As much as I dread this day,
I realize it's the start of a new life,
I cannot leave everything behind, no way,
All the people I see everyday,
I'll miss you guys.
Some of you I've known but a few years,
Nevertheless, that's one more to call a friend.
I can say you are, to me, very dear,
When we leave this place together,
Let's not forget each other.
And some, I've know for years,
My best buds who've been with me,
My joys, secrets and fears.
Is it possible to just suddenly
Not call and share our story?
You guys were like my family,
People I trust and love.
We've had fun in our own ways daily,
A life of happy (and not) memories,
These are things, i would never trade.
On this day, my thoughts are filled
With the joys and laughter, the fights and crushes
Of this life, so far, I've lived.
These words aren't enough
To express my sorrow
As I will soon step out
Into the land unknown to me...
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139,496 Literary Works • 672,585 Reviews
I must say that this is a mediocre poem, I can tell that you didn't spend along time on it. Just kind of popped in your head so you started jotting it down. I think that, it doesn't really have any major flaws to it. You have natural ability, good job. This was a good piece of amateur poetry. Respects.
i like the poem. It is unique and the words are a great match for the poem. There is a feeling that connected to me when I read it. I hope other people feel it too. Please tell me if you make more poems I would really like to read them. I think you would be a great poet.
'Ello! This is my first review, so beware!
This is my favorite quote. It really makes it clear what you are talking about in your poem!
Overall, I liked it. It had meaning! I knew what you were talking about, and was happy to read it.
Some of your lines don't flow as well as I would like them to, but I am not going to suggest you change your poem. I believe poems should have mistakes, you know?
~Classy
I really like this poem. It has a perfect choice of words. I like how you demonstrate normal feelings and put them in a poem. Keep Up The Good Work.
As much as I dread this day,
I realize it's the start of a new life,
I cannot leave everything behind, no way,
All the people I see everyday,
I'll miss you guys.
Some of you I've known but a few years,
Nevertheless, that's one more to call a friend.
I can say you are, to me, very dear,
When we leave this place together,
Let's not forget each other.
And some, I've know for years,
My best buds who've been with me,
My joys, secrets and fears.
Is it possible to just suddenly
Not call and share our story?
You guys were like my family,
People I trust and love.
We've had fun in our own ways daily,
A life of happy (and not) memories,
These are things, i would never trade.
On this day, my thoughts are filled
With the joys and laughter, the fights and crushes
Of this life, so far, I've lived.
These words aren't enough
To express my sorrow
As I will soon step out
Into the land unknown to me...
>it's like going into a realm, with everything still unknown..
>it's always like that: whenever you leave, there are always people, places, or things that will be hard to forget..memories that will always linger on your mind.
__________________
i just want the world to know that
i exist and i am just around.
i just want the world to know that
i can make a sound of his old life.
Thanx for ur advice, I really mean it. This is like my 4th attempt at poetry cuz I'm more of a story person. I'm still working on my rhyme scheme and yes, I know there's a LOT to be done.
Hopefully my next is better.
Hey Lava! Welcome to YWS! Before I start the critique, I must remind you that before you post any work of your own, you have to review at least two other peoples work. I can see that you have reviewed one already, so that's great! Just a friendly neighborhood greeter reminder
Okay, now for the critique!
Firstly, please do not capitalize every beginning to a line. It makes it harder to read.
There should be a period, not a comma, after 'way'.
Your rhyme scheme confuses me. In the first stanza, you rhymed three lines, two of them right next to each other. Why is that? If you're writing a rhyme free poem, make sure none of the lines rhyme. There must be consistency within poetry.
Your making it sound like you are the only one who thinks this friend is great. Did you add the 'to me' just for the rhythm?
This line confused me. If you mean happy and unhappy memories, perhaps using some more punctuation to show what you mean.
Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed reading this poem. There were few mistakes, and I am nit-picky enough to point them out.
*Princess*