Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
One
Tailor Swift's “Shake it off” blasted through her subdued consciousness and shook Fey awake. She fumbled for her phone, trying to get a hold of her surroundings at the same time, briefly wondering who would call her at this time.
She was laying in bed, but it wasn't her own. She was naked and hot because of the rather warm also naked body cuddling her from behind. Nothing too new there then.
Behind her a low grumbling started up about turning the damn sound off while an arm slid around her waist to hug her closer to her bedmate.
Fey finally managed to locate and answer her phone.
“Hello?”
“Oh, good morning pumpkin!” The voice was definitely too cheerful for Fey's taste.
“Oh God, Markus, why are you calling this early??”
“Okay, first of all, it's past eight in the morning. Second, you're not home. Third, you have work in less than an hour. Fourth, you probably don't have anything not stinking of sweat, booze and sex to wear to work. Fifth, I'm the best roommate, coworker and friend ever and I thought of all these things for you.”
Fey was instantly awake and managed to shake off the arm around her waist to sit up at the edge of the bed while she grabbed her glasses. Shit. Shit shit shit.
“Shit! Markus, you're the best! Can you please grab me something to wear? I'm not even gonna be picky, I swear! And maybe a muffin?” She could hear him laugh over the phone and could perfectly picture the friendly smile he would have for her.
“Why else would I be calling? See you in a bit. I'll tell Bianca that you're gonna be a bit late, alright?”
“Thanks, you're an angel! See you!”
She hung up, put on her glasses and finally took in the room she was in. It was a one-room-apartment with a separate bathroom, clearly furnished with the help of a certain Swedish indoor designer, not overly tidy and most likely the home of a college student. Though from the look of it, maybe mom and dad had helped a bit in paying for... well probably everything.
Situated in the corner was the king-size bed she was currently getting out of to look for her clothes. Its other inhabitant reached for her and when he didn't manage to keep her in the bed with him, propped himself on his elbow to look at her.
“Why are you getting up? I had plans for this morning.”, he said sleepily.
Fey had found most of her things and was just slipping on the emergency underpants she always kept in her purse.
“I have work and I'm already late. I can't believe I forgot to set my alarm!”
“Just skip work. Am I not a much better alternative to spend your time?” He raised an eyebrow and gestured to indicate his own rather fit body. He continued to tousle his dark blond hair and struck a pose he knew would accentuate his abs.
In the meantime Fey had managed to slip on her bra and black tights and was just about to zip up her black fifties-style dress that showed off her curves in just the right ways. She tied her hair in a messy ponytail, checking in the full length mirror by the door if she had missed any strands. Just her lipstick to add, then.
“I really can't,” she said around the deep red lipstick she was applying. “Look, last night was fun, but I'm not gonna risk my job for you.”
“What do you even do that's so important? Come on. It's not gonna take long.”
Her acquaintance was slowly getting up now, but stayed on edge of the bed watching her appreciatively.
“I said 'No'!”
He was slowly losing his patience and frowned at her.
“Well, it's not as if you're gonna get anything better than me anytime soon, fatty. I mean, look at you, I'm doing you a favor here!”
Done with her lipstick she turned around slowly to face him, her dress billowing for dramatic effect. She calmly put her lipstick away and looked him square in the eyes.
“I don't recall you complaining last night, sunnyboy. You approached me at that club. I thought 'Well, he's a bit cocky, but whatever, I'll have a bit of fun with him and that's it, no harm done.' I didn't think you'd whine like a baby when you don't get what you want by insulting me. Maybe the brand-name polo and the already-paid-for apartment should have tipped me off to the fact that you always get what you want without having to work for it, but I'm an optimist, I thought maybe you'd be a nice one-night-stand. There you go disproving me, congrats on that, nicely done.”
He had shrunk beneath her tirade, but now put on a pout to match any three-year-old's at their worst.
“Fuck you! Fuck you and your big ass!”
Fey smirked, slipped into the high heels lending her a few important centimeters and grabbed her purse.
“I think I already did, and quite well too, I might add. Bye, I hope I don't see you anytime soon.”
With that she danced out the front door, leaving a perplexed and pouting young man behind.
In front of the apartment building she first stopped to get an idea of where she was and adjust to the bright October sun. Keeping oriented at night in an unfamiliar area of the city wasn't easy, especially when one wasn't exactly sober. Squinting she tried to make out a street sign, only now noticing the headache she was getting. 'Hopefully just the hangover and not a migraine.', she thought.
Luckily, she recognized where she was and knew the next subway station. It wasn't too far and the right subway line to get her to work so with a bit of luck she would even be on time. She adjusted the shoulder strap of her purse and started walking just as her phone 'ding'ed.
--8:21-- --From Markus U.--
grabbed your brush and phone charger as well
Fey smiled to herself as she replied. She really was lucky to have Markus as a friend. Remembering all the times he had lent her a hand, she typed out a reply.
~~8:35~~ ~~To Markus U.~~
Thanks! I owe you one! Or one thousand... ^^
She had reached the subway station and hurried down the stairs, cringing with every other step. No matter how much she loved her high heels, how they made her legs look, the extra height they gave her, how they made her feel as a woman, there was no denying that they starting to hurt a lot after a while. Especially after a night of dancing and especially for a woman with an extra few kilograms like herself.
Maybe the day had decided to give her a break after the frankly appalling way it had started, because a subway going in the right direction was just entering the station as she reached the bottom of the stairs. She hurried to the doors and gratefully sank into a seat.
~~8:45~~ ~~To Markus U.~~
Is there a chance some other shoes also made it into that backpack?
That would just be too good to be true. She sighed, looking thoughtfully at her feet. Well, there was nothing for it, she would probably just have to get through this day and hope there wasn't too much running around to do.
--8:47-- --From Markus U.--
how the hell did u know? that was supposed to be a surprise to show you how lucky you are to have me
Fey laughed, relieved and touched. There was no end to the caring side of Markus. Not when he had taken her in as a flatmate when it hadn't been sure that she would be able to pay the next rent. Not when he managed to get her a job at his workplace, which had turned out to be her dream job. Not when he was reminding her to eat when she was too deeply enveloped in the story of a book. She would need a lifetime to get even with him for all the stuff he had done for her.
The subway reached the stop she needed to get off at. She risked a glance at her cell phone to check the time and hurried on, trying to avoid the mass of people also getting off at the downtown stop. She loved her work as a saleswoman in a bookshop with an integrated coffee shop and most often the centrality was practical, if just to assure a constant stream of customers. But having to deal with the impatient and simultaneously slow crowds on a daily basis was annoying to say the least. Today, with a headache and too little sleep it was torture.
She pushed past the last couple people between her and the entrance to the shop. Once inside she steered to her right to get to the coffee shop part of the store. It was blissfully peaceful in the book section of the shop, but the coffee shop was already bustling with customers yearning to get their daily fix of caffeine. She spotted Markus behind the large espresso machine, probably making his hundredth 'large soy half decaf half normal latte with just a spritz of cinnamon syrup' even if that didn't make sense in the least. She sneaked around to the end of the counter where he and his colleagues would put their finished works of art. Just now he was approaching that end of his work space, trying to decipher the name on the cup he had just filled.
“Large soy latte with just one pump of vanilla for Jennifer?” Well, Fey thought, she'd been close.
A blond woman around thirty in a business suit and high heels approached the counter talking on the phone, waved a thank you in Markus's direction and left quickly.
Finally Markus' attention fell on Fey.
“Well, look at you, for a night out on the town you look pretty well rested. Your stuff is in the back, lunch room. Bianca's not here yet, if you hurry she won't even notice you weren't here on time.” He smiled at her conspiratorially and went back to work.
Fey made her way to the back of the store where the staff toilets as well as the storage rooms for both the coffee shop and the bookstore where located. There was also a little changing room with tiny lockers for the baristas and the bookstore personnel and and a much too small lunch room. She spotted a plastic bag with a muffin, a bottle of water and her most comfortable sneakers sitting on top of it on the table and a note with “For Fey” attached to it. When she moved closer she saw that there was a blister with ibuprofen as well.
“You know me too well...” she said to herself quietly as she broke out one of the pills and cracked open the bottle of water. She left her muffin and the water on the lunch room table and took the rest of her stuff to the toilet to change. Markus had apparently just taken the clothes that had been lying on the chair in her bed room, which was perfectly fine for the situation. She was glad that he hadn't had to dive deeper into her closet. Markus and her were close, but the mess that was her wardrobe wasn't anything for the fainthearted.
With a sigh of relief she slipped off her high heels and peeled herself out of her dress and tights. She slipped into one of her favorite fandom shirts, this one with a blue-bronze Ravenclaw emblem on dark gray, then slipped on her denim skirt over another pair of tights. Sighing with relief as she put on her sneakers she slipped out of the staff toilet to put her stuff into her locker, swearing to herself to stow an emergency outfit in there. Hurriedly she brushed her hair and put it into a neater ponytail, then took out her name tag and put it on, frowning her traditional frown at the full name it had to display according to the management. Her boss Bianca was lenient enough when it came to what she was wearing, but she had put her foot down about the name tag.
“People have to know how to address you!”
“They can just as easily address me with 'Fey'!”
“No, absolutely not. There is a way to do these things. This is my final word.”
So with a last grimace she put the sign saying “Ms. Fiona von Wimmstein – May I help?” on and went to work.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Interesting beginning chapter. A woman with backbone always makes an intriguing heroine--at least in mine opinion. I'm curious to see what other relationships this character has or will form.
See mine (notes) and /*edits*/ below.
I look forward to see how Fey will evolve as a character. Truth be told, her personality is the only thing keeping me hooked. [EDIT] I think a twist to the story would really spice things up.
Hey there! I'm here for a quick review this Review Day.
I actually really liked this start. This sort of novel really isn't to my taste, but it was well-written nevertheless. I really liked how you introduced your characters well and quickly, giving us a good idea of their character right off the bat.
I also really like Marcus - he just seems really sweet and caring, and I liked his wit and the funny conversation they have.
The one thing I will say, though, is that just from this chapter I feel like I can kind of already predict the plot - eventually she's going to get over having one-night stands and get together with Marcus. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it just means you have to approach it a bit differently. "Will they, won't they" often doesn't work in romance novels because everyone assumes that they're going to get together in the end and have a 'happy' ending. A better 'question' with which to hook the readers could be "What obstacles are stopping them from getting together?" and "How will they work through them?" as opposed to "will they work through them." Because everyone generally assumes that yes, they will work through them.
And ideally, these wouldn't be obstacles just of circumstance, like her mom doesn't like him or something. It's more interesting if there are fundamental character aspects to each of them that they have to work through before they can have a lasting relationship - every real-world couple has these, but they tend to get glossed over in fiction. (If I'm wrong about all of this, I'm sorry and you can ignore me.)
Overall, the main thing I would say about this chapter is that when you get to a stretch of action with no dialogue, you tend to lump it all into one paragraph that is significantly longer than it needs to be. I'd recommend splitting those up so it's easier for the reader to read and they don't accidentally skim over a few sentences.
But other than that, this is a very effective opening, even if it does make the plot of the novel easy to guess. Good luck with the rest of this, and keep writing!
The story is amazing and it is even more amazing how no person had seen and read it yet!Anyways,I am here for that? XD
Good choice to put the 16+ warning to be honest!The plot is interesting and I,honestly,like Marcus a lots!There were sentences which were just too long and rushed BUT
I seriously thought like the main female character.Marcus is a sweetheart and I hope she gives him the attention he deserves.I do not know if he likes her or no but he still looks adorable with her!I would love to continue reading this!Your main character is interesting and I love her personality.She is not weak innocent girl.She can protect herself and talk back to the assholes.
GO ON GO ON!!