Ah hour later, she put the brownies into the over and stepped back to take stock of her achievement./
There was a bread basket with fresh baguette, some store-bought hummus and dessert in the oven. With a proud nod to herself she removed her apron and set a timer so she wouldn't burn anything.
/with a fresh baguette or with fresh baguettes
With the proud nod she had given to herself, she removed her aplon and set the timer so she would not burn anything./
--------
She took the pot of tea she'd made and her favorite mug and made her way to her bedroom where her haven, as she'd liked to think of it, was waiting for her. The couch beneath her bed was covered in oriental looking blankets, all gifts from Meri. There were more pillows than she'd cared to admit and a bright reading light, but the most important part of her retreat was the small two-tiered table with books on the bottom and room for her battered old teapot on top. It wasn't special because of its design or because of how she'd acquired it but because of its function. It provided a place for the books she was currently reading or wanted to read next, its content everchanging. She now put down her tea pot and poured herself a mug of fragrant çay, grabbed the book laying on top of the stack and settled in between the many pillows.
/ oriental-looking blankets
and not or/
It was a pre-released copy of the newest book by the young author Anna Fliegentöter, “The Necklace of Loch Lohair”, designed for book critics and bookstores still unsure whether to add it to their repertoire. The store manager Bianca usually liked to at least cross-read many of the manuscripts they received, but had shared more and more of the responsibility for the decisions about new books with Fey.
/ without the comma before but
...but she had shared more and more of the responsibility../
Many in Fey's circle of acquaintances where surprised to find that she liked reading even after spending so much of her time surrounded by books and talking about books and selling books. Fey argued that it was because she was constantly looking at and praising them and their stories that in her free time she was drawn to finally emerge herself in them. It was lucky she took such a pleasure in reading as it made her much better at finding just the right book for just the right person.
/Fey argued that it was because she was constantly looking at (at what) and praising them, and their storied. In her free time she was drawn to finally emerge herself in them. It was lucky ( who was lucky? it was such a luck?) that she took such a pleasure in reading as it made her much better at finding just the right.../
---skipping---
With a laugh that ended in a huff she supported her friend as the slim woman put her whole weight into their greeting hug.
/ in a huff,she supported her friend as the slim woman put her whole weight into their greeting hug/
----
Meri passed her to put her heavy bag down next to the coat rack. She took off her jacket and loosened her headscarf a bit now that she was in the company of her closest friends.
/ passed by her to put her heavy bag down, next to the coat rack/
-----
Meriyem followed her nose into the kitchen where she squealed in delight at the feast her friend had prepared.
/ followed the smell maybe? Though I got the idea./
----
“Is that you Meri? I thought I heard high pitched chatter.” Markus appeared in the kitchen and greeted the frequent guest with a quick hug. “Oh, but it's Ramadan, right? Is it late enough? Oh good, let's eat then, won't have you fainting in front of a full table, right?”
/ "Is that you, Meri?"
The 'Is it already late enough' and similar phases just get odd.
Enough is used in different ways.Already can be used.
But not both together?/
----
“Oh, you wouldn't believe. She and baba are constantly debating how related my relatives have to be to me so they still get invited. Mom still wants to invite fourth cousins while dad put his foot down at second cousins. And have you ever tried getting a location for that many people? Don't get me started about the dress discussion.” Meri took another scoop of the curry and dug in heartily. “If it's up to her I will be getting married in an enormous white ball of fluff. Pass me the salad?”
/ Baba is a name? Though in my language it means grandma!/
----
“Did you meet someone? Are you finally settling down, getting married and having 2.5 children and a Golden Retriever?” Meri had never quite understood the lifestyle Fey had chosen, hopping from fling to fling without any aspiration to keep a relationship going for more than a week. She had eventually accepted it, but had never quite lost the hope that they would one day experience the happiness of eternal love simultaneously.
/ , hopping from fling to fling ,
the comma thing before the but/
------
After the serious turn of the conversation Markus had sobered up and now reached over to pat Fey on the shoulder.
/ ..the conversation, Markus..../
-----
On top of that she was supposed to write her graduation thesis and start looking for jobs, having just finished the last of her classes in business studies.
/ On top of that, she was supposed to write her.../
-----
“What's she like?”
“Uhm, let me think...” Fey tried remembering her new protégé exactly. “She's really shy, tall, taller than me at least, though that's not hard... Hm... she's actually rather pretty, she has long dark brown hair, all shiny and an androgynous figure and if she actually gets up the courage to look at you you actually get to see that her eyes are really pretty as well. I don't know why she's so shy, but I'm gonna try and help her. Maybe even set her up.” That last sentence was accompanied with a mischievous grin threatening to spread across her whole face.
/...the courange to look at you, you actually get.../
-----
Fey laughed. She also wasn't going to admit that she didn't have any aspirations to change her lifestyle drastically.
/ also is used in a positive sentences so use either instead/
Of course she couldn't know that that wasn't entirely up to her anymore.
Overall amazing way to continue the story!Go on!
Thank you for your in-depth review! Wow! Didn't expect it so soon! ^^
Yeah, I know I have problems with the commas... it's just so different in my first language and I don't have a feeling for them in English. They often don't make sense/feel right to me.
"Baba" is Turkish for dad. I don't want to explicitely state that, I had hoped that it might be clear from context. I might rewrite it if it's too confusing.
I am turkish for I get your idea!
Keep on working.
Atleast make Baba with capital letter.